DevinWolfe Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 Hi everyone, my girlfriend and I have hit yet another speed bump. (or a brick wall) We have been together for a little over 2 years and a month now and a week before our 2 year anniversary she wanted to take a "break" but within a week (on our anniversary) we got back together. Things have been wonderful since then. Way better than before. Then about 4 days ago we talked about a pretty important issue. We were both a little upset by it but talked things out and they were great again. Then yesterday morning I call her at 7a.m. to give her a wake up call (she asks me to) and she was extra hateful and grumpy. She is not really a morning person but this was especially harsh even for her. And i told her she was acting like an inconsiderate bitch and that i was just trying to be sweet. I knew i shouldnt have said it but she was making me very angry. she hung up on me and called me back a few minutes later as if nothing was wrong. but as we talked she started getting hateful again and i said something to her. She responded "it's not my fault, I'm just not a morning person!" and i said "well, it's not my fault either but youre taking it out on me!" and she screamed "GOD!" and hung up again. I sent her a voicemail telling her i expected to hear from her within an hour or the next time she saw me i would be there to return all her stuff (again i said this in anger). After that i immediately sent a message telling her that i didnt mean it and that i was just very upset. I even sent a text message telling her that i was sorry and begging ehr to call me so i could apologize properly and she sent me a text telling me she was turning her phone off and that it would be off for the rest of the day. I sent texts all day begging her to call and telling her how sorry i was but she didnt respond until i went to talk to her in person and told me that i crossed the line and that she felt great hanging up on me. I was begging for forgiveness the whole time so she knows how awful i feel and she got into her bag and dug out her ring and handed it to me and shoved me away. I begged and pled for her to just talk to me first but she refused. Then today i send her a voicemail begging her to talk to me so we can work something out and that i just didnt want it to be forever. She responded with a text saying "i got your message and if you wouldnt mind... leave me the hell alone.". I then sent back a text asking if she would just tell me its not forever and that she would at least consider something and she responded "this time you crossed the line too far... im done... i have already given up". This is the same girl who just 2 days before fell into my arms crying because of what we had argued about and she felt bad for doing that to me. Everything was great until that wake up call. I just REALLY don't think this can be real. We have had little "break ups" here and there but this one was COMPLETELY a surprise and she truly acts like she hates me now. I can't see how she can possibly mean that this is it... forever. She even calls me her soulmate! (not since yesterday morning) Sorry for the long post...
AriaIncognito Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 Call me crazy, but would you really expect your "soulmate" to act this way towards you? Personally, I wouldn't. Sure, we get into arguements and whatnot with our mates, but, to go on a name calling frenzy? I don't really think so. At least, it's never happened to me in the 15 years I've been dating. (about 5 men were long term relationships, the rest a few months here and there, so it's not a longevity thing either I wouldn't think). When I get mad at someone, and know I'm wrong, I immediately admit my wrong. You talk it out. Like adults. Sure, some might need a cooling off period, but it seems suspect to me that your relationship has been comprised of many "small break ups" because if people keep breaking up, there's a problem somewhere. Either she's not right for you, or you're not right for her, or a bit of both. I think you need to moreso look at what your breakups have been over. Are they petty things? Are they dealbreakers? Only you know this right now, since we readers only know what you've told us so far. From what I read of what you said, she seems to be really flip-flopping over how she feels, and therefore she's taking it out on you. I know this first hand, because I know that with my current ex I did the same thing. I'd get mad at him whenever I was realizing that he and I could never have a real future together. It's no way to go through a relationship. Sure, he and I had many talks over the things that I knew would keep us from heading to the alter, but those talks basically led us to stalemate. So, all that being said, what do you think? Or, do you want to provide more info about your other smaller break ups?.... Jennifer
Author DevinWolfe Posted November 20, 2005 Author Posted November 20, 2005 Well we have had about 4 or 5 small "breaks" in the past 2 years and most never extended a couple days. One was less than 24 hours and the rest were either 2 or 3 days. Except the last one which was about a month ago. It lasted for a week and was hell on both of us. I have never wanted the break because I know that we can talk things through and she always just wants to walk away from it rather than fix it. I think she needs to grow up a little bit but she seems to feel like she has done nothing wrong. She always surrounds herself by her friends and family when this happens and she has done it again this time. One of our small breaks was over her thinking that i was too controlling because i didnt like a shirt she wore (rather reveling) but i never told her not to wear it or that she looked slutty in it. I only said i didnt like it very much. All of our breaks have been because of petty crap that doesnt matter in the long run. She just almost refuses to try work anything out. She has never been unfaithful to me. She did break up with me once about 5 months into it because she thought he would be more fun than me. She ended up not even dating him and coming right back and begged me back. She promised to earn my trust back and she did over a period of time and we were wonderful until we had about a week long break over a pretty important issue. We both felt that we had changed but I wanted to work it out because she still meant the world to me and she didnt. After a week apart she fell into my arms crying because she missed me so much. I am now a student at ITT Tech and i have a lot of responsibilities and she has none. She truly needs to grow up some but i am more than willing to wait. I have made it very clear to her that i am not giving up on us even right now. But she says that she already has. This is a way she has never acted towards me before. I know she loves me but i don't see how that one conversation can make her hate me like that... we were great until yesterday morning. Not even a tiny problem since we worked it all out about a month ago. And before that it had been quite a while too.
