Need advice bad, in love with a man that is abusive

[lisa345]

I have been very depressed to the point I couldn't get out of bed, I have been called all kinds of bad names and I dont understand how I let this happen to me but My heart has been broken and im not sure what I need to do. I know that I don't trust anymore and I am very confused about him. Well let me tell you what happened then maybe you can tell me what you think I should do about him or if I should believe him ever. One day I was at his home, he had a 15 year old girl and her boyfriend working for him, she had a drug problem and I figure it might be good for her to work and be busy so I allowed it. well I let that day at 5 and went home, I get an email from her from his home at 2:00 in the morning saying she would never do anything to screw me over and don't tell chuck, well I didn't get the email until 7 in the morning and called him and said what was she doing in your home at 2 in the morning, he got quit, I told him she sent me an email, he said she came by to use the phone, she locked her keys in the house and needed to make a call. Then I questioned her she said she needed some money and came to ask him, then he tell me that he took her 2 streets over to pick up the drug "sex drugs ok" and then he said she went home. well the next day I was going through the computer and pulled up a pic of her nude that was saved on there, then I went off, I ask her she told me he took more than one, when I ask him about the pic he said she flashed her breast as so he took the pic and nothing else happened that he never touch that girl and she didn't touch him, then he went to crying and begging me to believe him, and I didn't believe him, he lied to me and I just don't know what to believe, but I feel in my heart that something happened and he's lying to me, its like he would tell the truth about one thing to cover up something that might have happened. Anyway the lady across the street said the she came to her to talk and said that she didn't sleep with him but there were pics and the he pulled his thing and tried to put it in her mouth, I ask him he said that she's a liar, and promised that he didn't do anything with her. So I need help I am going crazy trying to figure if he's lying, which I think in my heart something happened. and that sad thing is , is that I loved him. So please just be honest with me be up front with me on what you think, because I want this over so I can move on, and I am ready if you say anything negative, and if you think that's he lying, it will help me because im confused. He was so sweet to me when we first met and then its like he got control of my head and my heart and I was trapped in his abuse and his physical abuse and thought he might change. He said he would never cheat on me. so what do you guys think? I am trying very hard to break away, so I need your help. Also I ask him why would he do this to me, or treat me the way he does and he said to me that it is all my fault, that I should have been there with him and that I caused it all, and that if he would have been living with me it would have never happened, but me not being there caused all the problems and so I need to look my self in the mirror and see who the blame for it all.

Thanks

Lisa

[JadeStar]

I didn't even read all of your post, but enough to know that the girl is 15, which means she is UNDERAGE! I'm assuming you are talking about your b/f and this girl because I didn't see where or who you were referring too. Anyway how old are you and this other person? If your b/f or whoever is over age and he is messing with a 15 year old child, then I would bring it to the attention of the law. Wheather he has physically done anything or not, he is still taking nude pics of her, I would think that to be child pornography. You need to get out of the situation.

 

 

 

 

Jade

[lilmoma1973]

He is a freak and you need to get away from him .. he is into younger girls that is sick and you need to move on !! Run Run far away from this man!!!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Hello,

 

Your attraction to this kind of a man needs to be deeply researched.

 

Most women who had known the average upbringing would have long ago run from this man without ever looking back.

 

I suspect that every waking moment of his life finds him giving off reasonably clear signals as to his being a bad person. Your attraction to bad men is the most serious issue you have. And the best part is that you don't need anybody else to cooperate to begin seeing therapists to break you of that attraction.

 

It is a no-brainer that the male is sincerely flawed in any situation where a fifteen-year-old girl is coerced into baring her breasts while alone with an adult male. This should have been a signal to you to run from the guy as fast as you could get away.

 

Your liking for bad men is most probably the result of upbringing and the negative experiences along the way.

 

I say that you need to end the abuse cycle slowly but surely.

 

You're better than that.

 

(and the 15-year-old girl is innocent, merely for her being a minor)

[JayKay]

You need to get out of this as fast as you can.

 

You don't need any proof that he's lying -- his treatment of you tells the whole story.

 

There is no love in this relationship. He is just using and abusing you. Eventually, you will be all used up and won't have enough sense of self to go for a walk down the street without asking permission.

 

Call the nearest Women's Center (if you can't find one, call a local hospital and ask them to refer you) and get help. Get counseling, get support and GET OUT!

[Walk]

Lisa,

 

I think whether he had sex with the child is semantics at this point. He took the photo's of her nude, and that's all the evidence you should need to let you know that you need to leave. (That girl could be my little niece for Godsake!)

 

Then I questioned her she said she needed some money and came to ask him, then he tell me that he took her 2 streets over to pick up the drug "sex drugs ok" and then he said she went home.

I didn't understand this. Your bf took the 15yr old down the street for sex and drugs?

 

Regardless...

Put all the facts together.

