sooooohurt Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 We have a TV series start last night, about a man, his wife their 3 kids and his OW. The man told his wife, said he wanted to leave, then changed his mind, but she threw him out anyway, so he went to OW, said he had left.... then OW got a brain tumor......you get the idea, concludes tonight. it was very hard to watch, hit very close to home and brought the real devastation of affairs to all partes invovled including the kids out. So while im watching this and crying into my wine, my door is bangign ad I know its MM, and he wont leave just keeps banging and Im huggng my knees trying not to cry too loud so he doesnt hear that im in.
Sami_D Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 Hello SH. Didn't know you were in the UK too. Yes, I was definitely in two minds about watching that drama. Love some of the people in it, but I wasn't looking forward to having my emotions dragged over the coals just when I'd settled back down again. In the end I decided to watch and turn over if it got too much. But as soon as the MM seemed like a bit of an idiot I knew I was on safe ground... His M seemed pretty OK, he was just a bit brassed off and then suddenly "fell in love" with OW for no apparent reason. I don't think the drama is very much about the reality of affairs... that just seems to be one aspect of it. The one thing that really affected me was when he was about to tell the W (and managed to make it all about being in love with someone else ) ... it made me feel triply glad that MM isn't going to be doing any of that in the near future. I don't want all that pain and agony for anyone. Why is your MM coming round banging on your door? There must be some way you can stop this sort of thing happening..? What can you do about it?
Author sooooohurt Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 Hi Sami yeah UK!!!! Was very hard going wasnt it!!!! but we already went through all the pain so guess guilt played a major part in my crying. Was MM knocking on door but for very different reasons, a mutual friend has gone missing, he called me at work today asking why I didnt reply to e-mails he sent because was important, I just said ill talk another time and hung up....... horrible. Now im upset because he hasnt tried to get in touch on a personal level:mad: Its obviously over in his head, now just gotto work on it being over in mine. Sometimes I wish i could go back to where you are Sami x
newbby Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 a friend went missing? is that as serious as it sounds?
Author sooooohurt Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 Yeah Newwby it is, its horrible his Mrs has been calling me, MM works with him he hasnt been to work either or called in............. my bosses' reaction 'please dont bring personal problems into work' aaarrrrgggghhh I wanted to walk out.
Sami_D Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 SH... I really hope you can get over all these feelings that are still attached to him. He sounds like he just doesn't get it at all Why would he expect you to read anything he sent, or answer the door to him I'm sorry to hear about your friend who's gone missing... any reason that might be? Any news? Are you going to be watching the conclusion to the drama tonight..? Seems a bit convenient to me that the OW only has 9 months to live... then again... who can afford to write a drama that goes on as long as these damned relationships..? It's more like a flaming soap opera ... I'm expecting to come out of the shower any morning now and realise it's all been a very complicated nightmare
Author sooooohurt Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 He is that arrogant and selfish nothing surprises me!!!! AAAArrrgggghhh how do men make the transition from all to nothing so easy????? Update on missing friend he has sent a text message to his Mrs so at least hes ok.... if still very messed up........ I know if that drama was true to life it'd run as long as corrie!!!! I wondwer if theyll be watching it too as a couple:sick:
Sami_D Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 He is that arrogant and selfish nothing surprises me!!!! AAAArrrgggghhh how do men make the transition from all to nothing so easy????? Well it takes a certain kind of man. I've had relationships with two of 'that type' in the past (before I learned to SPOT them at a distance...). They're also the hardest to get over because you feel like someone's attacking your heart with a rasp every time you talk to them... feelings..???? NO they don't have any at all, and talking to them makes you feel like an out-of-control lunatic on acid. My mother was exactly the same - it's not just men.
Author sooooohurt Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 Its strange Sami, my Mum has a really hard time with feelings aswell, apart from after a few!!! this is the e-mail conversation between me and MM just then MM ; Have you heard anything Me ; Yeah everythings fine MM ; with you or with (missing friend) Me ; Missing friend MM ; ok Me : In future If (missing friend) Mrs calls can you leave me out of this I have nothing to do with thir domestics or your workplace and I dont think (Missing friend) would appreciate everyone getting invovled feel sick.....
