I've F*cked up!!! Please HELP! I want to save my marriage!

[RecordProducer]

I am nervous everyday wondering if I am going to come home to him or an empty house. He says he will not leave me and wants to work it out but how can I believe that just like he cant believe that I will not do this sinful act again.

I think you're more ashamed by the fact that he found out than the fact that you DID IT. You are also more scared from him not trusting you and leaving you than not being able to forgive you.

 

The reason I am criticizing you is because I believe that as long as you don't come out clean and admit how you really felt,

 

1. Before you cheated (what made you cheat?);

2. During the sex with the other man (Did you enjoy it thinking that no one will find out or did you feel bad at the time?);

3. After the truth has been exposed, do you regret hurting him or doing it? Or both?

 

your attempt to show how guilty you feel will be only seen as hypocracy by him. By the way, are you 100% certain that he has never cheated on you?

 

Perhaps it would be best if you guys split for a while and get back together when he is ready to forgive you. Expects lots of fights and/or significant loss of communication, love, and trust.

 

I am sorry you're both going through this. I believe that you regret your deed endlessly, but sometimes life forces us to take responsibility for our actions.

[RecordProducer]

Time is the key and I am going to give him all the time he needs and be here for him as well.

You should make it up for him, not just be there for him as if it's somebody else who caused him pain and not you.

 

The point is life is too short.

Exactly that kind of attitude made you cheat!

I know I am not a bad person, I just made a bad choice is all. Cherish the good days and learn from the bad ones.

You're obviously willing to forgive yourself easily.

 

Thank you all again for talking to me and my hubby. He really needs to hear from others in his shoes and have a place to vent on those bad days. (I would rather here than vent on me!)

If you show a little more compassion for him than for yourself he might even forgive you!

[Grinning Maniac]

- Woggle says TrisWife should get another chance.

 

- TrisWife squeels with glee 'OH THANK YOU WOGGLE THANK YOUUU!!!'

 

Translation: "See Tristam?! Look! They think you should give me another chance! See?? I'm being honest with you! They believe me! Why don't youuu???" *puppyeyes*

 

I think you guys are getting played like a set of windchimes, honestly. It doesn't strike ANY of you as odd that she decided to post here? If she only wanted to share her problems with people and get advice, there are plently of other love advice forums on the internet. But of all places she came HERE. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who gets the feeling that she's got a reason for it. Hell, she could have posted anonymously and switched details around if she just wanted advice. She didn't.

 

Oh and I love her response to the lie detector idea. "Oh no that's silly teehee. I don't think that's a good idea at all. Those things malfunction allll the time. I mean, with my luck..."

 

How strange. I could have sworn that not too long ago I'd heard that polygraph technology had gotten to the point where it was virtually flawless... *ahem*

 

(But in any case, the clear solution to ruling out "malfunction" wouldn't be something as simple as taking the test three separate times and going 'best out of three"? Oh no...Completely illogical. Better take her word for it. )

[travellingman]

Always a lot more hope when the hookup was sexual, and there aren't that many feelings tied to it.

 

If I were Tristam'sWife'sHusband, I'd get some revenge sex with someone else, and call it even.

[whichwayisup]

If I were Tristam'sWife'sHusband, I'd get some revenge sex with someone else, and call it even.

 

That's awful advice...Two wrongs don't make a right. I truely believe it would make HIM feel worse if he did that. Maybe not in the heat of the moment but soon after.

[Delectable]

I just read your husbands latest post. To find out you lied in your post and him threatening you with a Polygraph was the only thing that made you come clean.....TODAY. After you have been receiving pity and support from all of these people on the board who were just trying to help.

 

You need help with your lies - I hope your children aren't picking up on this behavior.

[Grinning Maniac]

I knew she was full of it.

 

But noooo, "oh she's so sincere". Boom.

 

Lady, you need to seek professional help or perhaps just drink some Drain-O. The fact that you would manipulate and get pity from people not even involved in your marital troubles is disgusting. If it were legal, I'd advise your husband to toss your ass in the trunk, and leave you naked and covered in KY in the worst part of Mexico City at 1am, and then start switching over the bank accounts.

