Lilly Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 I really need some advice on how to tell the guy that I've been seeing off and on for two years that I have been seeing him on an internet dating website. He has no idea I know, but I see him on it almost daily. We are supposed to go to the movies tomorrow and he also has some of his things at my house. I was thinking about just taking his things to his apt. and leaving them at the door. However, I think I need to let him know that I have been seeing him on this website. It hurts me so bad to think that I am not good enough. That while he is seeing me, he is still searching for someone else to date. I just don't know how to tell him. Any suggestions? We are in our forties. We are not kids.
933KJL Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 Print the page with his profile and leave it on top of the crap you dump at his place. But are you sure you are both on the same page as to your relationship? Is there communication? I mean 2 years is a significant time and I suspect that you may feel it is more than he does.
elijahBailey Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 uhm, but you guys are like off-and-on no? You can't seriously blame him.
tinktronik Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 but wait, if you were on the dating sites werent you looking too? If not what were you doing there?
Author Lilly Posted November 20, 2005 Author Posted November 20, 2005 Yes, I can understand how you might think that I am feel more strongly about this relationship than he does. However, when he disappears for a couple of weeks, I never contact him, he always contacts me. I don't call him that often, he always calls me. Yes, I am starting to feel like I am just a back up. That is why I know I must end it. There is no way I am going to be anyone's backup. The reason I don't call him very often is because I have been seeing him on this website lately and I am thinking about what I should do. I do think you have a very good idea about printing his profile from the website and putting it on the stuff I am going to deliver to his apt. Very good idea.
Author Lilly Posted November 20, 2005 Author Posted November 20, 2005 Well, I was on there because I was on this website called edatereview.com and reading reviews of dating websites. They were doing reviews of Match.com, e-harmony and Lavalife. Well, I had never heard of Lavalife, so I decided to go in and look at it to see what it was like. When I did, I saw his profile. I couldn't believe it. I was shocked. No, I was not there looking for anyone to date. I do not have a profile there. As a matter of fact, I think it is kind of a sleezy type of dating site.
Neptune Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 Just be honest. Tell him you were surfing and came across his profile. Hell, my girlfriend showed up in an email that gives weekly updates on local singles. You know ....a zip code search within so many miles. So, tell him you saw his profile and then give him a chance to explain. He may give you a lot clearer definition of his relationship with you. You may or may not like it.
konfuzd Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 Sounds a little suspicious to me.... there was obviously some interest in the e-dating thing on yoru part for you to look into it, which makes you seem a bit hypocritical. uhm, but you guys are like off-and-on no? You can't seriously blame him I agree... if you are not in a steady, exclusive thing with this guy, maybe he's exploring the options of finding a purely on-again relationship... maybe you should do the same, perhaps not on a "sleazy" dating site, but move on none the less. He is.
Neptune Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 I don`t agree with the hypocrisy in doing searches on dating sites. I registered on a couple of dating sites but never posted profiles. Every week I get updates that show the latest womens profiles in my area that fit my search criterion. This was years ago, maybe as far back as 1997. I still get the emails and I have been in several relationships. Now, if I was engaged I would drop it, or at least I think I would:D It keeps your head n straight to always have one eye open to what else may be available out there:laugh:
Tangerina Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 How do you know that he is on it daily? Sometimes people sign up for those a long time ago and then forget about it... my room mate got kind of wierded out when she was in her BFs inbox and he was getting updates from a dating site, but then he showed her that all of the matches they were sending him were from the DC area, which is where he lived before he met, and that basically his account was from a long time ago and they still just sent him crap.
konfuzd Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 It hurts me so bad to think that I am not good enough. That while he is seeing me, he is still searching for someone else to date It keeps your head n straight to always have one eye open to what else may be available out there These statements are very contradictory to me... Remember, what's good for the goose is good for the gander... you remained registered on these websites, and feel it's ok to keep your eye open for what else is out there, but it's not ok for him... very flaky if you ask me.... maybe you should just talk to him, lay out the ground rules of what's acceptable... you're sending out signals from both directions, so he's probably confused, I don't think you have any reason to be mad at him. Just my opinion.
Author Lilly Posted November 20, 2005 Author Posted November 20, 2005 I don't understand what you are saying at all. I am not registered on the dating website. I do not have a profile on it. I am not looking for someone on it. It is a very sleezy dating website. Most of the people on there are married and looking for sex on the side. They even say they are married and their partner is not included. I have got to make him know I am not going to date someone that is on a dating website like this. He needs to know that I know he is on there. I just don't know how to tell him. I don't want to date a guy like that. I have got to tell him that. He tries to make me think he is such a wholesome guy with such good morales. It just makes me sick when he is trying to be so righteous and I know he is on this sleezy dating website. I have never dated anyone like this before.
Neptune Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 I gave my opinion a few posts back to just be honest and tell him you have seen it. By all means print it out first because he may say you are mistaken and then go to the website and have it deleted or put on hold. And then say it was not him. So, if you have it printed out you got him! Give him a chance to explain. Truth is stranger than fiction. But, it is up to you to judge the validity of what he tells you. And from there , you have to decide what direction to go with the relationship.
Author Lilly Posted November 20, 2005 Author Posted November 20, 2005 I think you are exactly right. I am going to print out his profile from the website. I will talk to him about it and see what he says. However, I must move on because I will not be used like this. I plan to do this within the next couple of days. Too bad for him though. I was going to ask him to come to Thanksgiving Dinner! I have dated a lot of men in my day. I have never had anyone do this to me ever. Just wonder if he has a thing for internet dating or something. I have never had a problem getting dates. I don't know why this guy is getting under my skin so much.
Neptune Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 This profile could just be a sort of fantasy of his. Maybe he gets a kick out of it but has never acted on it. You just have to be ready for this sort of explaination and if you are ready to believe it. That is probably what he is going to say. He is just curious and likes to talk with his buddies about the women who have approached him. The only other thing would be to post a dummie profile and then respond to his with an exciting offer. If he bites he is a caught fish:laugh:
Recommended Posts