Sami_D Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 Its strange Sami, my Mum has a really hard time with feelings aswell, apart from after a few!!! My Mum died almost two years ago... but she still, even on her deathbed couldn't say 'I love you too' when I told her I loved her. When I was a child if she wasn't telling me she never wanted a little girl, she was telling me she wished she was dead. But I did get to forgive her (in my own mind and heart, that is) for all the bad years... I know she had a really tough childhood, and I know that losing her first child (a girl... hence she didn't want another one) was something she never got over. Well done for re-stating things with your (ex)MM. It sounds like you're in a good place of being annoyed with him at the moment... is that right..? Only last night you seemed like you were feeling a bit weak. How are you doing..?
Sami_D Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 Sorry to hijack your thread, but these were more or less the last words my Mum and I exchanged. Me: I love you, Mum. Mum: I know you do. I know she loved me in her own way, but it would have been really nice to hear it from her. I'm still not over all that, but I do love her and hope that her and Dad are in a good place together now.
Author sooooohurt Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 Im sorry about the loss of your Mum Sami, Im glad you can forgive her though, I think they can only give us what they were taught to give when they were young............. Yeah thats pretty much the same, My Mum had a pretty hard childhood, her Mum didnt want her, I say I love you all the time I get 'uh' back, apart from when shes drunk and she just crys and calls me her baby. Maybe thats got something to do with the dysfunctional/unavailable men we attract.
Sami_D Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 I think if you can take a step back from relationships and notice what's going on it really helps with love and healing. Then again... I hate the fact that I've never been able to really get involved in a relationship (or life in general) and enjoy it (or hate it). My way of coping with life has always been to analyse and intellectualise. That's why I'm even on this site... to find out how I/MM fit into obvious patterns/ what is different about us, etc. Trying to 'understand' everything is a control thing in some ways... I wish I could just live at times. So... how are you feeling..? I'm feeling that I want to drive up to see him tonight . Hugs would be really good just now. But I'll wait till Monday when I get to spend the week with him.
Author sooooohurt Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 Ha ha me too, MM used to listen to his favorite songs, I used to listen to the words analize them and ask him if he liked because of xyz reason, hed just say 'no i just like the song' Im ok wish Id never spoken to him, but handled it better than expected, glad I didnt open the door. Im just gonna keep trying to forget him and hopefully one day Ill wake up and he wont be the first thing in my mind......... oohh home time, if I dont speak to you before have a great week with MM Sami
Sami_D Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 Ha ha ha ha ... damn that search for reasons. I hope I'm weaning myself off them. I just really want to enjoy whatever love and happiness that comes my way in the next decades . When I'm feeling easy with someone... these days I tell myself that's for a good enough 'reason'... I just don't want to have to look up all the 'patterns' I might be following... the prognosis of the whole affair... the traps I might be falling into... The whole reason I came here wasn't because I was hurting very badly with MM, it was just out of nosiness and need to investigate the whole 'what happens in affairs' thing. I sometimes feel I really don't fit in here. I don't know. I really wish I could post on gloryb.com but for some reason I can't seem to register While I've been here I haven't found anyone I could really relate to in this stage of my relationship with MM... but I've got hooked on the intellectual aspect of investigating these (and other) relationships. That's just my personality I suppose. Anyway, if you're off till next week SH... see you soon. I am sure I'll be around daily till next Monday morning when I get that flight. Take care
newbby Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 sorry sooohurt, i really thought i replied to this! wierd! glad to hear that your friend is okay. sorry to hear that your mm is still bothering you. i think if you can manage total nc at all you will definetly feel alot better. i run into mm occasionally but because its not often and we dont speak, i can pretty much put him out of my mind the rest of the time. even when i see him know i dont really feel anything at all, slight rejection, but nothing major. if i had to speak to him all the time, i would not have been able to move on.
Author sooooohurt Posted November 17, 2005 Author Posted November 17, 2005 Wow just been made redundant........... these things really do come in threes!!!
Sami_D Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 SH... omg... I'm so sorry to hear that... you OK?
goingforgold Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 I dont know what to say but big *****hugs******** for you. Hope you're doing ok..
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