In Sync Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 From my experience, I think is boils down to proving to oneself that the (cheater) can still attract someone. Even if the cheater has the most beautiful sexy gf/ bf in the world..the cheater needs to prove to themselves that they have what it takes to attract another person. That they are still sexy or still got it going on and the person who they cheat with provides that thrill, that affirmation. Sure they claim they connected with someone else who understands them, blah blah but think..did they chose to end the first relationship before pursuing a new one..NO. It's also an insurance policy, they will have someone else waiting. They have a chance to start new and appear new in someone else's eyes. My ex, had cheated, but he also (when we were together) had a habit, that was abusive and extremely hurtful of checking out females while with me. To prove to me "oh look I can get someone else, you are replacable"...he was in effect cheating because he needed to confirm this aspect..I was replaceable. He was saying 'I don't value who I am with now'. If any guy/gal is with someone who does this and they claim it's harmless...don't buy it...it's a vile act of not honouring the person you are. THEY ARE DEVALUE-ING YOU in your presence. By devalue- ing you they are indeed revealing their own low self esteem. hmmm, I'm not sure if I misspelled devaluing:bunny:
Scott S Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 From my experience, I think is boils down to proving to oneself that the (cheater) can still attract someone. In my experience, it was because she perceived that her needs were not being met in the marriage. A combination of immaturity, unreasonable expectations, & deficient communications skills (on the part of both of us, BTW) apparently precluded dialogue about it, so she sought solace elsewhere.
Tiny Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 In my experience, it was because she perceived that her needs were not being met in the marriage. A combination of immaturity, unreasonable expectations, & deficient communications skills (on the part of both of us, BTW) apparently precluded dialogue about it, so she sought solace elsewhere. I agree 100%, it's just such a terrible way, to find this out If only we could all "see" these things, before retrospection. life would be so much happier.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 Some people cheat because they are internally and compulsively driven to do so. Others do it because of external factors, that if different - wouldn't lead them to want to cheat. They can't all be lumped into one category. Sometimes people fail relationships. Sometimes relationship fail people.
cynicalnlove Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 people cheat because they are stupid. Cheaters, is one of the worse traits to humanity. Why? because the betrayal hurts your loved ones immensly. At that moment, cheater's don't think of anyone but themselves. Would you really want to end up with someone who is completely and utterly selfish?
Mz. Pixie Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 Let me guess Cynical- you've been cheated on?? Cheating is far more complex than just selfishness most of the time........
cynicalnlove Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 sorry to sound bitter guys. and yes, I have been cheated on. Cheating is unacceptable to me. Once they do it, most likely they are going to do it again. Perhaps its just more than selfishness and maybe its lust. But then, why keep the relationship you have with your current if you have a sudden urge for someone else. shouldn't you break it off with your gf or bf before you even do that? Its unfair and unjustice how anyone could try to do that. thats just the bottom line, no ifs ands or buts. Once done, it could never be undone, you just move on and find someone else who truly deserves you.
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