Is she playing the NC game with me?

[mrB2006]

Hello,

 

This whole issue with my 'friend' is driving me nuts. As you may know from my previous posts, I spilled my guts out to her. It was a relief, but also may have caused me more problems. I know I am in the friendzone now.

 

My issue: After we worked some things out, I asked her two times whether I should even contact her anymore? I said that I wouldnt want to waste anymore of her time. She responded that she was wanted me to continue writing to her (I was a bit baffled by that). She said that she valued our friendship and that she didn't want to lose that. I have written her a couple of emails and sent a letter. I havent' heard anything back in almost three weeks. This is starting to tear me up inside again. Am I being unreasonable? All I want is a response. I know that my chances with her are close to nill. But I don't want to lose contact with her completely.

 

Am I being used to boost her ego?

Should I just cut my losses and move on without her?

 

Is she playing the NC game with out letting me know? If that is it, that sucks.

 

mrB2006

[LexiB]

Am I being used to boost her ego?

Should I just cut my losses and move on without her?

 

Is she playing the NC game with out letting me know? mrB2006

 

Maybe. Yes. and Maybe.

 

Don't know the details of your relationship with her but after "a couple of emails", a snail mail letter and and 3 weeks later still no response...

 

She either:

 

1. Thinks you're obsessed and is irritated/pissed/ or maybe even scared (like I said, I don't know your relationship, but it doesn't sound like the two of you knew each other very well before you "spilled your guts"...was this an online dating thing?). In this case she could be purposely keeping you in suspense as a punishment or even an ego boost as you say.

 

or

 

2. Thinks your persistance is sweet but wants time to think it all over. if this is the case, while incredibly selfish, there really isn't any malicious intent to hurt you.

 

But either way, the answer to your second question still stands: Move On. Come on, even if she's genuinely trying to sort her feelings out for you, how difficult is it to send an email saying "I need time to think" or something quick and simple along those lines? Answer: It's not.

 

You did all you could and now it's out of your hands and time for you to move forward.

 

...at the very least don't send her anything else (that really would be bordering obsession, my friend!)

[Pocky]

Sometimes the best thing to do is just walk away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

One-a-day Tan

[itwontdawnsooner]

if you two worked things out, it shouldn't have been quesitonable whether you should contact her or not. it should be clear to both of you.

 

regardless of details, really, if she's not contacting you - aside from the off chance of broken email/major event on her part, she's choosing not to contact you. as nice as you think it would be, you can't force her to and sometimes the more you push - you're just pushing her even further away.

 

if your last message wasn't frantic or pushy, if she wants to contact you she will but if she doesn't, as much as it hurts, she chose not to and youre only ever 50% of an equation when youre dealing with another person.

 

live and learn.

[mrB2006]

LexiB,

I have know her since high school. We are both in our mid twenties. So, this wasn't a internet thing. I agree it shouldn't be hard to just email me. I am an easy person to get along with. In her last email about two and half weeks ago she said that she was busy with school work (she's in grad school). She apologized for the delay and insisted that I continue to write to her.

If she feels smothered by me, then I would like her to tell me. That is why I asked if she wanted me to communicate with her. She should just let me know and I will stop.

 

As for sending anything else..my last letter was it, until she responds. The letter just contained career info that has changed with me. And I asked her how her classes were going. I guess you make time for what is important to you. And I obviously don't fit into her schedule.

 

itwontdawnsooner: The letter was not pushy. I had given up on anything other than being 'friends'. It's just that I feel that she has been such a positive influence on my life that I don't want to lose that relationship. People who know me say that I am a happy-go-lucky type. In my opinion, it would be shallow for me to say "It didn't work out. I didn't get what I want. Take a hike babe...".

 

Pocky: At this point, I should just walk away. But I am going to give it ONE more chance.

 

Thank you all for your advice.

it is much appreciated.

mrB2006

[Yamaha]

"It didn't work out. I didn't get what I want. Take a hike babe...".

 

This is really what you should be thinking and not trying to keep a friendship.

She probably thinks if she contacts you you will still want more and she is backing away. She will never tell you but figures you will get the message.

You may be able to keep and acquaintance down the road but you know that you will still feel more than friends for her and she is uncomfortable. Just chalk it up to experience and learn what not to do the next time. Never let a girl you like think you are just her friend.

[mrB2006]

I am such a dummy....

 

I got into the program that would take me overseas for two years. She had always encouraged me to do it. I emailed her that I got in. She asked for my phone number and said she would call me over the holiday....No call ever came, no email either. My god, I am pathetic, just waiting around for her....She knows that she has me wrapped around her fingers....I should have known better. She has been telling me that she has been busy with school work...NOBODY could have that much school work to where they don't return contact at all.....I am pretty much through with her....enough of this torture already....I hate to say it (because she was such an influence on my life), but she has made it known how she feels about me.....I am not even on her mind....and that sucks considering the time we spent together as "friends"

 

It's in her court now, I am through making an arse of myself....

 

mrB

[LN8840K]

Oh Don't I feel your pain.

 

pretty much the same situation, except I got the hey we can still talk on the phone and email each other.

 

Told her thats ok lets just not talk anymore ( who the hell needs some pity gesture they only do it for themselves ) anyway enough about that

 

go meet another chick, give her a chance ( it'll be hard but you have to )

and move on to better things

[LN8840K]

Another thing ...... can you check and see if she's still reading your emails or just deleting them ...if she reads them I think more chance its a game delete and you're done ......anyone agree ? ? ? ? .......... letters have been known to disappear and show up ages later ....