BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 hello after my latest relationship i would like to give up on relationships, i think if this didn't work nothing will, i loved this girl so much thing is i'm 31 , i have no real interest in doing things just for me, i don't know what else i could do with my life... i'm trying to start a business, the purpose of this isn't for me to buy say a Mercedes but to have a house and a family ? i'm lost! this is probably natural at my age
In Sync Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 I'm confused, did your relationship come to an end or have you just given each other space. And if it didn't end, can you love her unconditionally without wanting her to change. I mean the person you fell in love with was flawless, so can you just continue to love her and be with her if she doesn't conform to the way you want her to be?
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 16, 2005 Author Posted November 16, 2005 she ended it! it was at first lets have a week apart then she came back then she totally ended it... the total story is here... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t72679?goto=newpost i wanted someday us to change... e.g. in a few years when we want a child to stop partying so much, she agreed that we can't go on like this forever!
In Sync Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 Here's my thoughts...yes this girl may be the one you loved and had envisioned in a few years that you both would change in the event of starting a family...perhaps the road you are on is simply not one she is meant to take with you. I gather that within you, something is stirring, perhaps its awareness or spiritual awarnesss that is preparing you to start thinking ahead for the proper lifestyle you want before starting a family. The woman you desire now may not be the "one" the partner you need in starting to raise a family together. Wanting her to change her ways is always going to create an underlying conflict, because that sort of change has to come from within her for her own reasons. Build the life you want and trust that the Iinfinite Universe will provide the right woman for you that's will compliment you. I mean do you want the mother of your child really to be a binge drinker and partying...that behavior doesn't stop without self reflection and commitment to a greater cause your future child you want bring into the world.
Art_Critic Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 If you are going to start a business you better not go into it with the attitude you have right now.. Starting a business requires a certain selfishness.. It requires that you are doing it for yourself .. otherwise you will fail.. One of the common traits among entrepreneurs is that drive.. that self centeredness.. You need to not try and do things for this girl.. She is gone..
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 16, 2005 Author Posted November 16, 2005 Here's my thoughts...yes this girl may be the one you loved and had envisioned in a few years that you both would change in the event of starting a family...perhaps the road you are on is simply not one she is meant to take with you. I gather that within you, something is stirring, perhaps its awareness or spiritual awarnesss that is preparing you to start thinking ahead for the proper lifestyle you want before starting a family. yes i agree this is stirring in me but also my ex had the same kind of idea... she asked me about children really early on and i said i loved them and want children, she also seen how i was with her nieces and commented on how i would be a good father, i said there is nothing more i would want to be, we talked about how good looking our kids would be and how they would have the dark irish looks that we both have! etc. etc. she mentioned how her ex boyfriend of 9 years didn't want children and this bothered her, he had a previous child to his ex , he is far older than me ... infact about 8-9 years! The woman you desire now may not be the "one" the partner you need in starting to raise a family together. Wanting her to change her ways is always going to create an underlying conflict, because that sort of change has to come from within her for her own reasons. Build the life you want and trust that the Iinfinite Universe will provide the right woman for you that's will compliment you. I mean do you want the mother of your child really to be a binge drinker and partying...that behavior doesn't stop without self reflection and commitment to a greater cause your future child you want bring into the world. my ex said herself that she couldn't continue like she did,she said herself the music scene is a problem ( the drinking here in Ireland! ) and that she would eventually have to get away from it!, i wasn't wanting her to change now, i am a mad and i mean mad party animal myself so who could i tell to change! i asked her would she drink when she got pregnant and she says i'd maybe just have the odd glass of wine and certainly do no drugs i don't know maybe we got too serious too soon but it sure felt right to me... in reply to art_critic yes i appreciate your advice on business... i can't possibly think of starting this right now... i.e. a small building and joinery/carpentry firm... mainly its just me for now doing most stuff and i have a few people to part-time employ... i was doing this initially for me then for 'us' , she was my motivation or part of it which would allow her to quit her crap job and for us to build a house etc. etc. that was my drive! i'm hardly wanting to just do things for myself alone, the way i looked at myself was me and her as one... i remember calling her in work one day and saying "we are heading out tonight" and she said "who you and your friend" and i said "no... we means me and you baby!" and she was ecstatic! sorry just reminising to alleviate this pain!
Yamaha Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 The way you are talking has been conveyed by many a person after a bad break-up. Do you think your feelings are unique and your situation rare? These people have gone on to love another and have a happy life and I expect you will do the same.
scobro Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 You know what me too I am sick and tired of feeling like crap and thinking about what happened its so draining so I too am done with relationships they don't seem worth it if it ends badly and everything ends badly or it wouldn't end.The only problem is not having sex:eek: because I am not into the one night stand thing I am too much of a shmuck I guess. I need a relationship to have sex mean anything(I sound female:eek: ) but if I don't get into another one no sex ever again.OOOOOOOH NOOOOOOO what to do?
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 17, 2005 Author Posted November 17, 2005 One night stands are crap... i agree too with you scobro i would never want to go back to that, i was never that into it but it meant nothing and was never good... it has to be with the ones we love...
