downcydeguy Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 It seems as though we've all either cheated or been cheated on at some point in our relationships. My question is this: Did you ever tell your gf/bf about it? Did they ever tell you? What was the ultimate outcome? I recently found out that my ex actually had an affair about 6 months ago. I found this out after she dumped me a month ago. To answer my own question, NO, she didn't tell me...her friend did.
RecordProducer Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 Did you ever tell? Never! I only cheated when I didn't take the relationships seriously. Also these people have hurt me too much. I would NEVER cheat in my current relationship, no mater what, my conscience would eat me up forever. If he cheated on me, I would break up.
Pyro Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 It seems as though we've all either cheated or been cheated on at some point in our relationships. My question is this: Did you ever tell your gf/bf about it? Did they ever tell you? What was the ultimate outcome? I have never cheated, nor will I ever. I have been cheated on. I discovered it on my own, which made it 10 times worse. I trapped her in a corner and she had no choice but to admit to it. The outcome: a very happy bachelor I am.
lilmoma1973 Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 Never would i ever do or think about cheating!! Been done that way and it hurts to bad and i respect my spouse too much to do that to him no matter what happens between us !! I have too much of a concious and never could do it !!! Before i would do something like that with someone else i would have to be unattached!!!
RecordProducer Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 Okay, you saints, shut up! The question was: if you cheated, did you tell? If they cheated, did they tell you? "I would never cheat" is a completely different answer from what da guy asked!
Walk Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 I cheated on an ex, and didn't come clean til months later. I didn't want him to know, and I couldn't be honest with him for quite a while. I hated it, hated myself, hated what I did to him. It was the most horrendous experience of my life. I would never wish that on my worst enemy. I finally told him because he couldn't understand why I left him, and why I didn't want to try to fix the relationship. I couldn't forgive myself for cheating, and wanted him to hate me too. *messed up* Plus, he had an idea something happened, but he didn't know for sure. I could've lied and he wouldn't have ever known really. Just wondered. But I thought that'd be worse then just coming clean, apologizing, and expressing remorse and sorrow for how my actions affected him. So I told him the whole story from start to finish. By the way, it's the only time I fell so low in decades of life. (I'm only answering the question. But before you judge me as evil and whore, remember there's two sides to every story. And I always said never too, and meant it.)
Walk Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 I can understand why she wouldn't want to tell you, or have you find out. It's a stigma that people are branded with forever. It's the whole "once a cheater, always a cheater" idea. Each individual is unique, each situation is unique. Maybe instead of being angry that she didn't tell you, you should look into the reasons why she cheated. Were you emotionally unavailable to her? Did you stop trying to make her feel sexy and desired both physically and emotionally? I'm not saying you're to blame for her piss poor behavior. But sometimes we need to take a serious look at all the events surrounding it. Otherwise, you may be doomed to repeat your mistakes in the future, to end up with the same results as the past.
RecordProducer Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 But before you judge me as evil and whore... Whore???? Liv Ullmann says: "When you love, you won't cheat. When you don't love - there is no one to cheat on." I love this quotation. Sometimes I feel more sorry for the cheaters than the other party. The ones whom I cheated on did much worse things to me. I regret I came to the position to cheat instead of say "good-bye." Of course, in a regular and serious relationship, it's unfair to cheat before you end things.
Pyro Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 Okay, you saints, shut up! The question was: if you cheated, did you tell? If they cheated, did they tell you? "I would never cheat" is a completely different answer from what da guy asked! Hmmm...St. Riddler, kind of has a nice ring to it don't you think?
Ms_Sweetness Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 My BF of 3 yrs cheated on my while I was in college trying to better myself. He didn't tell me, instead his PREGNANT "mistress" called me and told me everything. I stayed with him for a little while (very stupid, I know) and eventually cheated on him as well, and no it didn't feel good, I just felt low so I finally ended it because I would have continued to cheat everytime I felt that he was doing something wrong.
J dub Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 Ugh, all this cheat & infidelity talk is draining me...in fact I am dying for one of those candy bars in Ms_sweetness' avatar. Mmm...chocolate... As for the original question, I think its near impossiible not to come clean when cheating and if you dont, the person will find out somehow anyway. So just say no!!
FataMorgana Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 It seems as though we've all either cheated or been cheated on at some point in our relationships. My question is this: Did you ever tell your gf/bf about it? Did they ever tell you? What was the ultimate outcome? done all of the above a few times over. Yes I did cheat, sometimes I told straight out, sometimes I didn't tell exactly waht I was doing, but said enough not to leave any doubt what I was doing. I spent a couple of years in my life going out with 2 guys at the same time in a serious relationships, they both knew about each other ... and both still wanted to marry me! Yes I have also being cheated on a few times over as well, yes as above, most times they did tell me as I am not a jelous person .... so it was like ...yes, thanks, did you have a good time? great, let just get on with life now...where were we going today?.. and didn't give it a second thought as I knew they were living their life with me and juts having a fling/sx with the other person. I ended up dumping them all after a while (talking 3-5 years here of living/working together, so pretty close as I realised maybe I wasn't really in love with them. Still really good mates with most of them, all marries with kids now. I did it because I knew the pople I did it to were OK with it, (we discussed this beforehand) and they knew I was OK with it. With my last partner I know he's not OK with it, so rules changed. I think about it a lot harder and if I did it I'd be prepared for him to dump me as I know he's not OK with it. feel like I'm the exception here.....sorry.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 I told. I was in a relationship with a guy in college for some years and I fell out of love with him (thought looking back I realize that my motivations for being in the relationship were borne from not wanting to be alone and settling rather than choosing someone specifically to be with). We dragged on for some years and I cheated. Lots. We broke up eventually and he kept trying to get me back and in the heat of an argument I told him that if he most certainly did not want me back because he had no real idea who I really was and that he needed to find a much better woman for himself. He said that I was the best woman for him and he kept pushing and so I told him about them ALL. He was shocked, but that shock allowed him to move on and let go of the false hopes and wishful thinking he had in terms of us getting back together.
lindya Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 It seems as though we've all either cheated or been cheated on at some point in our relationships. My question is this: Did you ever tell your gf/bf about it? Did they ever tell you? What was the ultimate outcome? I've never cheated. I've been cheated on a couple of times that I'm aware of - the first time was years ago, and I found out via a friend. The other time was my ex. He told me, we had a big talk and during the course of that we identified certain differences in our values and expectations of a relationship that showed we just weren't compatible.
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