strongwillpwr Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 At the end, my gf couldn't figure out why she did it...and I'll probably never find out...we used to be in love, perhaps not anymore. I've read women cheat when their emotional needs aren't being met... I'm just curious about others out there...why did *you* cheat?
J dub Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 Generally speaking, cheaters are selfish and have very low self esteem (therefore seek attention elsewhere in addition to what they already receive in their relationship). Some like the idea of doing something they shouldnt, some are too lazy/heartless to just leave a relationship when theyre not happy, and some (most) do it because the one they are with is not meeting their emotional needs and whether they realize it or not they find it somwhere else. Cheaters are dogs, and there's never a legitmate excuse for it.
Author strongwillpwr Posted November 16, 2005 Author Posted November 16, 2005 J Dub: Have you ever cheated?
J dub Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 Yes I am ashamed to say I did a long time ago and I will never do it EVER again because the guilt has eaten me alive ever since. I did a lot of follow-up studying to figure out what my problem was and why people do such things. My mom cheated on my dad when I was little and - at the time - I knew what was happening but I couldnt tell my dad. I felt like I was deceiving my dad but if I told on my mom, I was going to be the reason for their divorce (although it was inevtible anyhow). Youd think I would klnow better but apparently not. Cheating is just an awful, selfish, manipulative and devious thing to do. please for my sake if you ever consider it, leave your SO first.
Author strongwillpwr Posted November 16, 2005 Author Posted November 16, 2005 j dub: thanks for your posts. I too was in a situation where my parents cheated (and eventually divorced) when I was young, and I swore to never to do it after that experience... now, after having felt the heartache of being cheated on (multiple times this summer...by a gf of 6 yrs...who i respected and loved and cared for deeply...), my commitment to never cheat has been reaffirmed...
Pyro Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 Cheating is just an awful, selfish, manipulative and devious thing to do. please for my sake if you ever consider it, leave your SO first. I agree. The funny thing is when you catch the person cheating, they get mad at you. Just because the fact that they get caught red-handed. Instead of being up front about things, they have to do the cowardly thing. Its pretty sad.
J dub Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 I agree. The funny thing is when you catch the person cheating, they get mad at you. Just because the fact that they get caught red-handed. Instead of being up front about things, they have to do the cowardly thing. Its pretty sad. Yeah or, if you havent caught them yet but you get that nagging feeling inside that something isnt quite right and you approach them to inquire on whether they are being faithful, they get PISSED because you dont trust them. Understandable in one aspect, until they get caught...and then they get pissed because it all just blew up in their face. I have been cheated ON as well, after I did it to my highschool sweetheart. There is never ever a valid reason to cheat and I DO believe people can change if theyve been unfaithful (I have) but its mandatory that they seek out the help on their own for their own enrichment and understanding and not because someone else (their SO) made them. And it takes TIME to fully understand why they did it, so dont believe that someone can suddenly do a 180 in a month.
Pyro Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 I have been cheated ON as well, after I did it to my highschool sweetheart. There is never ever a valid reason to cheat and I DO believe people can change if theyve been unfaithful (I have) but its mandatory that they seek out the help on their own for their own enrichment and understanding and not because someone else (their SO) made them. And it takes TIME to fully understand why they did it, so dont believe that someone can suddenly do a 180 in a month. I have been cheated on as well. Not a great feeling at all. I do agree that anyone has the potential to change for the better. That is unfair to judge someone based on what they have done in the past. As long as the person has learned from past mistakes is what counts. You are right, it just doesn't happen overnight.
J dub Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 learning from cheating and vowing to never do it again is somewhat like quitting smoking or dieting. You have to do it because YOU want to.
Author strongwillpwr Posted November 16, 2005 Author Posted November 16, 2005 my gf didn't just cheat....she had a friggen affair... I guess feelings b/w her and the other guy built up over the course of a few months...then in the spring, they went on dates....all while she was still with me...still just as intimate with me as she always was... i asked her how she could do this? her answer was that she was just able to push her feelings for me to the side while she was with that other guy. i still can't figure that one out...and have pretty much given up trying.
J dub Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 my gf didn't just cheat....she had a friggen affair... I guess feelings b/w her and the other guy built up over the course of a few months...then in the spring, they went on dates....all while she was still with me...still just as intimate with me as she always was... i asked her how she could do this? her answer was that she was just able to push her feelings for me to the side while she was with that other guy. i still can't figure that one out...and have pretty much given up trying. You didnt sense anything wrong? Nothing about her attitude towards you changed, like her physical attraction to you, emotional presence, timliness of plans, NOTHING? If not, THAT is one hell of a diabolical broad. It shows she felt no remorse for what she was doing because even her unconscious behavior was ok with her actions. Usually thats not the case, we know inside that its wrong and it shows in some form or another.
