Ncoco4069 Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 I need major help with my relationship. It has me so confused and I feel so trapped. Here's the story: Over a year and a half ago I met my boyfriend. He became my best friend for about 5 months. When we decided to "date officially" - we "clicked". We fell into the role of boyfriend and girlfriend almost naturally and fell madly in love. We've been dating ever since. About 3 months ago we decided to get an apartment together. I should say this is his (and mine) first real relationship. Since we have moved in together he constantly picks fights. Some of the issues are beyond ridiculous. Everything from the apt not being clean to whether I can hold him or not when we sleep in our bed. He makes everything into a domination issue. For example, it's his dresser, I own nothing... ect. He rarely even tells me he loves me, nowadays, he says it when I say it though, so it shouldn't be an issue. I don't know what happened to the man I fell in love with, now I sleep next to a grouch. He can't go more then ten minutes without saying something hurtful to me. And I just take it because I love him so much. When I talk to him about this stuff he replies "I know I treat you like **** sometimes. It makes me feel like **** when I do it, but I can't help it. You know I love you more then anything, ect." Half the time I have my S/O who pays attention and seems to enjoy my company. The other half of the time I have to walk on eggshells. Has anybody been in the same situation? Better yet, has a guy been in the same situation and can tell me what is going on in his head? Because I can't tell anymore. I feel like I signed a one year lease to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me.
Crystal Ann Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 I sympathize... My boyfriend and myself have been dating almost 2 years and he always uses the "mine/my" language. Although we do not live together it makes me uncomfortable in his house & hurts my feelings. I would like to eventually live together but because of his posessive words and the fear that I would become his mother (ie. clean all the time, nag him into doing important tasks, etc.) I won't. I think what you need to do is make a list of your major issues about your living situation and how it is harming your relationship. I find if you follow a list it makes it easier to portray your feelings. Sit down with him and discuss openly how his actions and the way he speaks to you makes you feel. At the end of your discussion you have to find a resolution together to work on this. If that doesn't work you should move. Sometimes the realization of losing you can be a powerful tool.
Author Ncoco4069 Posted November 17, 2005 Author Posted November 17, 2005 Thanks for the idea. I'm going to do it but in all reality I don't think it will work. I feel like his mother, except he treats his mother with outmost respect... me, I'm s***. Until he decieds he loves me again. I don't know anymore. I'm getting a new job so I can save up money and move out. hopefully I'll be out of there by New Years. I know this sounds immature but maybe they, my boy and yours, need a wake up call. I'm thinking about just leaving at night and showing him how it feels to wake up alone. I feel taken for granted. New Years... that's my deadline. To save up some money and then see if I should stay or not. Onto you though, does he only act like that at his house? Maybe it's a territorial thing. Maybe just hang-out with him at your house for a week. Hopefully things will change. Good Luck With Your Relationship. N~
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