dude2287 Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 Alright here is my sitch. I met this girl five years ago through at a conference for a leadership organization when I was in ninth grade. Instantly felt something special. We became best friends (though we lived 2 hrs apart) and it was just amazing. Then the midway thru senior yr of HS we started liking year other. Unofficially dated til summer then it went live over summer. We are both going to the same college and i am loving it, we live in the same dorm hall (3 doors down). Everything was great until mid way through september. Things started geting ackward. Two problems really. See we both had been very active in HS. 3 Sport athletes, academics, regional officers for the leadership org, everything - it was crazy how involved we both were. That carried over to college. Things were great in the beginning of the year. Then we both started pledging to a Frat and Sorority. Both taking 18 credits (the u's average is 13) and ambassadors for the college we are in. Not to mention I am currently a state officer for my leadership org and we both have jobs. Ours days go from 7-9 at least and weekends are usually busy. The only time we see each other is late at nite. Then problem two. She had had surgery on her back and because of it I was nervous about touching her. I never wanted to hurt her. That made things ackward at first. Then this guy from a neighboring Frat started hanging out with her alot. At first I didnt mind but then he told her he liked her. I wasnt gonna be a controling BF so I tried to brush it off. Yet when ever he was in the room things were weird. So for example one time i walked into her room and they were watching a movie (she was in a chair, he was on the floor). I pretended i needed something from her Roommate (another friend of mine) and left. Came back and then they were sitting on the bed (oposite ends but still). I sat there for a while but it was a heated conversation so i left. Turns out he was saying how he likes her a lot and she was pretty much blowing him off. Things kinda sayed in that mind set. I started testing her. For example she came to my frat for a social event. I was busy but sort of ignoring her on purpose. I wanted her to come to me. Turns out she was doing the same. We didnt talk all night and we hung out with other ppl. Totally pissed me off. We then worked things out. Lots of little random things here and there and talked where we made each other feel bad becuase we arent devoting time. Then I was gone for aweekend leadership conference and she was talking with her little bro about his relationship. She was explaining how you can love a person and not be happy with your relationship. That got her thinking about us and when i got back she purposed a break. i didnt know how to react so i went along with it. I then hit the whole "what am i really doing and where am i going in life" phase and crashed about everything. I questioned everything i was doing and got really confused. Everything about her was incredable not one thing i didnt like. I know she is the one, I could honestly see marring her, and i love her more than anything - yet we were on a break?! I then realized that i must have been hurting her. I told her that I wanted the break to be permant. Me thinking that way at least she would be happy. I though about it a lot that night and we talked the next day. I told her thats not what I want but i dont want a bad relationship either. So our break is a real break. A relationship with out obligations. Cannot see other people but not thinking about each other until we figure it out. We dont know when it will end, once we feel confortable is what she said. Its mutual becuase i dont wanna hurt her and she feels the same about me. THe break isnt really to evaluate our relationship but to evaluate our time schedule. Figure out whats important. I guess I have figured out a lot of my priorities. I am not going to run for State President - its not important like it used to be. I dont need to be hardcore gunhoe in my frat house and i can get by with average credits. Yet the break is bothering me. I dont want lose her. Initiation starts tonight so i wont see her for a week. We have plans to hang out after that but we dont know as bf/gf or as friends. To complicate it we had plans for thanksgiving. I dont know how those will look now. She still says she needs time to prioritze her life. She has already said that our relationship will not end and that I am important. Its just figuring out everything else and waiting until we are both less busy (pledging is over soon for both of us and the semester is wraping up). I just dont want to lost her. How do I patch the break. What things have I been doing wrong? And then how should i treat the break up? Do I be romatic, give her time / seperate myself, act strickly friends and nothings bf wise. I am confused. I know where I want to be, how do I get there?
itwontdawnsooner Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 purposely ignoring each other or playing games in general (beyond playful ones with courtship) usually screw things up more than they need to be. if you're confused about things, theres no sure way to figure it out... trying very hard to figure out what you want can make it worse, its a catch 22. bottom line: worrying about how to act during a break you think you may need isn't going to help. you need to give yourself time to know what you want - she'll only wait for so long and you shouldn't wait forever. take a breath, figure it out, write it down if you have to - explain it, best you can, to her. when you can. but don't rush an explaination and don't do things you're not sure of, she'll pick it up anyway if you're half-heartedly doing things.
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