NikoL Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 A few months ago I started dating this wonderful girl. She is kind, smart, beautiful, cares and communicates well. The latter of which was a clear missing piece in my previous relationship, especially towards the end (and ultimately what caused it). On paper, I guess you could say she has everything one could ask for in a partner. But in recent weeks doubts have started emerging within me and I find myself missing my ex deeply. She and I are quite different in some ways, but very similar in others. She is the one that has made me the happiest I have ever been but also the one that has hurt me the most. She is not a bad person at heart, I know this because of how she sees the world and what she taught me through her eyes. I learned patience and got a whole different vision from her. Literally everything became so much more colorful. I can't fully explain it, maybe it sounds silly. We were together for almost 3 years until she broke up because of personal issues. You can't force someone to be with you though, obviously, and I don't intend to pursue anything with her at this moment in time. I doubt she is ready and I probably wouldn’t be either. Last week we took a small trip to a place where I actually have visited with my ex girlfriend too (I studied nearby at the time). There is a spot where old men like to gather and next to it you'll often find lots and lots of birds waiting to be fed. When I was there with my ex, she fed them, and this time I saw there was a girl doing the same. I only saw this girl from a distance but it was like an instant flashback to that moment. I don't know why but I went home and cried after that, didn't tell anybody about it though. I don't know if it was a sign from the universe or whatever, not sure if I really believe in that sort of thing, but I'm realizing that I am still very much not over my ex and to be honest I'm not sure I want to be. I feel awful about this, as I am also realizing that I can't stay with my current girlfriend during these circumstances, it's not fair to anyone and least of all to her. I don't know how to handle it though. Advice is welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
WaywardSon Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 I’m responding even if I lack the professional approach some others here seem to have. It’s sad when things go unanswered here. You didn’t mention when you broke up with your ex but maybe it doesn’t matter either. I broke up with a girl in 2013, tried my luck with multiple fine women during the following years. Six years later I found someone with whom I didn’t have the feeling that I was comparing her to that ex, or if I did, she won! To me it didn’t feel like I could have acted much differently, it had something to do with the person, not just the wait. Had I met that exact girl in 2014, I believe things would have been different. I know what you’re describing, with some people you feel like life is celebration even if it isn’t. It’s not only the honeymoon phase either. But I doubt you can really cancel this experience, at least you should move on if it repeats. I’ve been in these positions a number of times, trying to avoid having to hurt a wonderful person, but usually the need to get out of the situation has been so powerful that you just get out, it happens naturally. I’m guessing you already had that discussion? And then try again with someone else at some point. But no doubt it will take same months regardless of the person if the break-up happened 2 weeks ago. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 Do you really think it's fair to your new GF that you are still hung up on the EX? You can't have the EX back nor was the girl feeding the birds a sign that you should try to reconnect. Rather, coupled with the other doubts it's an indication that you should let your present GF go because it's not the right relationship for you at this time. You are not in the proper head space to be a good partner to your present GF Link to post Share on other sites
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