Walk Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 I'm sure this has been discussed a million times, by a million different people, but I've lost every friend I've ever had. And I'm not sure why. I know I'm not terribly open with people, but I hate talking about my problems because they seem pretty stupid. And I don't want to come off conceited, or have people think I'm just weird for feeling the way I do about something. And the people I've met in the last year, seemed to only be around when they really wanted something, but if I wanted to talk they were busy. The only friends I did have were colleagues at work. A boss, and the girl who worked in the department next door. Since I quit my job, I've heard from both of them about twice, and it's been 6 months. Both times, I contacted them first. I've tried meeting people at college, but I'm over 30 and everyone's either 18 or 50. It's a community college too, so it would seem like there'd be more people my age, but I can't find them. If I do see someone, I stop and talk, but after the normal pleasantries, it's a little to forward for me to suddenly be like "hey, will you hang out with me??? Please???" I've got a guy friend, but I don't want to be close friends with him because I'm dating someone and I think that's disrespectful. My only other friend I've known since middle school. She was fun when we partied all the time, but she views life pretty different from me. And besides, last time we hung out, she decided she hated my bf, and even though I told her we never needed to go out with him along, she still has avoided hanging out with me for a couple months now. All my hobbies are either singular, or are weird. I belong to a writers group where everyones in their 60's. And I go to a yoga class, where every is 50-70yrs old. So, I'm beginning to believe that either I'm too much of a freak to have any friends, or I'm somehow sabotaging all my friendships at the beginning, or I'm a terrible person and people recognize this. *sigh* Guess I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself. Could've really used a friend today.
SmoochieFace Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 So, I'm beginning to believe that either I'm too much of a freak to have any friends, or I'm somehow sabotaging all my friendships at the beginning, or I'm a terrible person and people recognize this. I believe the same about myself... although it's been that way for so many years that I have been quite used to it. Like being set in my ways.
Author Walk Posted November 16, 2005 Author Posted November 16, 2005 I believe the same about myself... although it's been that way for so many years that I have been quite used to it. Like being set in my ways. Me too, as far as being many years. Except it's starting to scare me a bit, because I'm a hermit. Hermits don't make friends, and I feel like I need to break out of this downward spiral. Some one once asked me why I want friends, as though if you're happy being alone, then why would you need friends? I didn't have a good answer for that. Why would you need friends? I feel you do, just don't know why.
Author Walk Posted November 16, 2005 Author Posted November 16, 2005 SmoochieFace I'm so used to you making smart ass comments, I was a little hesitant to read your reply.
SmoochieFace Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 Me too, as far as being many years. Except it's starting to scare me a bit, because I'm a hermit. Hermits don't make friends, and I feel like I need to break out of this downward spiral. Some one once asked me why I want friends, as though if you're happy being alone, then why would you need friends? I didn't have a good answer for that. Why would you need friends? I feel you do, just don't know why. I wouldn't say that I am a hermit as I do like to get out whenever I can but I always go out alone as... well, there isn't anyone to go out with! The thing is that I enjoy it and being alone doesn't bother me. The only *friend* that I have is my GF and, by default, she is my best friend. I share things with her that I do not share with anyone else. Makes sense, huh? BTW, my relationship is an LDR - an important fact. I don't feel as if I *need* friends but there are times when it would be cool to have a few - my challenge is knowing HOW to get them... being that it has been so long since I've had any.
SmoochieFace Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 SmoochieFace I'm so used to you making smart ass comments, I was a little hesitant to read your reply. Nah, I wouldn't have cut you down. You didn't cut me down here, right? I can be a smartass - or worse - if someone is that way with me. Tit for tat as they say. If you're (not YOU personally - *you* meaning *anyone*) are cool with me I'll be cool with you and things will run smoooooothly. OTOH, mess with me (not in a joking way but in a malicious way) and you're toast. Yeah, a bit harsh but I find it a necessity to have self-respect and stand up for myself.
Author Walk Posted November 16, 2005 Author Posted November 16, 2005 When you go out, do you mean like go to the bar at night by yourself? I go "out" but mostly consists of the local coffee shop and surf the net. How do you find people that aren't selfish, greedy, and manipulative? haha.
SmoochieFace Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 When you go out, do you mean like go to the bar at night by yourself? I go "out" but mostly consists of the local coffee shop and surf the net. How do you find people that aren't selfish, greedy, and manipulative? haha. No, I don't go to bars. Not my *thang*. I go to record shops, record cons, bookshops, etc. As far as finding people who aren't selfish, greedy, and manipulative... well, that is something I am curious about myself. It seems to be quite a challenge... at least where I live where people judge you based on your job, contents of your bank account, and your set of wheels. Yeah, I live among a shallow bunch!
Outcast Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 It can be extremely difficult to find others who share your values and interests if you are not immersed in all the trappings of popular culture. The best way to do so IMHO is to seek out clubs, organizations, associations whose values are in line with your own. You will still find a lot of people you don't click with, but the chances of finding some you will are greater if you start out in the right sort of group.
