CherokeeTeaRose Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 Ok after my bout with the guy in the band and after recognizing it for what it was, my friend Shawna came to me with a problem similar to mine but not. Because we never got this far into the "game" or EA. I have tried to tell Shawna that this guy is trying to find out what she is like in bed, but she insists that it's just all playful banter. Here is the conversation as posted below: Her: Hangovers suck, sorry my other friends didn't show up at the bar, but they went to the wrong one. Him: Sorry about your hangover. Well things happen, everyone had a blast, you did too by the looks of it. Her: Did my kissing you on the neck bother you? If so I apologize. Him: No it didn't bother me at all, you seemed to really enjoy yourself. Good Drinks! Her: I was hammered, but that's what happens when you have drinks before you arrive at the bar. My ass is sore because (her husband's best friends name here) grabbed my ass. I have a bruise! Him: Hah! Well at least you have something to remember him by, he was really drunk too and feeling good. Besides you like it rough! Her: How would you know if I like it rough?! Him: I have a sense about these things. Do you deny it? Her: No I don't. Do you like it rough? LOL Him: It has it's place. I prefer slow easy exploration. I guess it depends on the mood. Her: I prefer passionate sensual interludes instead of rough actions, but if I'm really into them and I'm very turned on I like to be ravished. Him: Sounds about right. Do you like to put on a show for your lover? Her: Yes I do. I like to have extended amounts of foreplay. I like to build the excitement as to heighten arousal and climax. Do you like a show? Him: I like to receive a show, but I'm not an entertainer in that way. I like to use words to create anticipation and spark desire. Her: Oh now there is something we have in common. I think articulate sensual wording can lead to a lot of passionate lovemaking. Him: Yes. I like to say what I'm going to do and how it is going to drive them wild. Does this look like playful banter to anyone else? I have tried to tell her that what it looks like to me is that he is trying to find out what she likes in bed and what she is like in bed, but my friend is not hearing it. I need some advice on how to break through to her. She has a great marriage with a very successful guy and two beautiful children. They have been married for 20 years and it would be a shame to see it all get torn away because of this. I intend on showing her this message board for guidance, because you guys sure helped me out. Thankyou.
Hot Coco Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 She's playing with fire. It's crossed a line. Believe me, I know. She's asking for trouble. She should either stop or get a divorce. She's displaying behavior of a single woman not a married one.
Author CherokeeTeaRose Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 She seems to think he is just being a friend to her and out of my own experience I have told her no, this goes way beyond what happened with me. I have told that he is not just being friendly, he is being way more than just friendly. To me it looks as though he is trying to find out what she likes in bed and how she is in bed.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 Unless he is gay, talk like that from a man means only one thing. I expect your friend knows that, too but enjoys the attention too much to admit that to herself.
Sami_D Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 Sounds like a lot of stupid flirting to me. Nothing to get het up about, it happens all the time with no real motivation.
Hot Coco Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 This absolutely goes beyond innocent flirting. Your friend is in denial. I agree that your friend knows this. Sami, if you were married you wouldn't be having a conversation like that with another man and think it would be appropriate, would you?
Sami_D Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 This absolutely goes beyond innocent flirting. Your friend is in denial. I agree that your friend knows this. Sami, if you were married you wouldn't be having a conversation like that with another man and think it would be appropriate, would you? Well it's not 'innocent' at all. Its really quite tacky in lots of ways. For myself. No, I wouldn't have this exact conversation whether I was married or seriously involved with anyone. The reason being that throughout the conversation it seemed to me that the woman was prompting the man: Her: "Did my kissing you on the neck bother you?" (pant pant?) Her: "Do you like it rough?" LOL. Ahem. Most men invited into a conversation like that are going to go along with it. What he actually thinks of the woman initiating it will differ. Also HER reasons for such flirtation could be numerous. Anything from harmless fun to full on FCK me now material. It's just a conversation, with many interpretations.