JS17 Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 You know what me too I am sick and tired of feeling like crap and thinking about what happened its so draining so I too am done with relationships they don't seem worth it if it ends badly and everything ends badly or it wouldn't end.The only problem is not having sex:eek: because I am not into the one night stand thing I am too much of a shmuck I guess. I need a relationship to have sex mean anything(I sound female:eek: ) but if I don't get into another one no sex ever again.OOOOOOOH NOOOOOOO what to do? Welcome to the fre@kin club!!! That's what FWBs are for. Although I'm being forced to date now:mad: If it makes you feel any better, 2 guys that I've been with have said that they couldn't do the casual sex thing....I actually believe one of them.
Art_Critic Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 Although I'm being forced to date now With that statement you need to change your avatar to that little Kitty being held up at Gun Point So who is forcing ya ?
Pyro Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 hello after my latest relationship i would like to give up on relationships, i think if this didn't work nothing will, i loved this girl so much thing is i'm 31 , i have no real interest in doing things just for me, i don't know what else i could do with my life... i'm trying to start a business, the purpose of this isn't for me to buy say a Mercedes but to have a house and a family ? i'm lost! this is probably natural at my age Don't give up hope. Everything happens for a reason. She just wasn't the one for you. The one for you is out there. You need to do what is right for you, you need to do things for you, while at the same time you keep your ears and eyes open for the right girl. I would hate to see you turn into one of these individuals that bash the entire female population just because you had a bad relationship or that it ended on a sad note.
JS17 Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 With that statement you need to change your avatar to that little Kitty being held up at Gun Point So who is forcing ya ? My sister, my girlfriends, and creepy LSers...everyone says it's time. I had 4 months on my own and it's enough.
Art_Critic Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 creepy LSers Do Ya feel the love ???? you will do fine.. Your sister and friends are right and so are the creepy LS'ers
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 17, 2005 Author Posted November 17, 2005 Don't give up hope. Everything happens for a reason. She just wasn't the one for you. thanks for advice but i really hate the 'everything happens for a reason' as well as 'she isn't the one for me' i simply don't understand it! did everyone that got killed in the tsumani happen for a reason? you know what i mean? sorry to get serious but i had to give an example... a lot of things that happen aren't for the better! i've never met a girl like her ever ! hence hard to ingest! if i bash the female population it is for my protection although i don't want to go there!
Pyro Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 i simply don't understand it! did everyone that got killed in the tsumani happen for a reason? you know what i mean? sorry to get serious but i had to give an example... a lot of things that happen aren't for the better! You got a point there. Who knows, maybe the people were suffering or were about to suffer through some agony and this was the only way for them to ease from the suffering. Either way, it was unfortunate. Maybe the same applies to you, maybe you were just being saved from a major downfall, but this is only my opinion. Maybe its just the timing for you two. You never know what the future holds for you two.
In Sync Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 I find myself having the same thought in regards to love. No, I can say it's absolute, but definitely right now I don't want to love again. Pain, loss and disillusionment has taken its toll on me. When you fall in love there's an innocence in it, and now it's impossible to think how can I be in that state with anyone again.. without being on guard. It's safer for me. I can't imagine how to begin to trust again, definitely not with my heart.
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 18, 2005 Author Posted November 18, 2005 I find myself having the same thought in regards to love. No, I can say it's absolute, but definitely right now I don't want to love again. Pain, loss and disillusionment has taken its toll on me. When you fall in love there's an innocence in it, and now it's impossible to think how can I be in that state with anyone again.. without being on guard. It's safer for me. I can't imagine how to begin to trust again, definitely not with my heart. i feel exactly the same way In Sync, i feel also that to purely love we can't have a guard up, we can't love and both have a wall of emotional protection at the same time, both cancel themselves out i feel although i don't know how my ex woman did it, she was mad about me, told me all the time she loved me then all of a sudden just seems to not care and completely move on... can women have both love and the wall? i don't know what the future holds for us? probably nothing and we won't even acknowledge one another again? i don't want this but in say 1 years time i may have to do this
scobro Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 OK CHANGED MY MIND MAYBE ONE...ONE NIGHT STAND OR TWO...HEHEHEHE:p
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 18, 2005 Author Posted November 18, 2005 nah sex is crap with one night stands! don't do it! i hope my ex doesn't do it!
In Sync Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 BrainRightHeartWrong Here's where you and I and so many of us have been lead astray. We believed their words. she was mad about me, told me all the time she loved me then all of a sudden just seems to not care and completely move on... can women have both We willingly fell for their words! Mine told me how much I meant to him, he would never hurt me, blah blah...I will always be your friends. You know what, we were conned. We accepted wholeheartedly and believed their words. Their actions proved otherwise. Forget their past action look at their present day action. I have wondered over and over how can someone you loved "all of a sudden just seems to not care and completely move on." For me that's what is so shocking in behavior. And you know what else I've concluded from that behavior...it's hostility towards us. Because in order to cut yourself off so easily after being loving and mad about you, there's anger underneathe the cutting shutting yourself off and moving on all of a sudden. Something motivates that kind of behavior because that's not coming out of loving behavior. So words are now meaningless. Someone telling you they love you, hey I'm sorry but I'm reading too many threads and posts where that's easily said and on a dime the person has moved on to someone else. In the future I'll do without the words and look for it in ones actions, all this love.
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