tornbetween Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 I got to know my boyfriend through Lavalife. We have been dating online for a year and 2 months. We have met twice though. The first time, my family and I went to Vancouver to meet him, he flew to Vancouver from Toronto to meet me. The second time, he flew to Singapore to meet me for 2 weeks. We had so much fun together. I brought him everywhere, even to Malaysia and he was happy and jovial. At first my parents was skeptical about guys you meet online, but after spending 2 weeks with him, they like him and think that he is a very nice guy to have come all the way to Singapore to see me. We chat on the phone almost everyday, chat online and also share a photo blog on our daily lives. I admit that he is the best boyfriend I ever had so far, and I know that he loves me very much because of the things that he has done. He tried applying for jobs in Singapore but none of the company offered him a job. Recently, he got a job which offered him more than what he was earning, and he has to travel to the states sometimes, maybe 3-5 days. Right now, he is looking for a new place to stay because the place where he is staying now is quite far from his workplace. End of January, I will be going to Canada, Mississauga to stay with him on a vistor pass. He said he is going to marry me and hopefully he can apply for me to stay in Canada. We have been looking at apartments and I feel happy whenever I think of how we are going to decorate the house, and finally we can be together. But I realised that I have not been sleeping well recently and sometimes, my tears just roll down my face. I feel sad deep inside and dare not tell anyone. I have been thinking about my parents, I am currently living with my parents. We are very close and my mom would rub my toes every night while we watch television together (defines the closeness). My dad also dotes on me very much, even more than my brother. I heard him telling my mom that he cannot bear to see me go away, to somewhere so far. Canada is 24 hours flight + transit. Whenever I think about leaving them, the tears automatically swell up in my eyes. As the days draw nearer, I find myself having difficulty sleeping at night. I think about lots of things, about being alone in the house when he has to travel (all alone in a foreign land, makes me scared), about not being able to work because I am on vistor pass, about being homesick, about not being able to take the cold etc etc. Everynight, I have double thoughts about going to Canada. I keep telling myself not to think so much and everything will be fine. I can't bear to lose my boyfriend because of not going to Canada, and at the same time, I do not wish to be far away from my parents too. I am torn between. I really don't know what to do. I cry and pray everynight for some guidance. I didn't tell my boyfriend about this because I know that there is nothing he can do, as he just got a new job and I don't want to demoralise him. What should I do?
Outcast Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 This is a very small world now. With email and IMs and webcams and the telephone, nobody is really far away. Toronto's a huge place - lots of things to do and people to meet and I'm sure you will make friends.
ZGT1503 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Yes it is a big step to take, but one day you will have to do it anyway, and it's true that being in a different country nowadays is not really much different from being in a different city. It is easy to stay in touch, and there comes a time for everyone when they have to move away from their parents. It is normal that your parents will be sad when you go, but this is a positive sign of love and care (which a lot of people don't have). The problem I see is that you don't seem to have spoken to your partner about this. If your relationship is strong and close (as it sounds it is, if you are planning to move to be with each other) then this is something you should be able to discuss with him. It is perfectly normal that you have fears and apprehensions - it is a big step. I'm also about to move to a different country to be with my boyfriend, and before we decided this, we discussed it in detail and I told him my thoughts and worries. Your boyfriend sounds like he would understand your feelings, and I think it would help you to share your concerns and your sadness with him. You are in a situation where you have to choose one place over the other. You will always be sad when you leave your parents, but at least now you are leaving them to be with someone else who loves you and who you want to be with. Good luck with your move - go for it! Life is too short to not take a risk just because it's safe... It will always be difficult at the start, but it's usually always worth it!
slubberdegullion Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 ...it's usually always worth it! usually always??
ZGT1503 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 The irony is that I'm a translator and proofreader by profession... good call!
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