What to do What to do....

[pag78]

I haven't posted in about a year since my wife left me and now I am dating a new girl. She's 23 with a 5 year old daughter and I'm 27. We have been dating for 7 months to the day. Everything has been going pretty well until I found something out Saturday which turned my world upside down.

 

She works 2 jobs, one part time at a bar, and the other a full time desk job. Before we started dating, she was short on cash and bills were tight. Her boss at the bar said he would give her 700 but in exchange he wanted a favor. That favor being oral sex. She agreed. Since then she has only paid him back $100 because she wasn't making enough to pay her bills and give him back the money. Since then he has been emailing her and asking for interest payments ( a flash, oral sex, or sex) I didn't know anything was going on until I checked her messages on the computer and he kept on insisting that she give him and interest payment and she would respond, "not tonight my tooth hurts" "not tonight, but saturday when he (I) am at work.... etc. She said she did this to blow him off so he would stop asking. By the way this man is not good looking at all.

 

When I asked her about it at first she denied anything had happened, but then three days later she broke down and told me what she did before we started dating and that she had flashed him 2 weeks prior.

 

I was furious! I coldn't believe it was happening again. It seems like every woman I meet was out to cheat on me.

 

I understand why she hid that and why she lied about it because she was ashamed. She needed the money to support her kid and to pay bills and she has apologized up and down and said she felt she had to do it or she would get fired and that this job was paying most of the bills. So.... what should I do. Call it quits. It took a very strong person to admit something so disgusting or should I stick with her and look past everything and hope that this will never happen again. I can get past the whole flash thing, I can try and get past the whole oral sex thing, but the lying and the fact that she hid this for 7 months kills me. Please help

[Art_Critic]

If you really care about her and think that she is genuine with you then you have to give her the 600 bucks left for her to pay so she can get out of the jam she has put herself in.

It is only 600 bucks..

 

If you think that she is not being genuine with you then you have no choice but to kick her to the curb.

 

Either way I do think you should look long and hard about what type of person would take money for sex..

[Walk]

Either way I do think you should look long and hard about what type of person would take money for sex..

 

Uh. What?!?!

 

Maybe the kind of woman who has a 5 year old child she has to feed, house, and protect?

 

Friggin' insensitive bastards on here tonight.

 

Yeah, dump her. *sarcasm* Where was she supposed to get $700 bucks from? The bank? You? She didn't have the money, and she's working 2 jobs already, the last thing she's got that she can sell is soemthing you men buy all the damn time anyway. You've probably bought a bunch of women at the bar, or thought you did when you bought 'em a few beers and a dinner. But this girl needs a load of cash so that her and her little one can survive, and you wanna kick her to the curb? Insensitive prick.

 

She made a mistake, but I bet she didn't feel she had any other option. I know I can't come up with $700 right now and if I had a child at home that depended on me, I would suck a guys dick to make sure that my child didn't die of starvation or hypothermia. Now you wanna throw it in her face that she had to sink so low. Sweet. Cause I'm sure she feels really happy, and proud that she had to admit she did that. Knowing that you would probably dump her ass, she still admitted to it. That took guts and courage. Probably more then men like you.

 

Kick her to the curb. I bet she did this intentionally cause she picked you out months ago. WTF?

[witabix]

If you really care about her and think that she is genuine with you then you have to give her the 600 bucks left for her to pay so she can get out of the jam she has put herself in.

It is only 600 bucks..

 

If you think that she is not being genuine with you then you have no choice but to kick her to the curb.

 

Either way I do think you should look long and hard about what type of person would take money for sex..

 

I agree with everything AC said, xcept the last part. She was in a bind. WTF was she meant to do? This guy needs his head cracking. But not until she is clear, or has another job. You know what I would do? I would help her get another job, then I would stiff him for his measly six hundred, then I would make sure his hospital bill was far more than six hundred. This guy is a total creep who exploits women, I think she is blameless, he manipulated her, this is not about lying, she didn't "lie" she was sooooo embarressed I think. Don't take it out on her, take it out on him. He is a total f**king snake. Oh and by the way it doesn't actually matter if she is genuine with you or not, men like this need to be sorted out. You like her, help her out. That is what a gentleman would do. Its not always about what is in it for you, sometimes it is the thing to do.

[witabix]

Right on Walk!!! You are definately correct on this. Power to you!!

[Art_Critic]

 

Friggin' insensitive bastards on here tonight.

 

How was my post insensitive Walk ??????? giving someone advice to THINK about something is not insensitive..

 

How about reading all of my post next time.. And I'm not a bastard thank you very much

[witabix]

Either way I do think you should look long and hard about what type of person would take money for sex..

