HeartSprinkles Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 I recently started dating a new man. He is wonderful. I feel very lucky to have in my life. He is the only one I would break my vow of single-hood for. He always says nice things, calls me, writes me, and pays for me. He treats me better than any of my previous bfs. My problem is that he pays for me. He gets his card out faster than I can say "hippopotamus!" I feel terrible about it. I always try to pay, and I always say thank you when he buys. My attempts rarely succeed, but I do buy the small things. (Like the movie rental, or coffee, or cheap drinks.) But only b/c I shove my way to the cashier and throw my money on the counter. This last time we hung out...ate together...he went to pay, and his check card was declined. So when I saw that...my heart sank. I never would want anyone to compromise their financial situation b/c of me. I also thought this would be my opportunity to pay...he beat me to it...he charged it. So now I can't shake it...I am having this terrible guilt trip. I told him that money wasn't important to me. So, guys...gals...should I feel guilty? Am I being silly? Please give me some perspective...
slubberdegullion Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 This is an easy one to manage. Cook for him instead. Or, better yet, both of you cook something in the kitchen together for a meal, instead of going out. And be thankful that he's like this. He obviously cares quite a bit, so show him you care too.
Enema Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 ^^ Ignore that post. Communication and trust is the cornerstone of any good relationship. Where is your communication? TALK to him, tell him it makes you feel bad and that you would be much more comfortable if he would let you pay once in a while. Did you seriously ask a forum of strangers before you asked the most important non-family member in your life?
Walk Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 My bf pays for everything when we go out too. Always has. Definitely talk with him about it. My bf told me that he feels very strongly that it's the man's responsibilty to provide. Meaning, pay for the meals, and stuff. He lets me get the smaller stuff, like the tip, or coffee's. I've talked til I was blue in the face about how I feel it should be 50/50 across the board, but he was brought up old school. Men pay. So I comprimised. We don't go to fancy restaurants, we cook our own meals a lot, I even it out by buying the groceries (which doesn't cost much.). See what he say's first about why he does this. If you're not comfortable with it then try to come up with alternatives, and ideas that aren't black and white where you force him to accept your paying or else. Comprimise.
Author HeartSprinkles Posted November 18, 2005 Author Posted November 18, 2005 I know that talking and communcation are always a good answer, so I I'm an advocate of it. I have told him that I feel bad about him paying, but he just smiles and blows it off. He knows how I feel. I guess there is nothing more to it...I will just assert myself and try to take some of the financial burden off of him. I'm not high maitenience...and I never want to be thought of that way. Thanks slubberdegullion for the advice about cooking...although, I don't want to kill him...hehehe. Enema...you are not strangers...you are my pseudo-online family! :bunny:
Art_Critic Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 I'd go with Slub's Advice.. Making a home cooked meal would go along way in leveling the playing field.. And he would love it more than anything.. no matter how good you can cook
Outcast Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 And be thankful that he's like this I wouldn't be too hasty to be 'thankful' about this. Maybe the check card problem was just a fluke but it's not impossible that he's trying to play the macho role and overspending. Just because he's male doesn't mean he's a whiz with money. Definitely do more of the cooking - you may keep him out of debtor's prison!
SmoochieFace Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 ...he went to pay, and his check card was declined. Ouch! That's gotta sting!
Author HeartSprinkles Posted November 18, 2005 Author Posted November 18, 2005 Ouch! That's gotta sting! I believe his ego was crushed at that moment...
SmoochieFace Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 I believe his ego was crushed at that moment... That's why one must make sure the bank account is well-stocked before whipping out the check card. Your beauty and charm must have distracted him!
Author HeartSprinkles Posted November 18, 2005 Author Posted November 18, 2005 Awwwwh! Made my day smoochie!
SmoochieFace Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 Awwwwh! Made my day smoochie! Thanks but shh! We don't wanna make Alpha jealous!
ihope4u Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 girl do this i know nobody should get thing for free from anybody but if he wants to pay say thanks next time before going to the movies or anything tell him u r going to buy the pop corn and he can buy the tickets or sothinglike it try to share the responsabilities you know and if he doesn't let u well he is going to go broke lol no just talk to him and tellhim what is happening and girls come on don't let anyone buy you stuff all the time i think it doesn't look good you area woman u can take care of yourself and share the controll
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