Author DevinWolfe Posted November 20, 2005 Author Posted November 20, 2005 And something else. Since we have been together for over 2 years we have only gone probly 10 nights without saying good night on the phone right before we go to sleep. I am taking it very hard because i have been so used to hearing her voice right before i fall asleep and hearing her voice first thing in the morning. I really feel like i have this massive void in my life now. At work i stay focused on work and manage to stay strong. But when im in the car going to/from work i completely break down like a little girl. I know she is keeping herself preoccupied by her friends and she knows what this is doing to me. She is just being so stupid. I have always been there for her and she has to know it's a mistake!
AtarisKid Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 hey man i know what your going through, its hard, im going through a pretty nasty break up, first she broke up with me and then a month later i broke up with her, then i tried to get her back, she wouldnt take me, it was devstating and still is, as of today i want nothing to do with her cause of the way she acts toward me, really immature...but the way i look at it is that it wasnt meant to be and believe me everything happens for a reason, girls dont just get over **** like this over night, trust me she thinks about it everyday and is probably still really hurt, but dont try to call her, and if you do talk to her, dont break down and start crying and beg for her to come back. just give her a lil time to decide. if she wants to come back to you she will, let her wonder what your doing for a while, let her call you, just act like everything is fine dont bring up anything bout you and her, it will just push her away farther And the thing about her calling you everynight and saying goodnight, its hurts not to hear that anymore, trust me i know, not one night went by when we were dating that she didnt call me and say goodnight or call me in the morning cause she want me to be the first person to talk to.... the best thing you can do is keep yourself busy and let time work things out, cause you have plenty on your hands....if its meant to be it will work out, it might take weeks maybe months who knows for now just try to detach, when you do find out if she doesnt want you, youve already come that far. then if she doesnt want you back, then great, i hope things work out for you guys! Good luck man...keep strong...time will tell everything
Author DevinWolfe Posted November 23, 2005 Author Posted November 23, 2005 New info. One of her friends saw me at work (Wendy's) and said i was a jerk because i compared her to my car. (i am doing a motor/interior swap on a supra that i wrecked) And i do not recall ever saying anything like that... once... I dont know if she misunderstood something i said or if i may have actually insinuated something like that. Even so that seems to be a fairly petty reason to me. She never mentioned it to me or told me she was upset about it. We were great up until that morning and one of my friends (a girl) thinks this is just a cop out. So she doesnt have to feel guilty about breaking up with me. Or that she found a way out and she took it. I don't see why she wouldnt at least talk to me about it first rather than say "i'm drawing the line and it's over for good". Does any of this make ANY sense?
slubberdegullion Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 Migawd, man, how did you ever put up with such drama for 2 years?? These "breaks" seem to be little more than her manipulating you. Grow some stones, dude, and give her sorry ass some help to the curb. You don't have to put up with this crapola.
Author DevinWolfe Posted November 23, 2005 Author Posted November 23, 2005 What's really strange is this time it REALLY doesnt hurt like it used to... it bothers me that i'm not with her right now but i really feel like she is gonna come around once she realized whats going on. She is a senior in high school and i just graduated a year before she will. Right now she is able to surround herself in her high school friends and her winterguard stuff. But she knows as well as i do that when May rolls around she will have nothing left to show for it. So right now i can choose to wait for her to come around (i am almost certain she will) or i can move on. Moving on for me right now isnt really important because my plate is sorta already full but she really means everything to me. Would it be best to move on and try to see other people while she plays around in high school or being that she means so much to me is it worth waiting for (assuming she grows up some)???
TUDOR Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 Devinwolfe, you will get more people to read and respond to your posts if you try breaking a long post into paragraphs instead of one big paragraph. Just and FYI.
mental_traveller Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 People often exaggerate their feelings, and don't understand the true meaning of words like "love", "soulmate" etc. If it's men, they exaggerate because they want to get laid or get a woman to stop nagging; if it's women, they exaggerate because they are over-emotional drama queens, or just desperately want to convince themselves they are actually in love. Also, once things start going wrong, people usually don't reveal it bit by bit. Rather, they keep those frustrations inside, and only reveal it once they are so pissed off that they want to finish. They'll keep up appearances until they are ready to act. So it comes as a shock to the other person, understandably.
Author DevinWolfe Posted November 24, 2005 Author Posted November 24, 2005 In my opinion there really isnt too awful much drama. At least not nearly enough to make her not worth it. The biggest problem i have is she doesnt like to talk about things that need to be talked about. We have always been VERY open but there are a few little things she likes to keep to herself. Recently she developed ulcers from stress because there was so much going on that she never talked about. Her grandmother's death, our relationship hit a rough patch, and her car was giving her fits. I did all i could to be there for her and get her to talk to me about stuff but it never seemed to bring her completely out of her shell. She is a little bit of a drama queen but she will grow up when she gets outta high school. Then she will get a small taste of what has been kicking me in the ass for about 6 months. (the real world) When she grows distant to all of her friends after graduation i really think she will realize how much she wants me and needs me in her life. She is worth waiting for but i really feel like with all the time in the middle it will just kinda fizzle out... and she wont ever come around. Is 6 months too much time or do you think she will come around?
westernxer Posted November 24, 2005 Posted November 24, 2005 She's still in high school? Move on, already. It's just going to get worse, and you're setting yourself up for a huge fall, especially when she turns 21 and realizes she's missing out on life.
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