 

You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Yuck. I feel like I need a shower now.

[sparticuss]

Ok wife. I'll go outside the affair for a second and use the example of the Bill Clinton affair. Hillary forgave him not because he was sorry but because he was a good man, and they had a good marriage that was worth saving.

 

Rememeber that as I go through your post with you point by point.

 

 

I got to caught up in my emotions and did the worst thing you could possible do to someone.

Not the worst. Definitely not. Have you ever

- Stabbed your husband or children with a kitchen knife in a fit of PMS fury.

- Re mortgaged the house in order to provide drug or gambling money

- Committed a major crime that your family could have beeen charged as acesories over.

 

Not the worst. Serious! But. Never the worst!

 

I will not go into detail at this time, I am just looking for help on how to win his trust and love back.

(Good! Don't go into detail! Concentrate on winning his love back)

 

I love him more than life itself.

( Talk talk talk! Prove, to him, not to me, that you love him. This love is not proven by a single spectacular, melodramatic, act. It's proven over weeks ,months, years, with continuious acts and demonstrations of your love. What you say means nothing. What you do means everying .)

 

 

I want to make him feel comfortable at home and around me.

( Yeessssss! Thats the idea! Thats the starting point and the aim and the goal. Now the actual making it happen is where things get tricky. At least you have the right aims and the right vision.)

 

 

HELP! Is there anyone out there that is in my shoes? I am ashamed at myself for what I have done. There has been plenty of times I have wanted to become 'selfish' and commit suicide,

( No no no! Self pity. You may get sympathy from the board but that wont get you back you husband no matter how much you are hurting.

 

 

but I have two little girls and a husband that need me right now.

 

( Yes! You do indeed, and they do indeed. Remember that and run with it.)

 

I do believe in second chances, so if the table was turned and he did this to me, I would not throw him to the curb, I would try to work it out the best I could, but if he ever did it again I would be done and I except the same thing to happen to me if I ever got myself into that mess again.

 

( Bad attitude! Concentrate on marriage reapirs and love.

This lot is moralising over hypotheticals. You don't have time for that. YOu have a husband to love, a family to rasie, and a marriage to fix. One that is definitely worth fixing.)

 

I am ugly and dirty for what I have done!

(Self pity again! Love fixes marriages, not self pity. You are either a dirty ugly slut for what you have done, or you are a beautiful, loving wife, fixiing a damaged marriage after a nasty mistake. Which one you choose to be depends on how you behave in the future. Not how you behaved in the past.)

 

There is not a thing I can do about it and it is driving my insane.

If I could turn back time believe me I would and non of this sh*t would have ever of happened.

 

( You cant turn back the clock. But you can do something. You can fix this marriage. Thats what you can do about it.)

 

 

I hate to see my hubby in this much pain and the fact that I AM TO BLAME!

( And the day you fix this marriage with love, with affection, with devotion, then and only then, you are no longer to blame for anything)

 

 

He don't believe that I only had sex with the OM once. He thinks there is more to it. How do I get him to believe me?

( You don't! Cause it doesn't matter. What matters is you still love your husband and your marriage is worth saving. One night stand or ful affair, doenst matter)

 

 

Well that night, God took every single one away and I have to start all over again.

( Yea! You got the idea. So start1 You have one advantage. You already KNOW that this is a marriage worth sticking with.)

 

help me get him to love me again!

( Nope! No can do . Only you can do that. But thats just the point. YOU CAN DO THAT.)

 

He says he will not leave me and wants to work it out but how can I believe that just like he cant believe that I will not do this sinful act again.

( You can believe that because he values this marriage. Do you. You have said you do. But what have to done to prove to him that you value this marriage)

 

Please help me make my hubby happy again!

 

( If you keep in touch I can help you perhaps 10%. You can do the other 90%. Yes you can. but do you know that yet?)

 

!