He has naked/reveling pictures of child. The lady across the street is also saying he tried to have sex with the girl. You have two pieces of evidence linking a sexual encounter of your bf with a child. Whether or not he was sucessful, is moot. I find it highly unlikely the girl would lie to the neighbor about this. For one, the girl had nothing to gain from making the story up to the neighbor. Two, Most kids who find themselves in a situation over their heads will find an adult to talk to.

 

Also, you know for fact the girl was at his place at 2am.

 

Combine that with his attempt to transfer his guilt onto you. If he hadn't done anything wrong, then he wouldn't be trying to make you feel as though you were wrong for leaving him alone with that girl. By doing that, he's admitting he did do something he knows is wrong with that child, and trying to make you responsible for his actions. (even though you had nothing to do with it.)

 

Lisa. I highly suggest you call a friend, or relative that you can go to for support. He is a child molestor. What kind of life could you have with a man like this?

 

And please be careful. *hug*

You know you have to leave. And you know this isn't your fault. Don't let him manipulate you, and twist your mind.

[Walk]

Immediate help for victims of domestic abuse in the United States

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

National Domestic Violence Hotline (800) 799-7233 or (800) 787-3224 (TTY for hearing disabled)

* English and Spanish help available 24/7; access to translators in 139 different languages

* Crisis intervention, information about domestic violence and referrals to local service providers to victims of domestic violence and those calling on their behalf

 

http://www.ndvh.org/

 

Why Do Battered Women Stay in Abusive Relationships? See the answer at

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Abuse/Site/index.htm

 

Safety Plan when You're Getting Ready to Leave at

http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?d...cumentID=32452

 

Problems of Rural Battered Women at http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/rural.htm

[RecordProducer]

He took a picture of a nude 15-year old girl and she stayed at his place at 2 am. That pretty much makes him a cheater. He didn't tell you about any of this until you found the picture in the computer and her email. That makes him a liar. You don't need to figure out what he lied about exactly - all you need to know is that he lied. Messing around with another girl (let alone a minor) for pure sexual reasons is disgusting.

Dump him and don't look back! Ever!!!

[lilmoma1973]

He took a picture of a nude 15-year old girl and she stayed at his place at 2 am. That pretty much makes him a cheater. He didn't tell you about any of this until you found the picture in the computer and her email. That makes him a liar. You don't need to figure out what he lied about exactly - all you need to know is that he lied. Messing around with another girl (let alone a minor) for pure sexual reasons is disgusting.

Dump him and don't look back! Ever!!!

 

Totally agree with RP !!! This man has some issue with younger women and it is best you found out before it went into marriage!! This man could be some type of pedifile and that is plain sick he probably watchs young girls on the computer !! Don't trust him at all !! Run Run as fast as you can never look back!!!

[weescotslassie]

I have been very depressed to the point I couldn't get out of bed, I have been called all kinds of bad names and I dont understand how I let this happen to me but My heart has been broken and im not sure what I need to do. I know that I don't trust anymore and I am very confused about him. Well let me tell you what happened then maybe you can tell me what you think I should do about him or if I should believe him ever. One day I was at his home, he had a 15 year old girl and her boyfriend working for him, she had a drug problem and I figure it might be good for her to work and be busy so I allowed it. well I let that day at 5 and went home, I get an email from her from his home at 2:00 in the morning saying she would never do anything to screw me over and don't tell chuck, well I didn't get the email until 7 in the morning and called him and said what was she doing in your home at 2 in the morning, he got quit, I told him she sent me an email, he said she came by to use the phone, she locked her keys in the house and needed to make a call. Then I questioned her she said she needed some money and came to ask him, then he tell me that he took her 2 streets over to pick up the drug "sex drugs ok" and then he said she went home. well the next day I was going through the computer and pulled up a pic of her nude that was saved on there, then I went off, I ask her she told me he took more than one, when I ask him about the pic he said she flashed her breast as so he took the pic and nothing else happened that he never touch that girl and she didn't touch him, then he went to crying and begging me to believe him, and I didn't believe him, he lied to me and I just don't know what to believe, but I feel in my heart that something happened and he's lying to me, its like he would tell the truth about one thing to cover up something that might have happened. Anyway the lady across the street said the she came to her to talk and said that she didn't sleep with him but there were pics and the he pulled his thing and tried to put it in her mouth, I ask him he said that she's a liar, and promised that he didn't do anything with her. So I need help I am going crazy trying to figure if he's lying, which I think in my heart something happened. and that sad thing is , is that I loved him. So please just be honest with me be up front with me on what you think, because I want this over so I can move on, and I am ready if you say anything negative, and if you think that's he lying, it will help me because im confused. He was so sweet to me when we first met and then its like he got control of my head and my heart and I was trapped in his abuse and his physical abuse and thought he might change. He said he would never cheat on me. so what do you guys think? I am trying very hard to break away, so I need your help. Also I ask him why would he do this to me, or treat me the way he does and he said to me that it is all my fault, that I should have been there with him and that I caused it all, and that if he would have been living with me it would have never happened, but me not being there caused all the problems and so I need to look my self in the mirror and see who the blame for it all.

