fall in love with some1 never met

November 16, 2005

hi...

idk wat to do anymore....the story is in sept this guy online responded to my ad and i called him and we talked for 3 hours. 2 weeks later he im'd me and said he is in iraq...for a month we imd one another all the time...and i threw so many defenses at the poor kid but he still came back stronger and i felt more for him...like for example i said u can do whatever u want to me...and he is like a PB jelly sandwhich with no crust...he told me he loved me. i am in love with him and it's driving me crazy....i don't know if i should just listen to my heart and go with it.....it is just i have been hurt and used so many times i just don't know if i should trust me....is it possible for 2 ppl who have never met to fall in love...he is coming bac in 3 months

November 16, 2005

Whoa, slow down a minute here.

While you may feel something like love for this fellow, it's most likely that your feelings are lying to you. And I'll tell you why;

You don't really know him, you only know the online persona that he cares to share with you. Now, that may or may not be what he is actually like, but you can't know that until you've met him and gotten to know him personally;
Feelings lie all the time. They change with the weather (literally), what else is going on in your life, you blood sugar and all sorts of factors that have little to do with your true intent. Taking a course of action based on feelings alone is a recipe for disaster because baseless feelings are without foundation;
If he is in Iraq like he says, his messages to you come from a place, both geographically and emotionally, that are far far removed from normal experience. Those that have ever been in a war zone will understand what I mean. Those who have not have no way of understanding, unfortunately. Extreme stresses put on the mind and body by this sort of situation, a long way from home and knowing that your soul could be ripped from your body at almost any minute, does peculiar things to one's perception. He may actually have feelings of love for you, but they are based on his current reality, which is unlike anything that you - or most other people - have experienced. Frankly, it's not likely that those feelings of his will remain the same after he returns home (and I hope that he does, in one piece);
Lastly, your own history is giving you warnings. "I have been hurt and used so many times," is a huge red flag. Is it possible that your subconscious is trying to tell you something?

By all means, keep in contact with the fellow. Undoubtedly both he and you can use the diversion. But don't mistake it for love, at least not until you have met face-to-face.

Good luck.

November 16, 2005

Well...slubberdegullion is kindof right here... I got to know a guy 6 months ago that is in the Navy. Now he is stationed about over 2,000 miles away from me. This situation is alot like mine... but he isn't in Iraq.

The only thing I can say is go in this with caution!!! With this guy being in Iraq that is scary and he might say "I love You" because he is scared. I know exactly how you are feeling... but remember you still have to met this guy. That is why I never talk about being girlfriend/boyfriend with my guy because we never met and that would be wierd.

Keep talking to him... See where this goes... Don;t say "I love you" if you don't mean it... and if you have been hurt in the past then be very cautious with this...

Good Luck...

**You asked me for a Military website?? I'm not sure what you are looking for... Here is a website that will give you the kind of encouragement that you are looking for...

http://members.lovingyou.com/forumdisplay.php?forumid=20

November 23, 2005

Hi ariana93,

You should be very careful with this relationship not just b/c you met online and really only know the side of each other that you care to show but b/c he is in a very different place emotionally. My BF is in the military and when he is away from home his personality changes drastically. Not that it is bad you just have to accept that reality. If you want some more info or want to talk to other women who understand check out http://www.cinchouse.com they have a forum and chat where you can ask questions and everyone there knows what it is like to love someone in the military.

best of luck!

November 23, 2005

I think that life is short... take a risk, follow your heart. That may not be the best advice but if it feels good, do it !

November 25, 2005

alright. i tried to join as a member but the system was down or something. =/

I think i might be able to shine some light on the situation. The reply by 'slubberdegullion' is probably the most logical advice you got so far and is the one you should focus on.