 

I am not a female, but I find this comment insensitive. Sorry for that, but I do. This will go off topic very quickly I know, all I will say is that women have been exploited by men throughout the ages and the answer to the above question is...

 

There but for the grace of God go I.....

 

May God forgive us all for our exploitation of our female counteparts.

[Art_Critic]

I am not a female, but I find this comment insensitive. Sorry for that, but I do. This will go off topic very quickly I know, all I will say is that women have been exploited by men throughout the ages and the answer to the above question is...

 

There but for the grace of God go I.....

 

May God forgive us all for our exploitation of our female counteparts.

 

I myself would never sell my body for money.. Call me what you want.. But I never would offer or take money for sex..

 

What I meant by the remark is that if the OP is like me and wouldn't take money for sex then he needs to really think about what type of person will and does he really want to be matched or involved with someone of such different morals..

 

And to be called a bastard for having a god given opinion is insulting..

[witabix]

Hay Ac, I never called you anything. I have read your posts here many times and I generally respect your opinion, hang on , I respect everyone's opinion all the time.

 

I was disagreeing with you, I certainly hope I was not insulting you, if I did i sincerely apologise to you, unreservedly and without prejudice.

[Art_Critic]

Hay Ac, I never called you anything. I have read your posts here many times and I generally respect your opinion, hang on , I respect everyone's opinion all the time.

 

I was disagreeing with you, I certainly hope I was not insulting you, if I did i sincerely apologise to you, unreservedly and without prejudice.

 

Sorry Witabix..I wasn't pointing my comments at you.. even though it looked like it.. I apologize for the miscommunication.. my fault

 

I was trying to explain my reasoning for posting the statement in question and clear up the fact that it was meant to open the OP eyes and not offend someone.. In my first post I was posting to the OP not to all women of LS

[mini696]

I agree that if you really love her you should try to pay the money back yourself. Get the cash, give it to him personally, tell him she quits, then help her find another job.

 

Then tell her she is a slut.

[Walk]

You're right. That was uncivilized, rude, and judgmental of me to call you a bastard. I apologize for the harsh words, and quick temper. You're comment seemed narrow minded, and judgmental to me. But I responded in kind and that was wrong of me. Please accept my apologies.

 

However, If you can answer no to the following questions, then I won't call you a hypocrite.

 

1. Have you ever purchased a drink for a woman at a bar with the express intent of getting her to notice you?

2. Have you ever taken a woman out on a date a paid for the meal?

3. Have you purchased jewelry or gifts for a woman?

4. At any point in your life have you taken a woman on vacation and paid for the expenses?

5. Have you purchased porn, or any sort of pornographic material in your life?

6. After purchasing a woman an expensive item, if she didn't have sex with you afterward were you upset? (I'm not sure you'll answer this one truthfully.)

7. Have you ever gone to a strip club, or topless bar?

8. Have you tipped a waitress more because she's cute, or pretty, or flirting with you?

9. When is the last time you couldn't afford to buy food and had a 5 year old child at home?

 

Sorry, number 9 doesn't really count.

 

You may not believe in selling your body for money, but I'm sure you've "bought" your share over the years. And I've been too close to homeless and starving to be narrow minded about what someone needs to do to survive.

 

I think you look as this from the other side of the box. What's the difference between going home with a guy on a one night stand after he bought you beers all night vs this? I think there's a big difference, but not for the same reasons you do. If she'd sold her body for drugs or to get something that could harm her, or others, then I don't agree with what she did. But to protect and provide for our children, mothers do what needs to be done. Whether that will end up emotionally scaring them or not. It wasn't did she give him oral for money? It's did she give him oral to make sure her child had food and shelter? That's a big difference.

 

Was it right? probably not. Should she be condemed for her actions? No.

 

Sorry again for calling you a bastard.

[witabix]

No probs Ac, I do not come on here to upset or insult anyone. You had no need to apologise to me, but your apologies are accepted totally.

 

You said that you would never accept money for sex. Ok I can accept that, but...

 

Odd that there is always but? I think you are a guy, as am I, and I think that even in this post rennaissance world things aren't as eqaul as we think. My point was that we, as men, although neither you nor I are responsible for the exploitation of this particular woman or any other women for that matter, we do have a responsibilty to ensure that this kind of deviant behaviour is acknowledged for what it is. I grew up in a poor neighbourhood where women were forced into such situations. I always felt that it was the men who paid who were to blame, not the women.