Thanks

Lisa

First of all, get away from him. You have mentioned abuse. Any form of abuse, whether it's physical or mental should not be tolerated by anyone. You deserve so much better, and please do not blame yourself for his actions. You have no control over him what-so-ever. He has taken advantage of an underage girl who is using drugs. She needs help. He should be reported to the police or social services. What he is doing is wrong. It sounds very much like he is lying to you. Something happened between him and that girl, and although you may never find out exactly what went on, you have the photo(s) to prove that what IS happening needs to be stopped. He may have forced her to pose for those pictures, that girl could be in danger. You need to be strong, even if she came on to your boyfriend, she still needs your help. Maybe you can be there for each other. Good luck, let me know what happens.

[lisa345]

I have never been in this kinda deal im my life ok, and I do not have attractions to bad men. this is a shock to me ok, he was the most sweetest man I had ever met in the first of the relationship, then he got mean and I felt trapped.

 

 

Hello,

 

Your attraction to this kind of a man needs to be deeply researched.

 

Most women who had known the average upbringing would have long ago run from this man without ever looking back.

 

I suspect that every waking moment of his life finds him giving off reasonably clear signals as to his being a bad person. Your attraction to bad men is the most serious issue you have. And the best part is that you don't need anybody else to cooperate to begin seeing therapists to break you of that attraction.

 

It is a no-brainer that the male is sincerely flawed in any situation where a fifteen-year-old girl is coerced into baring her breasts while alone with an adult male. This should have been a signal to you to run from the guy as fast as you could get away.

 

Your liking for bad men is most probably the result of upbringing and the negative experiences along the way.

 

I say that you need to end the abuse cycle slowly but surely.

 

You're better than that.

 

(and the 15-year-old girl is innocent, merely for her being a minor)

[lisa345]

Please understand something I am not with him, I am just having a had time dealing with this is my head and heart, I am the one that found this it killed me inside, I never thought that this would be. I did got to the police and her mother and her mother would not press charges, said that her daughter has done this may time with men, the cops said there was nothing they could do unless they had the pics and he deldeted them, also they need mom to press charges, so ya thats messed up. The police told me that she had 56 counts of doing this with men for money to buy drugs he was a crack user. Its sad because no one to help her or that cared. I alse found out that her dad was in prison for 15 year, not sure for what. I ask her myself what happend in the house with him, she said the pics, which I knew she wasnt going to tell me, se just said that she was going to rob him. So who knows. But I do know that what my friend says about what happned, had to be true. it just hurts because of the whole thing.

[lisa345]

I know that you guys are trying to help, its just im sick over it, I can beleave all this is happening to me, I didnt understand what was happening to me in this relationship how he got control of me and my head and heart. He was very verbally abuive to me to where I couldnt think right, then he tried to choke me one time and I had him put in jail for that, he hit me with a board once and then called me a merdering bitch because of one of his trutle died when I was the one that cleaned the tank, he has had me very scard to move, do u understand? I have had night mares over this every night, all the means things he has said to me, saying my stupid, cant do anything right and the list goes way on. I have been trying very hard to get over this, thats why I came here.

lisa

[lisa345]

note no he , she was a crack user.

 

sorry

 

Please understand something I am not with him, I am just having a had time dealing with this is my head and heart, I am the one that found this it killed me inside, I never thought that this would be. I did got to the police and her mother and her mother would not press charges, said that her daughter has done this may time with men, the cops said there was nothing they could do unless they had the pics and he deldeted them, also they need mom to press charges, so ya thats messed up. The police told me that she had 56 counts of doing this with men for money to buy drugs he was a crack user. Its sad because no one to help her or that cared. I alse found out that her dad was in prison for 15 year, not sure for what. I ask her myself what happend in the house with him, she said the pics, which I knew she wasnt going to tell me, se just said that she was going to rob him. So who knows. But I do know that what my friend says about what happned, had to be true. it just hurts because of the whole thing.

[lisa345]

sorry everyone I cant seem to spell tonight

[NYCmitch25]

Lisa, you make it sound like this relationship is *everything* -- it's not. Maybe you've idealized it that way -- and it seems you've gotten a terribly strong and crippling dose of what the rest of us refer to as the real world. A world filled with good people, bad people, and sometimes people so evil that they shouldn't even be considered "people". It is imparative that you find a quick way to remove yourself from this evil.

 

I'm troubled by some of your comments because 'experts' in this field would believe that he had perhaps sought you out for a reason -- a socal language where he found you to be someone he can abuse if you will. I wonder if you are dealing with an anxiety disorder and you don't even know it; the reason why I say this is that you have stated that you are "depressed to the point [where you] couldn't get out of bed," and that he has been physically abusive to you and let off the hook for it, and that he seems to be playing the perverbial evil 'ying' to your 'yang'.

 

I don't know how you should get away from this guy, but think carefully because it really could mean your life! Maybe calling the support line will yeild some tips or perhaps you can stay with friends/family out of the area for a while?