Author pag78 Posted November 18, 2005 Author Posted November 18, 2005 does he really deserve the money after everything she has been through. i have no problem paying it, but all the ridicule and everything she went through, i don't think he deserves it. Should I look past all the lying and the flash. It;s hard to believe that that is all that happened in 6 months but she swears up and down it is. The fact is, if I didn't find this out now, it would still be going on, and who knows what else she may have done. It sickens me to no end. If i didn't care about her, I wouldn't be on this forum asking for help. I think these are more then enough grounds for a break up, but I do care and in a way I feel bad for her and want to help her escape this situation. She already quit and now is going to really struggle until she finds a second job, so what should I do. Just believe her even though she has been lying to me the entire time we have been dating?
Art_Critic Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 She made the deal.. she needs to repay the loan.. and if you stiff him then she could have to deal with him on some other level. it could open a whole can of worms and someone could get hurt. I'm not saying the guy isn't a creep or that he deserves the money.. But to be fair she did borrow the money and agree to the terms.. slimey or not. Why would you even hesitate ???? You say you care about her ?? Well it is only money and if throwing 600 bucks at something to make sure she stayed safe it is more than worth it. It is starting to sound to me that you are weighing if she is worth the 600 bucks..
Author pag78 Posted November 18, 2005 Author Posted November 18, 2005 no not at all. to she she is worth a million otherwise i wouldn't be on here. i wouldn't be on here if i didn't care. it's only 600. not a big deal. but i just think she has been through enough turmoil and she has done enough for him that he doesn't deserve it. before she quit she told him that she would pay him the money back and he said don't worry about it.... i feel horrible about this and the way that I am treating her. i know she did what she had to do, but everytime i think of what happened I think of the distrust. So I ask you, is she all done with the bull****? Now that everything is out on the table, will it all stop. and by the way. I have heard that he has done or tried doing this with his workers before. I think this is grounds for a sexual harrassment case. So wouldn't letting him off the hook by not going to the police be enough payment? Mind you he has been paying these girls cash for working so he would owe thousands in back taxes over the years. Oh and by the way, I called him and he denied everything. He told me nothing happened ever. And I said how could you say that when she told me flat out what she did. And he just said, It never happened. What a nice guy...
Art_Critic Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 So I ask you, is she all done with the bull****? Now that everything is out on the table, will it all stop. Only she knows that for sure.. And you have the next best seat to figuring that out.. That is why I was talking about if you think she is being geniune to you. Tough call to make.. The only way to find out may be to give her a break and ease up on the distrust issue and let your relationship play out a little further and see.. If he told her to not worry about repaying the loan.. Then there is your answer to the loan..
Outcast Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 he said the man was "not good looking at all" which I assumed was a bit of an understatment. If that's the case then she'd have to be pretty desperate for the money in order to wrap lips around something disgusting Men, like women, all look alike from the waist down. He may have very nice equipment even if he's not Brad Pitt. As for trusting her, she hid it from you because she was horribly embarrassed and ashamed. It took great courage for her to overcome her shame and it shows she really has come to trust you. I would be pleased that she has confessed and take it as a sign that she trusts you now with her secrets. Of course she wasn't about to tell you right off the bat. She needed to know that you're not just another jerk and it takes time - especially for someone who's had her bad experiences - to trust someone. I think now she's 'fessed up to you you can feel closer to her and that you can trust her, especially since she even quit that job to show she's serious about being ashamed of it. Put yourself in her place: if you had done something you were terribly ashamed of, you'd not rush to confess it to someone you value and whose opinion you valued. I'm sure there are flaws of yours that you didn't rush to show her when you first knew her.
Walk Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 can accept pretty much what she has done... but what about the flashing while she was with me? What about the denying and lying she has done. I give her credit, it took a big person to admit something like that, but to keep those messages from me for 7 months, does that make it ok? What about her telling him " on saturday cuz (I) he works" Does it make it okay? I was thinking about this for a while... How would someone bring something like this up to a SO? Especially if you didn't tell them off the bat. It'd just compound every day that you didn't tell them. For every day that went by you would've thought "why didn't you tell me this (whenever)?" And how would she bring this up? "Uhm.. honey. I love you but I had to suck my bosses thingy so I could borrow money." Like just lean over while you're watching a movie and whisper it in your ear. (I'm joking) I don't thin this is one of those things that has a good way to bring up. It's got to be horrifying for her in the first place, and also a lot of fear that you would no longer love her after you knew. So each day she didn't tell you wouldn't be done to hurt you, or specifically lie. But if I were her, the immense burden and stress this would've created had to be horrendous. I doubt she would've told you if you hadn't stumbled onto those emails. She probably should've, but how? When? And the fear and shame combined with that. I wouldn't have been able to confess unless caught. She had a lot at stake not to tell, and yet, I bet it must be somewhat of a relief to have you know. Even if you no longer want to be with her. Just try to imagine bringing up a problem like this, with all the feelings involved with a SO. I know I'm an avoidance type personality, so it would be especially hard for me. It's not right, but don't punish her too much more for it.
Mary3 Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 Hello ?? This is Sexual Harassment ! Your gf can wind up OWNING the bar after she hires an attorney and HOPEFULLY you kept and printed ALL the emails because you are going to need EVIDENCE for a judge to SEE. Now hopefully you will record ( if legal ) your gf and her boss and her asking him WHY he did this to her. But of course you already talked to him and he DENIED it. Now of course she could be making all this up BUT if she is NOT then your girlfriend has grounds for a lawsuit against the owner for him making sexual suggestions, forcing her to flash for fear of losing her job , oral sex , ect. She owes the scumbag NOTHING . He might owe her quite alot when this is over. Now be smart. Don't talk to the boss until you secure an attorney and let him/her take over from here. As for as the moral issue. I dont condone or condemn her for what she did. We were not in her shoes. I CAN say I know if I needed to borrow money it would NOT be from my boss who told me the conditions were that I suck his pecker. Hello ? Thats just sick. Document ! Document everything and find an attorney. If your gf is BS you then well you will know soon enough.
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