brittanyjean259 Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 i had a relationship for well almost 3 years, and we broke up 3 months ago....but im now realizing why i always had that jealous hateful feeling.......i was in love with him but didnt love him? " im in love with you but i dont love you" does that make sence to any one?
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 Yep. Makes sense to me. I've been in love with someone who I didn't really like as a person outside of that madly in love. Infatuation and wishful thinking really makes you see someone for who they aren't usually. When you find out who they really are, and that illusion is shattered - you find yourself holding on to someone you find that you don't like. You are in love with who you want them to be for you, while not really loving them as a person.
Jellostick Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 Yep. Makes sense to me. I've been in love with someone who I didn't really like as a person outside of that madly in love. Infatuation and wishful thinking really makes you see someone for who they aren't usually. When you find out who they really are, and that illusion is shattered - you find yourself holding on to someone you find that you don't like. You are in love with who you want them to be for you, while not really loving them as a person.Wow, that was so well put and it's almost like you've read my mind. That's exactly what I just went through. For a few weeks after the breakup, I was in love w/ the person who was very loving and caring to me during the relationship. I soon realized who she really was but yet I was in love w/ the person she pretended to be. It's like I couldn't get by the other her, until I started focusing on myself and then realizing who she really is. I would say I still care about her and hope she finds what she's looking for in life and conquers her issues but I wouldn't say I love her anymore and I know I don't hate her. If anything, I'm just disappointed in her. Cheers.
Author brittanyjean259 Posted November 19, 2005 Author Posted November 19, 2005 your right, you get in lala land..and every bad thing they do you make an excuse for.. if i could get over that in love stage i could be over this ....what happens if i fall in love again and get blind again for hmm almost 3 years, i bet i will be stronger though....ah
Author brittanyjean259 Posted November 19, 2005 Author Posted November 19, 2005 i meen its so hard to snap your self out of that, and see that person for who they really care...when i keep making excuses oh he still wil always care for me......blah blah, and its scary to look back and realize they have lied to you alot....but you let your self be in love with who you think they are.......this really twists my minds up i hope im not physologicly damaged for the next relationship lol so better the phrase me" im in love with who i think you are...not for who you really are" there we go!.......
Tangerina Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 That happened to me for 3 years... I am not saying that there wasn't something real there, but there really wasn't enough of it that I should have stuck around and put up with his crap... now I am totally scared that I will put myself in that position again, I am kicking myself for the time that I lost... I think I am wiser now and know that I deserve and can have better...
SMHappyface Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 I think the feelings of love fill in information we don't know about the person with information was WANT to believe. For instance, things about my ex that seem to surprising to me existed way before I knew him, but I didn't know. When you are in love with a person, you WANT to believe they are a certain way and the mind plays tricks. That's why they say love is blind. I was madly in love with him, but as another passes by since we broke up (and as my mind is allowing me to objectively think about it) If what I know now was posted on a personals ad, would I want to go out with him, let alone marry him? Puts life in perspective.
cynicalnlove Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 Yep. Makes sense to me. I've been in love with someone who I didn't really like as a person outside of that madly in love. Infatuation and wishful thinking really makes you see someone for who they aren't usually. When you find out who they really are, and that illusion is shattered - you find yourself holding on to someone you find that you don't like. You are in love with who you want them to be for you, while not really loving them as a person. wow, you know I never even really consider this. Yes, you dream of what they gave you and you fell in love for what you thought they were. Geesh, mine was the complete opposite of what i thought him to be; but i kept making excuses hoping that he wuold be that man who i fell in love with.
Jellostick Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 For instance, things about my ex that seem to surprising to me existed way before I knew him, but I didn't know. When you are in love with a person, you WANT to believe they are a certain way and the mind plays tricks. That's why they say love is blind. Prior to meeting her, I used to ask around about her. Everyone who I asked said, "Oh, that's Evil Kate" but wouldn't elaborate on why she's called that. There was one person who said she's called that 'cause she's mean but also told me I should ask her out 'cause she's not that bad. Well, when we had our first discussion, I asked her why she's called "Evil Kate" and she said, "Why did you have to ask me that?" w/ a grin on her face. She said she's called that 'cause she's blunt, tells people how it is and is very opinionated. She said she comes across strong and that's why she's called that though she hates being called that. She told me the reason why she was breaking up w/ me is because she couldn't be that way around me. She felt that if she was "Evil Kate" around me that we could clash and cause more arguments. She said she wants to be the person she was because she felt she let that side of her go. Thing is, she is being "evil" now. She has been extremely mean toward me since the breakup and the last thing she told me (in an email) was that she doesn't want to talk to me 'cause she wants her life to go back to the way it was. Her friends told me after the breakup how she was and one even said she's "evil" and that's one of her good friends! I mean, for a little over 3 months she was one of the sweetest, loving people I have ever dated. Sure I saw signs here and there but I looked past them 'cause I focused on the good stuff but man, now she's the complete opposite of who she was. It's actually quite scary. Like I said, I don't hate her or wish her anything bad. Sure, I believe in karma and I think everyone gets what they deserve but I can't dish out karma, someone else does. I'm just disappointed in her because of what she turned out to be. I also feel sorry for her 'cause it must be painful to live her life the way she does. Cheers.
cynicalnlove Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 Prior to meeting her, I used to ask around about her. Everyone who I asked said, "Oh, that's Evil Kate" but wouldn't elaborate on why she's called that. There was one person who said she's called that 'cause she's mean but also told me I should ask her out 'cause she's not that bad. Like I said, I don't hate her or wish her anything bad. Sure, I believe in karma and I think everyone gets what they deserve but I can't dish out karma, someone else does. I'm just disappointed in her because of what she turned out to be. I also feel sorry for her 'cause it must be painful to live her life the way she does. Cheers. Yeah, my exbf would always tell me stories of other people doing evil things to him; like pick a fight/arguments. I just thought those people were idiots and kept on taking his side, I believed him to be this amazing man that everyone hated. Ahhh, until we broke up. I never knew he was capable of saying those things; and as of today i could see why he would get on other people's nerves. Yes, you are right; love is blind and we see what we want to see and disregard the rest.
Brittanyjean06 Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 my ex also had a very bad reputation, he was that" bad boy" and i was very naive at the time...and still to do this could be....its still hard to face the facts like " oh well he loves me so it doesnt matter"...any1 can love you and be in love with you, but you cant change theM for who they are..... love is blind, and im still blind to that qoute....it hurts, i always made excuses for almost 3 years.......so some things can be blessings in disguise,
Recommended Posts