Pyro Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 my gf didn't just cheat....she had a friggen affair... I guess feelings b/w her and the other guy built up over the course of a few months...then in the spring, they went on dates....all while she was still with me...still just as intimate with me as she always was... i asked her how she could do this? her answer was that she was just able to push her feelings for me to the side while she was with that other guy. i still can't figure that one out...and have pretty much given up trying. If you are referring to giving up trying on her, then good, that is what you need to do. forgive me for saying this, but she sounds like a selfish byotch. All that she cared about was her feelings and not yours. I hope that you and her are through. You can find an awesome girl who will be true to you. There are plenty out there, you just need to be patient.
Author strongwillpwr Posted November 16, 2005 Author Posted November 16, 2005 it's been NC for over 2 months...didn't even call her on her bday last week. a small part of me is afraid that i'll cave if i ever run into her again, and entertain the possibility of reconciliation... a bigger part of me doesn't want to sacrifice my sense of self worth by taking back a cheater...i need to know that i can do better than someone that would cheat on me. i think that's a big reason why i keep posting the same story in this forum, about how she cheated...so that if the day came where i ever did entertain taking her back, i could come back to LS and read some of my posts (and the responses) and ask myself wtf I'm doing!
Mz. Pixie Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 Women cheat when their emotional needs are not being met, men usually cheat when their sexual needs are not being met. All wrong, but you really just can't go without food for long before you start scavenging to get some.
xxbaddgurl83xx Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 I am sad and ashamed to admit that I am a cheater. I am no longer with the only man that I ever loved because of my cheating ways. My reason for cheating wasn't because he wasn't fullfiling all of my emotional needs because he treated me great, my reason for cheating was because I have such love self esteem and confidence in my self. I was always very overweight and over the past 4 years I have lost over 40 pounds. Every time I would go out I would get hit on and sometimes it would lead to more than that. Not because I didn't love my boyfriend, but because I didn't feel good about myself. I am not use to getting hit on so when happened it made me feel good about myself. When my boyfriend found out about the cheating he tried to give me another chance but it just got too hard and we fought about it too often. Now that him and I are no longer together I have no desire to be with anyone else but him, and I haven't been with anyone else. Its a shame that when you are no longer with someone that is when you realize how much you love them and took them for granted. I wish I could go back and make it so this never happened.
lilmoma1973 Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 You want to know why women cheat this is why? Never have i cheated but found this is what i found in marriage builders!!! Hope this helps http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_leave.html
Natalie05 Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 I am a woman and I've never cheated on someone I've been involved with. I've been threated by my ex's that if I ever cheated they'd kick me out the door and then they were the ones who went and cheated on me. My dad cheated on my mom and I have to say it's made me not too trusting with men. And the fact I've worked for several married men who had affairs so I sometimes wonder if all men don't cheat. BUT on the other hand I have two older brothers who were married and faithful to their wives who they both caught cheating on them and divorced them and my ex (guy I just broke up with) divorced his former wife because he caught her cheating. Guess that's why he always thought I'd cheat on him. What a vicious cycle eh? I don't cheat - never have. I dated 3 guys at once but they all knew I was dating other people. I have no desire to cheat on any man I'm in a relationship with not now or in the future. I think people cheat for the "thrill" of it - it's a simple as that.
totallyconfused Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 It's funny this thread is up... I've been thinking about cheating. I've never cheated before in my past relationships, which have been 4 years and 2 years. Recently my new bf of 3 1/2 months tho... well I'm just not happy. We argue EVERY day, if not EVERY hour. We're in a LDR and when we're not seeing each other, we fight. Not only do we fight, but he puts me down, yells at me, and tries to push a strong commitment on me, even though he knows I've just gotten out of a fresh, 4 year relationship. So I keep asking myself, am I really even in love? Or is it lust? So back to the question, theres the cutest guy in my team project and we got along so great and he's sooo adorable. I feel guilty though b/c I have a bf and he would be OUTRAGED if he even knew I thought like this. I'm so tempted to just ask him out to hang out, but I knew I'd be opening up a can of worms. So back to the question, again, why do women cheat? Well even though I'm in a young relationship (going to be 4 months) I want to date! I'm tired of fighting and I'm tired of being disrespected. I'm just not happy in this relationship when its long distance. Maybe if it was short distance, we'd be able to resolve these conflicts sooner. During the fights is when I'm left wondering What Ifs... Granted, I know what it feels like to be cheated on, so I won't cheat. Plus Karma will kick my butt. But if I do decide to ask this guy out, I'm dumping the one I'm with ASAP. Is that socially and ethically correct?
Author strongwillpwr Posted November 17, 2005 Author Posted November 17, 2005 But if I do decide to ask this guy out, I'm dumping the one I'm with ASAP. Is that socially and ethically correct? I think you should make a decision regarding your current BF independent of the new guy. But I guess it's difficult to do that...Either way, if you're not happy in your current situation, you should get out of it.
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