 

You cannot sell something that no one will buy, if all men were like you the dreadful lives that so many women live would not happen. Maybe then society would help these people to live fulfilling lives, we live in the first world, but we still make so many of our society live in third world conditions. I will stop now or I will bang about this for several pages. I hope you get my point.

[Art_Critic]

Thanks for the apology Walk..

 

I don't really want to turn this thread into a thread about the right of a woman to sell her body or the fact that men pay for dates/gifts means we pay for sex thread..

 

But I would like to address number 9.. yes I have had to go without in order to keep a roof over my and my familes head and keep food on the table.... including my stepdaughter age 4 at the time..

 

My marriage to my ex kept me in a debt that nobody can fathom..

I didn't sell my body then and still would never do it..

 

The OP stated she works 2 jobs.. So you turning this into a starving situation is just wrong.. She isn't starving..

 

I have never said she should be codemmed for her actions.. In fact I said the opposite..I said he should pay the 600 bucks .. IF he thinks she is being genuine.. He may feel that she is just using him for all we know.. We don''t have all the info like the OP has

 

 

And.. Thanks again for the apology.. and I'm sorry for the miscommunication that I created..

 

 

 

You're right. That was uncivilized, rude, and judgmental of me to call you a bastard. I apologize for the harsh words, and quick temper. You're comment seemed narrow minded, and judgmental to me. But I responded in kind and that was wrong of me. Please accept my apologies.

 

However, If you can answer no to the following questions, then I won't call you a hypocrite.

 

1. Have you ever purchased a drink for a woman at a bar with the express intent of getting her to notice you?

2. Have you ever taken a woman out on a date a paid for the meal?

3. Have you purchased jewelry or gifts for a woman?

4. At any point in your life have you taken a woman on vacation and paid for the expenses?

5. Have you purchased porn, or any sort of pornographic material in your life?

6. After purchasing a woman an expensive item, if she didn't have sex with you afterward were you upset? (I'm not sure you'll answer this one truthfully.)

7. Have you ever gone to a strip club, or topless bar?

8. Have you tipped a waitress more because she's cute, or pretty, or flirting with you?

9. When is the last time you couldn't afford to buy food and had a 5 year old child at home?

 

Sorry, number 9 doesn't really count.

 

You may not believe in selling your body for money, but I'm sure you've "bought" your share over the years. And I've been too close to homeless and starving to be narrow minded about what someone needs to do to survive.

 

I think you look as this from the other side of the box. What's the difference between going home with a guy on a one night stand after he bought you beers all night vs this? I think there's a big difference, but not for the same reasons you do. If she'd sold her body for drugs or to get something that could harm her, or others, then I don't agree with what she did. But to protect and provide for our children, mothers do what needs to be done. Whether that will end up emotionally scaring them or not. It wasn't did she give him oral for money? It's did she give him oral to make sure her child had food and shelter? That's a big difference.

 

Was it right? probably not. Should she be condemed for her actions? No.

 

Sorry again for calling you a bastard.

[Art_Critic]

I hope you get my point.

 

I got it Wixabix.. And I do have some of the same thoughts as you do..

 

But for now I'm going to end the hijack and turn the thread back over to anyone else..

[witabix]

However, If you can answer no to the following questions, then I won't call you a hypocrite.

 

1. Have you ever purchased a drink for a woman at a bar with the express intent of getting her to notice you?

2. Have you ever taken a woman out on a date a paid for the meal?

3. Have you purchased jewelry or gifts for a woman?

4. At any point in your life have you taken a woman on vacation and paid for the expenses?

5. Have you purchased porn, or any sort of pornographic material in your life?

6. After purchasing a woman an expensive item, if she didn't have sex with you afterward were you upset? (I'm not sure you'll answer this one truthfully.)

7. Have you ever gone to a strip club, or topless bar?

8. Have you tipped a waitress more because she's cute, or pretty, or flirting with you?

9. When is the last time you couldn't afford to buy food and had a 5 year old child at home?

 

Sorry, number 9 doesn't really count.

 

 

Walk interesting set of questions. I also disagree with AC, but I found it reveling to answer your questions myself (Off topic now I know)

 

1- Yes, I married her. But since then no. Divorced now.

2- Yes, she was my wife at the time. Now no, I expect a woman to pay her way.

3-Yes for all the women I have been with.

4-Yes with my ex wife, but no since.

5-Yes. For consumption by my partner and I.

6-No. I offer gifts of time, love and monetary value because I want the person to know how much I feel for them, actions/words difference.

7- No they are boring.

8- No, not ever.

9- When my daughter was 5 years old and I couldn't afford the rent.