A little about myself... I am 23 yrs old. i was a pretty frequent user of online chatting. I am in the navy. My fiance lives in new zealand and is 37 years old (emotionally unstable at the time and close to a divorce with her husband[not enough room for details], but all around an amazing and normal person). I met her on a gaming website in Jan 2001 and we talked A LOT for about 4 years, heavily online but probably about 10 times in those 4 yrs on the phone, 100% just as friends. Around the 3 1/2 year point we realized that we indirectly grew closer and closer to eachother. We talked about everything and knew practically everything about eachother. Now, practically everything you can know about someone strictly through online that is. This is comprised of a mix of how much each of you actually admit to eachother, how wrong or right you interpret what the other person says, and how emotional (ie. clingy or cold) you are.

at that 3 1/2 yr point we started to discuss how much we felt for eachother and the term 'love' came into question but we were both smart enough to realize that we only knew half of what there was to know. You have to rationally think through things. I know the excitement and joy you feel when you realize (whether through reality or imagination) that you've found someone on the planet that u feel connected with and you get that little tingle that tells you you're not really alone.

A lot of people associate loneliness and want with love. If a woman is mistreated by 10 guys and then their 11th guy is nice to them and seems leagues better then the rest, that person is going to feel inclined to admit they 'love' him, but then again, that person probably has a horrible definition of what love really is. The bad attributes of that ONLY nice guy can be easily justified b/c that woman may feel that she must keep the 1 guy she has found, when really she may owe herself even more then him.

Actually most people have a horrible standard of what love is. That is my opinion, and it is arrogant, but i am holding my ground. I have a huge philosophy on this and i would love to exchange ideas with you and maybe help you out and at the same time i could definitely learn from you as well. I am not saying this guy is not the guy for you, but for everything to fall into place, your mind must be clear. Figuring out how YOU respond to things and why you make the decisions you do is the most important thing you can do right now. Not worry about him, perhaps for his safety, but not about 20 years down the line with him.

I realize I am young. I really can't magically wave a wand and make myself 50 years old and say i've lived a huge life and make it more appealing to listen to what i have to say. I wish i could post a simple 1 paragraph answer but problems such as yours are first cured from the inside and that takes time, patience, and someone to help you see things in a different light. If peoples problems and flaws were easy to see and cure, no1 would have dilemmas.

A year ago i visited New Zealand to visit my fiance (at the time just as friends). Most of our expectations of how we would be and act in person were close, not exactly dead on, but close. Some suprises were there, but that was just due to each of us having our own dreamy expectation. All in all it was good and we ended up getting along in person just as well as online, if not better. But then again, as i said, we talked HEAVILY online for close to 4 yrs about everything and anything. Some of those discussions were pretty heated and sometimes we saw eye to eye and sometimes we were on either side of the spectrum (no place more then religion).

It is now almost 5 years that we have known eachother (one year since my first visit) and since the first visit i have been there 3 times, met her 2 young girls and her parents, she has been here in america to visit me once, and in 5 months she is officially moving here for good with her girls. However mutual caution is implimented every step of the way for safety purposes. Always evaluating if we missed something, or if it is right or wrong to be doing what we are doing.

That seems pretty drastic and i could fully understand the rolling of eyes. take into account that we know eachother extremely well and truelly trust eachother with eachothers lives. I demonstrate the qualities she would look for in a spouse and father for her kids, and she demonstrates what i want in a woman. And we have both proven our devotion to eachother (and to ourselves) both in a friendship and relationship environment.

Point is 5 yrs ago when i first saw her pic online and talked to her for a few months, we had the most fantastic time in the world and we were in bliss. But things are 100 times different now and we have definitely had our tough times and negativity on both sides. however, we worked through them b/c of how close we had grown over the years. Realistically, talking about love when you barely know someone is childish and emotionally dangerous. i won't start a rant on that although i am tempted.

sorry if I jumped around a lot, a million thoughts are going through my head on the matter. If you want to talk the best place to reach me is on aim or msn... aim: nyc ravin r00kie msn: [email protected] if you want to have a real discussion.

all i offer is that i am very good at showing people things in a light that most appeals to them so that they can see and understand what is there. It might take time and 100 examples, but i promise we'll make progress.

good luck with your situation anyhow,

-Sal

November 25, 2005