SmoochieFace Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 It can be extremely difficult to find others who share your values and interests if you are not immersed in all the trappings of popular culture. This DEFINITELY applies to me. I believe this is my biggest stumbling block in the *finding friends* issue - not being able to relate to most people because of my nonparticipation in many aspects of the current popular culture.
a4a Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 When you go out, do you mean like go to the bar at night by yourself? I go "out" but mostly consists of the local coffee shop and surf the net. How do you find people that aren't selfish, greedy, and manipulative? haha. Walk pick out a cause that means something to you and volunteer.....even once a week. You will be in the midst of people that are there without motivations other than to volunteer. Of course you need to pick a cause that is close to your heart and regardless if you make new friends or not still provide great volunteer service. http://www.volunteermatch.org or .com is one place to start. a4a
Author Walk Posted November 16, 2005 Author Posted November 16, 2005 at least where I live where people judge you based on your job, contents of your bank account, and your set of wheels. Yeah, I live among a shallow bunch! Ha. You talking about Michigan? 'Cause that's all we got here. (seems like) Last two people I tried to befriend, all was great as long as I was willing to meet them on their terms and discuss what they wanted to discuss. I'm really laid back, so I don't care much. But I feel like it's me giving to the "friendship" and I don't even get asked how my day was, except as a side note. Like when I say, "hey, I've gotta get going now." That's when they say, "oh, how's your life going?" Irritating.
SmoochieFace Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 Ha. You talking about Michigan? 'Cause that's all we got here. (seems like) Last two people I tried to befriend, all was great as long as I was willing to meet them on their terms and discuss what they wanted to discuss. I'm really laid back, so I don't care much. But I feel like it's me giving to the "friendship" and I don't even get asked how my day was, except as a side note. Like when I say, "hey, I've gotta get going now." That's when they say, "oh, how's your life going?" Irritating. Actually, I'm talking about Northern Virginia. This place is absolutely the pits when it comes to finding people for friendship. By far, the most shallow, uptight, and rudest place I've ever had the misfortune of being in. I like Michigan. My GF lives there (in a rural part of the state) and I find it to be a refreshing change of pace. People there are much more laidback and considerate. I wish I could move up there but circumstances are preventing that for now.
Author Walk Posted November 16, 2005 Author Posted November 16, 2005 because of my nonparticipation in many aspects of the current popular culture. I think you just smacked the nail on the head with my problem. What do you people talk about? Tv shows. All day, that's all I hear.. "and last night on..." I haven't watched a real tv show in... 5 years, I think. Don't watch movies much either. Tv is such a major part of our culture and lives, that people like me become socially unacceptable for not watching. a4a: I'm gonna check that out right now. See if there's anything near or around where I live.
SmoochieFace Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 I think you just smacked the nail on the head with my problem. What do you people talk about? Tv shows. All day, that's all I hear.. "and last night on..." I haven't watched a real tv show in... 5 years, I think. Don't watch movies much either. Tv is such a major part of our culture and lives, that people like me become socially unacceptable for not watching. a4a: I'm gonna check that out right now. See if there's anything near or around where I live. It seems that TV is what most people are talking about these days. Reality shows are quite popular, it seems. I couldn't get into those. I'd rather read or watch a cool movie. Speaking of movies... I love them (especially older ones from the 70s and 80s) so I could go on and on about those. Movies made these days just don't *do it* for me. About feeling *socially unacceptable* for not being kept up to date with the current TV stuff... yeah, I can relate to that.
Author Walk Posted November 16, 2005 Author Posted November 16, 2005 I just checked out that site. uhm... uh... wow. Hmm.. the only volunteer work with animals involves keeping them at your house, and I can't. I can collect bottles for the homeless, but frankly I'm about fed up with the homeless around my town. I've been up close and personal with most of them, and a majority (not all) are worthless, lazy, don't wanna work, want a free hand out, and have the worst attitudes. I have no desire to help them out. I'll help wipe them off the face of the earth. But my days of attempting to help them find employement, drive them to appointments, buy them food, and cigarettes, and pay for things, so they can collect free money from the governement, eat better then me, sleeping in air conditioning/heated dorm rooms with free laundry. While I bust my butt to eat ramon, not know how to get money for the textbook I need for class, etc.... I'm over that. (not all....just most) (sorry, personal pet peeve.) Or I have to be a civil engineer. Or I can host internation students in my home. (ha ha. right. "here's your ramon.") I may not be in a very good position to help support others at this point, beyond listening.
Outcast Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 Well, there's your answer. I'm sure you'll find lots of friends should you join your local Republican association.
Author Walk Posted November 16, 2005 Author Posted November 16, 2005 Well, there's your answer. I'm sure you'll find lots of friends should you join your local Republican association. Ha. Ha. I'm not republican, but I do believe that if I can go work with a broken back and hold a job, then some of these people could probably over come a little ache and pain once in a while. If they have a real disorder, I'm more then happy to help out.
a4a Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 I just checked out that site. uhm... uh... wow. Hmm.. the only volunteer work with animals involves keeping them at your house, and I can't. Walk that is not true at all! Computer, fundrasiers, ect...... lots more than just keeping animals in your home..... some just need a ride to meet with another volunteer to get them to their new home.....transporters. Try http://www.petfinder.org They have a huge volunteer listing....... you can sign up as position wanted! You do not have to do physical things to help..... most of them meet monthly and do spend time with other volunteers..... you can do a shelter rescue search as well by zip code... just email them.... they all need volunteers! a4a
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