 

Am I a hypocrite? AC was offering his view, it differs from yours and mine, but is equally valid. I am a good man who cares about people, and you know what I reckon AC is too, and I reckon you are too. The original poster should help the woman escape the predicament she is in. Not because there is something in it for him, but because it is the right thing to do.

[Art_Critic]

The original poster should help the woman escape the predicament she is in. Not because there is something in it for him, but because it is the right thing to do.

 

 

Great Point.. Well made:)

[Walk]

The OP stated she works 2 jobs.. So you turning this into a starving situation is just wrong.. She isn't starving..

Before we started dating, she was short on cash and bills were tight. Her boss at the bar said he would give her 700 but in exchange he wanted a favor. That favor being oral sex. She agreed. Since then she has only paid him back $100 because she wasn't making enough to pay her bills and give him back the money.

She needed the money to support her kid and to pay bills

 

I made assumptions based upon the two quotes above. Also general assumption that pag78 would probably be dating a decent woman if it's lasted 7 months. And because the he said the man was "not good looking at all" which I assumed was a bit of an understatment. If that's the case then she'd have to be pretty desperate for the money in order to wrap lips around something disgusting. And I can't imagine a woman who is willing to work 2 jobs, would lower herself to the degradation unless absolutely necessary. She seems to have a work ethic.

 

So, having said all that. I'm making a lot of assumptions. pag78 will have to decide how desperate her situation may have been at the time. If she felt there were no other alternatives, then weight should be given to that.

My marriage to my ex kept me in a debt that nobody can fathom..

I didn't sell my body then and still would never do it..

I'm asking cause I don't know... Would a woman have bought you? Or not even specifically you, but a man, at a price that would be comparable to this situation? 'Cause I wouldn't.

[Walk]

Am I a hypocrite? AC was offering his view, it differs from yours and mine, but is equally valid. I am a good man who cares about people, and you know what I reckon AC is too, and I reckon you are too. The original poster should help the woman escape the predicament she is in. Not because there is something in it for him, but because it is the right thing to do.

 

I agree with what you said. I guess my point in all that was to attempt to point out that the basic underlying action of men is to buy things for woman, which will hopefully result in sex at some point. That might not be your explicit intention. But most men say that sex is priorty on needs that must be met. I'm probably just too jaded (divorced too), but seems as if most men have the idea that it's the sex they want/crave, and if the girl has a good personality it's a bonus. And no matter how great her personality, if she's unattractive physically then......

 

you get my drift. Sorry I hijacked. I'm gonna stop now.

[Art_Critic]

Would a woman have bought you? Or not even specifically you, but a man, at a price that would be comparable to this situation? 'Cause I wouldn't.

Your trying to get me to say that I don't have something to sell.. Well I do.. maybe not to you.. but there are male strippers and male gigalos

 

So the argument that women have something to sell and men do not is off base..and inaccurate

 

So I can comment in the same arena as the GF of the OP..

[Walk]

Your trying to get me to say that I don't have something to sell.. Well I do.. maybe not to you.. but there are male strippers and male gigalos

 

I wasn't trying to insult you. From other posts it sounds like your quite the catch.

 

I was not going to take gay sex or same sex as a possible alternative for a man since there's a huge stigma, and some straight men would see having their skin flawed off as a better alternative. Which would make selling their body for sex moot, since they'd rather die at that point.

 

Oh... wait, just say the stripper part. You're right. We do pay.

[Art_Critic]

I wasn't trying to insult you. From other posts it sounds like your quite the catch.

 

 

Relax.. and thanks..

 

I never thought about gay sex.. Good point..

 

You are right that the margin of buyers would be narrow in comparrison to a woman but the margin would still be there if someone needed money..

And there is always the underground s&m market as well..

[pag78]

I can accept pretty much what she has done... but what about the flashing while she was with me? What about the denying and lying she has done. I give her credit, it took a big person to admit something like that, but to keep those messages from me for 7 months, does that make it ok? What about her telling him " on saturday cuz (I) he works" Does it make it okay?

 

Walk what do you think?

[Art_Critic]

She obviously fely pressured to the point that she would do something like that..

Pay the 600 bucks and remove the pressure. People will do extradiary things that they normally would not do if they feel threatened or pressured.

[newbby]

i would just like to point out there there's a difference between deciding to go out and give sex for money, and being in an everyday situation that turns to an offer of money for sex.

also there is a difference between being in a two parent home and struggling and being the sole provider of everything, not just material things, with nobody to lean on for support or even talk to and struggling.

to the op, perhaps she is not fully secure in your relationship yet and is trying to hold onto some independence. perhaps she only viewed it as work.