Lissy-Mae Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 How do you not feel horrible about yourself? How do I get rid of this pain inside me? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 Self confidence & Self esteem are internal feelings. They do not come from outside validation through another person. You realize that somebody else's opinion about you is not who you are & it is not a measure of your self worth. You need to see the good in yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 I read your other thread. Since you have a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, and you clearly know what this means, and you are also in therapy and on medication - the #1 most important thing you can do is to recognize when your feelings and behavior are informed by this disorder. It doesn't mean that you will necessarily be able to stop the feelings or act differently whenever you have an impulse - but you can recognize and affirm to yourself that you are in, for example, a negative, self defeating and destructive thought loop. The next step is to not act upon these. I'm sure in your therapy you have done some exploring of ways to step aside from your emotions when you're engulfed with them, and take more of an "observer" role for a few moments. It's not helping you to allow yourself to spin and spin in all of this self hatred because of another person. Yes, you feel what you feel. But you do have some control over whether you throw yourself head first into the self loathing, hopelessness etc. Your feelings are not actually reflecting objective facts. You do feel horrible about yourself, it's a terribly intense feeling - but it does not mean that you ARE horrible at all. This surely sounds superficial but sometimes the very best you can do is to take on a distraction. Or do something like put on makeup or go for a hike with a dog. Things to jar you out of the loop. 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brambling Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 I'm sorry you're feeling so down and bad about yourself. I take it that you mean he broke up with you, or rejected your advance, but what do you mean by 'severely'? No one should be mean or nasty to you, and if they are, then their action and words are a proof of their character, and it is them who are horrible, not you. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 You repeat to yourself that this is only one or a few men and their narrow opinions. It is hard to take but you absolutely must rise above it in the future. I know this from rejections by women. Nasty! Insulting Try not to obsess over it or ruin your week. Or life The man is not for you nor are you for him Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted March 13 Share Posted March 13 On 3/4/2024 at 1:48 AM, Lissy-Mae said: How do you not feel horrible about yourself? How do I get rid of this pain inside me? Confidence always comes from WITHIN.......you have to believe in yourself before others will believe in you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 13 Share Posted March 13 I appreciate cultivating confidence from within. Albeit, confidence from within is a bit of a landmine if you’re trying to navigate your confidence through the dis-trust and rejection that is easily catapulted to you from a man that you had hoped would not reject you. Honestly, I think your confidence is influenced by the people you know and your past experiences. Confidence and experience are positively correlated. The more experience you have, the more confident you become in your skills. It's like the more you do something, the better you feel about doing it. What happened in this particular rejection and is it indicative of all men? Probably not. And regardless of what happened I would suggest sitting down and taking inventory on what truly makes you confident deep down. Maybe its your intelligence? Maybe its your sense of humor? Regardless of what is it, focus in on that strength to take you through the disappointment. Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted March 17 Share Posted March 17 On 3/13/2024 at 7:43 AM, Alpacalia said: I appreciate cultivating confidence from within. Albeit, confidence from within is a bit of a landmine if you’re trying to navigate your confidence through the dis-trust and rejection that is easily catapulted to you from a man that you had hoped would not reject you. Honestly, I think your confidence is influenced by the people you know and your past experiences. Confidence and experience are positively correlated. The more experience you have, the more confident you become in your skills. It's like the more you do something, the better you feel about doing it. What happened in this particular rejection and is it indicative of all men? Probably not. And regardless of what happened I would suggest sitting down and taking inventory on what truly makes you confident deep down. Maybe its your intelligence? Maybe its your sense of humor? Regardless of what is it, focus in on that strength to take you through the disappointment. Always look from within....you will ultimately find the answers you need with a little self reflection. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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