Roarz Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 Whole story printed in other posts, but gist is that she is 19, I am 20. Dated for 2 years, and when she got to college she left me because "she just didn't feel the same, and the spark was gone" and she didn't know why. She dated a week after this and it didn't turn out well. After a month of doing stupid stuff (begging, anger at her for no reason, ect) I've finally started NC. Last night we had a very emotional conversation where I apologized for acting the way I was acting and then I told her that I want to be her best friend again but I just couldn't right now. I said I needed time to clear my head, and all of a sudden she starts crying. She said she wanted me to know that she missed me, and she doesn't want to lose her best friend. Then suddenly I could have sworn I heard her say "I wish we were back together" but when I asked her about a few seconds later she said that she hadn't said that. Then eventually we just said our goodbyes and hung up with her in tears. This girl really was my best friend. We were inseperable for 2 years before we began dating. I really want to be her friend again someday...it's just too hard not to. And it's not like I have a reason not to, neither of us did anything wrong to end it...how long should I keep NC going? When (if ever) is it ok to be friends again? And what is going through her head? I'm not going to get my hopes up, but I want to know from an outside perspective if their is a realistic chance of getting back together at all. I really really love this girl and I can't imagine my life without her in it in some way. Thanks for any insight you can give.
In Sync Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 How Long? Oooh my, you must be new here...how's this for an answer...ready?.... FOREVER. You want to heal? yep, tough love newbie. Otherwise you may as well prepare your prescious heart to be drag around. Read any post regarding NC in the threads to give you an idea. Good Luck.
Author Roarz Posted November 18, 2005 Author Posted November 18, 2005 But that's so hard, how can I just give up the great friendship we had just like that? I just want her back so much...I know people say this is the best way, but it doesn't make any sense...I guess none of what's been happening lately does.
In Sync Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 I am sure others who respond to this post will elaborate or get to the point more bluntly but the response for those who understand the meaning behind NC, will tell you the same thing. NC is hard, but the purpose is to allow time for you to heal. The relationship you had with this girl is broken. And she has told you so, in her own way. Of course you don't want this and like most of us, you did what you could to reverse the course, but now it's time for complete NC. It's not out of resentment towards her, it's for YOU to heal. You are in no emotional state to simply be friends. Because it's a way of denial for you to maintain a friendship, underneathe hoping she'll change her mind. Come on dude, we can all see through that one. The only thing this will bring you is more prolonging of your heartbreak, waiting for her to change her mind. NC, will give you the emotional distance that you will need. Attempts to break it will set you back further and further, and the hurt will feel like the very first day you truly broke up. Read some of the other threads and posts, and see what happens to those who break NC, including myself. Of course, it's like telling someone don't touch a hot iron and until you have touched one..you'll know how it feels and I guarantee you'll eventually say this hurts worse now NC for good. Allow time to let this relationship fade.. without anger and resentment to resulting from your wanting pushing and trying to change how it is. Over. Think about it, really...as friend when she starts seeing other guys are you willing to listen to her talk about this without feeling upset...so why do that to yourself. Get a new friend and accept graciously that she has moved on.
bendit Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 IS is doing a really great job of picking up the go "full on" NC mantle...Its the only way really. She also makes the point that you almost have to "touch the hot stove" before embracing it. I was slow to implement NC because of ignorance. I was a bad "ender". Yet once I understood what it was all about, I used NC as my primary tool and have not looked back since. It speeds up the healing process. People that are able to go NC from day one of the breakup are able to move on much more quickly, choosing a relatively quick shot of pain today over more drawn out pain tomorrow. And we are all going to HAVE to move on. It is over. Really really over. So lets mourn the loss and begin to look forward to the good things that are in store. regards ps:there is a really great book to help with this transition called "feal the fear and do it anyway." Jeffers
konfuzd Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 Think of your past relationship as a job you got fired from. You can take your resume back every week if you want to, dress it up, add some details, but chances are you're not gonna get your job back, and the more you try, the more turned off your boss will be. Yeah, it sucks not going into your office every day, seeing all your co-workers, sitting in YOUR desk...etc. but in the end, the job will be filled by someone else... You have lost control of the situation. There will be another job out there for you, sometimes it takes time to find a place and work your way back to you former title, but the longer you hold onto the past, the further you are from finding happiness in the future.
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