Hot Coco Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 On one hand you're saying it's not innocent and then on the other it's "just" a conversation...no. Grown, married people do NOT have these kinds of conversations with the opposite sex innocently. She knows EXACTLY what she's doing or else she's extremely naive.
Author CherokeeTeaRose Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 Did any of you even notice that he said to her first You like it rough anyway! To which she did respond and then she asked him if he liked it rough. She isn't to solely blame here. So lets not get started on the blame game. I think this guy isn't just harmless flirting with her. He wants to clearly sleep with her.
Sami_D Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 On one hand you're saying it's not innocent and then on the other it's "just" a conversation...no. Grown, married people do NOT have these kinds of conversations with the opposite sex innocently. She knows EXACTLY what she's doing or else she's extremely naive. No, it's not innocent. Yes, it's just a conversation. No, it's not everyday, but in actual fact, either of them could be talking about it with much hilarity to their spouses later in the day. What matters is intent, and desire to carry anything out. You can't go judging anything on a conversation taken out of context.
Sami_D Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 Did any of you even notice that he said to her first You like it rough anyway! To which she did respond and then she asked him if he liked it rough. She isn't to solely blame here. So lets not get started on the blame game. I think this guy isn't just harmless flirting with her. He wants to clearly sleep with her. Well yes I noticed that he said it first. But this sort of thing is 'banter'. Whether someone attaches importance to words said is not known to outside parties unless one of those people involved cares to fill the audience in. I would be the first to say don't blame anyone on the 'evidence' presented here. It's JUST a conversation. Who knows what anyone was thinking..? Only the people involved. What are you trying to say about your friend or this man..?
Author CherokeeTeaRose Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 Well yes I noticed that he said it first. But this sort of thing is 'banter'. Whether someone attaches importance to words said is not known to outside parties unless one of those people involved cares to fill the audience in. I would be the first to say don't blame anyone on the 'evidence' presented here. It's JUST a conversation. Who knows what anyone was thinking..? Only the people involved. What are you trying to say about your friend or this man..? I think they want to sleep together. I think it's been a long time coming too. You would have to know other things that have went on. Such as him asking her if she wanted to come home with him. Him touching her on the hips. Him clinging to her when she hugs him. He enjoys this ****. Let's not forget her kissing him on the neck and if he truly didn't want anything with her or if he was all that moral he would have pushed her away and told her that her behavior is unacceptable. Though he didn't. He let her do whatever she wanted and I think he relishes in it.
Sami_D Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 So why is she telling you all this..? And what do you think and why are you bothered by it..? Just questions to find out more, I don't mean anything particular by them.
Author CherokeeTeaRose Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 So why is she telling you all this..? And what do you think and why are you bothered by it..? Just questions to find out more, I don't mean anything particular by them. Because she feels she can confide in me without it getting back to anyone else. We all know what it's like to carry a secret inside of us that we just want to talk about, well this is no exception here. I have tried to tell her that this may seem like friendly banter to her and he may try and snow her in with "I'm moral and we're just going to be friends" but if a guy knows a girl is married and he carries on conversations like that with her then one needs to question just how moral he is and what he is looking for.
Sami_D Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 if a guy knows a girl is married and he carries on conversations like that with her then one needs to question just how moral he is and what he is looking for. Or maybe he's wondering just how moral she is? Isn't he the single one in all this? It won't be him who's lying to his spouse if anything actually happens... Is she looking to you for opinions on HIS behaviour, or hers..?
Author CherokeeTeaRose Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 Or maybe he's wondering just how moral she is? Isn't he the single one in all this? It won't be him who's lying to his spouse if anything actually happens... Is she looking to you for opinions on HIS behaviour, or hers..? Even if it is a question of morals, he knows she is married and if he was just trying to be her friend then he wouldn't be carrying on like this with him. This is a question of something else.
