kpin124 Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 ok well i am new on here and am glad i found this place because i have really been looking for someone to talk to about all this..... alright well i am a mw and i am currently having a relationship with a mm..... i have been married 5 years and i do love my husband however we got married because i was pregnant and we have had a pretty good relationship but it is missing something it is like we just get along for our son put on a show when we are around family to make them think we have this perfect life....... well about 2 years ago i meet a man on the internet and we began talking just as friends and it really stayed that way for about 6 months or so and then he just dissapperead i didn't know what happen to him then after about 4 months he was back and we started talking again he made me feel good and i looked forward to talking to him... well i started having feeling for him but wasn't for sure if he had feelings for me and then finally one day something was said over a im conversation and i knew that he did have feeling for me... well he then started asking me to meet him i was very scared because i didn't think he would like me he would think i was to fat you know all that kind of stuff running thru my head and i would have rather never meet him and just had what we had then to meet him and he not like me that would of been devostating... well anyway my h knows i talk to this mm and is kind of ok with just as long as it doesn't interfer with time i spend with my son or him in the evenings... so i started loosing weight and i have lost 65 pounds since starting talking to the mm and i finally got up the nerve to meet him... well lets just say it was awsome we spent 4 hours together and didn't want to leave each other it was everything i had imagined and more.... i just find myself now wondering is it really worth it... we are still talking and have plans to meet again in the near future he lives 3 hours away... but i just wonder is it really worth it... he makes me feel so good about myself and he is caring i think one thing that i really like about him is he is 8 years older than me and i feel safe with my my h is younger than me by a year and he is so inmature.... i just don't know so any advice you could send my way would be great....
d'Arthez Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 One problem with getting involved with a MM, is that you only see a limited side of him. His best side to be precise. If he is so wonderful and caring, and what not, why does he have a wife who probably does not see this wonderful and caring attitude directed at her? He may say that he is in a crappy marriage himself too, but that does not make it true. And it does not even mean that he believes that he is in a crappy marriage. People can lie, and yes people can lie on the internet too. 4 hours of spending time together in real life is way too short to have a good estimate of a person, even moreso when you are "falling" for the image of the person portrayed. And if you are married, and together for quite a while, it is impossible for anyone to be constantly on his / her best behavior yourself. Has there never been anything to your relationship with your husband? I doubt it. If MM was so mature himself, he should have addressed the issues in his marriage himself, and if such efforts had proven not satisfactory, started divorce proceedings. Now, you can try to get both in your life, with the risk of losing all (financially and emotionally), sort things out in your marriage, or end the marriage, and choose whether or not to pursue this MM. He is married, so I would be anything but certain that doing so, would result in you and MM ending up together. Thread carefully, and don't rush headlong into anything.
Owl Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 Kpin- Do yourself a favor...go take a look at my story, and read this from your husband's view. I've got not one bit of doubt that he doesn't have a clue how far things have gone, or he wouldn't be so fine with you're IMing this guy. Take a look at the whole thread. See the conclusions that my wife came to. Go over to the marriagebuilders website, and do a search for a thread about online emotional affairs by someone named cardsonly. Don't do this thinking 'well, my story is different'. Cause it's not. It really isn't. The more you come to sites like this, the more and more you see that the situations are always very very similar...the emotions behind them the same, and the fixes to these problems are pretty much universal too. Don't run away from this thread because I've posted something that you don't like, please. Read what I've said...THINK about it. Go to MB, read that stuff, start posting on the forum there...and you will learn a LOT. Good luck to you and your family. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t49539/
whichwayisup Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 On a positive note, it's good this man has motivated you to do some changes and made you feel good. But...Focus that energy into your husband and family. This is your life and before the MM came along I bet you were content enough...Just that the MM woke something up in you and stirred up emotions/feelings that haven't been felt in a very long time. Reality is, you don't know this man at all and he doesn't know you. After 4 hours there is NO WAY you can decide he is the one for you...No matter how he makes you feel. Both of you are caught up in the "fanasties of the what if's" and all is happy and well in that world. It isn't worth it. Don't meet up with him again. Talk to your husband and tell him that you're lonely and both of you need to go to marriage counselling...Work together to make the marriage better. Let him know your needs, and you can find out his. Tell him how close you were from leaving him and your family for some man you barely know.
Author kpin124 Posted November 19, 2005 Author Posted November 19, 2005 i just am already in so deep...... the only time that we meet we had sex 3 times i am starting to feel very used like all he wanted was to "get some" part of me wants to go and tell my husband what i have done and then another part of me wants to keep lying to everyone that i love and if i get the opportunity to see mm again go..... i have been happy with my h he has made me very happy but we have also had some very bad times as well this past valentines day he told me he just didn't think he wanted to be with me anymore and wanted to leave i told him that if that was what he wanted then to do it that i was giving him the opportunity to leave us free and clear he thought about it and decieded to stay but i am always thinking when is he going to come home again and say that very same thing and actually do it.. he has messed around with a girl from his work lunch dates everyone at his place of work thought the two of them were sleeping together he swears they weren't but i really don't believe him... so maybe all of this has a little something to do with my need to feel wanted by someone... now for my mm he has 2 children and had been married for 8 years he says they don't sleep together or even in the same room.... says he never would of married her if she wouldn't have been pregnant and that they just co-exsist in the same house for the children also says if there was a way he could wake up every morning and see his kids without his wife he would do it in a heart beat.. i am just very confused i have good days and then bad days sometime i just sit and cry for what i have got my self into but yet i keep the relationship with mm going and right now i am sitting here thinking what the hell is wrong with me.... thanks for your help and anymore advice you have i will be happy to have....
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