Author CherokeeTeaRose Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 Or maybe he's wondering just how moral she is? Isn't he the single one in all this? It won't be him who's lying to his spouse if anything actually happens... Is she looking to you for opinions on HIS behaviour, or hers..? Even if it is a question of morals, he knows she is married and if he was just trying to be her friend then he wouldn't be carrying on like this with him. This is a question of something else.
whichwayisup Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 So what if he knows she's married - (some) Men will still try to pursue a woman to see IF he can get her attention, married or not! Doesn't mean that he will actually act upon his words, but he's definately seeing how far he can take things...Seeing her reaction and seeing what buttons to push with her. She fell for it, hook line and sinker!! It has nothing to do with her husband, she got caught up in the flirting game and it crossed the line. Not alot of damage here, but if she continues to play this game with him, the lines will be crossed even more and they'll probably end up in the sack, given the opportunity. Definately let her know to STOP what she is doing and realize she is married and it's inappropriate behaviour she's displaying with this man! I'm sure if her husband did the same thing with another woman flirting with him, she'd be so pissed off at him! Tell her that too.
Author CherokeeTeaRose Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 So what if he knows she's married - (some) Men will still try to pursue a woman to see IF he can get her attention, married or not! Doesn't mean that he will actually act upon his words, but he's definately seeing how far he can take things...Seeing her reaction and seeing what buttons to push with her. She fell for it, hook line and sinker!! It has nothing to do with her husband, she got caught up in the flirting game and it crossed the line. Not alot of damage here, but if she continues to play this game with him, the lines will be crossed even more and they'll probably end up in the sack, given the opportunity. Definately let her know to STOP what she is doing and realize she is married and it's inappropriate behaviour she's displaying with this man! I'm sure if her husband did the same thing with another woman flirting with him, she'd be so pissed off at him! Tell her that too. What I don't get though is much like what I went through with the band guy, this guy is touting the same stuff, I'm too moral to do anything past flirting and I wn't be the one to have an affair with. That's against my beliefs. Then I wonder and have to question what he is doing with her. If you look at the dialogue what it said to me is that he was trying to indirectly ask her what she likes in bed and what she is like in bed. That to me is a precursor to doing the deed. I think he is using his words and his actions as a way of making her feel very comfortable around him until he can get it up his sleeve to act upon it and ultimately try to sleep with her eventually. I am not so sure this guy is all that moral. I know band boy wasn't. Do you understand where I'm headed with this? I think it crossed the line way and beyond when she kissed him on the neck and he didn't push her away or tell her that her behavior was out of line. If you're only trying to be friends with a married woman then you wouldn't be texting, telling her those things, and you wouldn't let the married woman kiss you on the neck and then start back up a text dialogue spouting off several different sexual undertones and connotations.
Sami_D Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 But what does all this have to do with you? Do you feel bad because you didn't take your 'band guy' up on his offer..? Not sure why you're posting all this stuff about another woman and her life.
Author CherokeeTeaRose Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 But what does all this have to do with you? Do you feel bad because you didn't take your 'band guy' up on his offer..? Not sure why you're posting all this stuff about another woman and her life. You're missing the point here. My friend is sitting here reading these boards as well. I am one of her very good friends, we grew up together, we should all be so lucky to have a friend that wants to look out for us and save us from the heartache of going down the wrong path. That is what I'm doing for her. I know how it is to get almost wrapped up in something that might not be so easy for her to get out of like it was me. I have no regrets for turning band guy down, it was the right decision and my marriage is worth more than a piece of a$$. Thanks for asking though.
Sami_D Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 Hmmm ok... she can't type..? Sorry, just wondering about this whole thread.
Author CherokeeTeaRose Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 Hmmm ok... she can't type..? Sorry, just wondering about this whole thread. I came on first to get some guidance, not for this. I appreciate all those that tried to help in a constructive way. Thankyou. A lot for her to think about.
smileyone Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 Very interesting indeed. Someone named TranquilMoon posted almost this exact same thread on a marriage saving website talking about YOU. Apparently she exposed this all to your hubby and now you are busted. Maybe you and Tranquil Moon are one in the same? SamiD - good call. Just popped in to take a look at this thread because it was pointed out on the other site. A poster named OWL called her out on another topic here. BuhBye..
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