whichwayisup Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 it is very hard for the female to "reframe" the relationship as something else. If you start out as friends then you'll remain friends (from her perspective).... This is true. She will still have 'emotional' attachment but it's not romantic feelings. And, even if the guy is HOT, if she doesn't feel the sexual attraction, the guy doesn't have a chance. Frame of mind...Wow Alpha, good insight. True. guesstimate I hate that word...
wantedandhopeless Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 Hey! first to answer the thread then ask my question.. Yes.. it very possible to have a friend of the opposite sex. It may be rare to find this type of relation but it definitely isn't impossible. I'm in highschool at the moment and I find that there are many more people of the opposite sex being just friends.. and they've been just friends for the past 4 years. In terms of friends becoming lovers... I would be assuming that this would happen and it that it would usually be a good thing. You already know who they are and why wouldn’t you want to go out with them.. you wouldn't be their friend if you didn’t like them.. right? Anyway... here's my problem and I don’t know what to do Hoping you guys can give me a hand. I really really really like this girl.. and I’m mean I’ve fallen head over heals for her. I'd die for her. Anyway, I'll start the story from the start, its a little confusing. (I’m 16 at the moment and so is she). About one and a half months ago i fell in love with this girl that goes to my highschool. (I have known her since last year... not as close friends but as mutual friends who I would hang out with at school occasionally but never more than that). Me being the shy and timid one.. i never really did much to get her attention but one day she add's me to msn messenger. She said she needed to ask me about some physics questions but she never did. After that we started talking to each other everyday, anywhere from 2-4 hours. She also started asking me for help in every subject and she would pass by me in the morning where i hang out and say hi (which she never used to do). That went on for quite a while (roughly 2 weeks). Then one day as we were talking, she sort of set me up to ask her out.. so i did and she said yes. (It also turned out that she knew i liked her). The only problem was, was that it was at the end of the term and we both had way tooo much work to get together (she also has concert rehearsals every Saturday and church Sunday making it even harder). So nothing really ever happened and everything else that we had planned to go to never happened because something happened and she couldn't go anymore. I began to get the feeling that she only said yes to not hurt my feelings so i asked her what exactly was happening between us and she said she was still interested.. but that her schedule was crazy making it hard. Time went on, and still nothing.. So i asked her one final time (this time over msn) and she replied with "i want to, but im sooo busy (:() that i have no life and I dont want yuo to be waiting as you are now for a long time. thats really unfair to you. I also feel that I know you mostly over the internet and i would like to talk more in school". Since then things have changed... she doesn't talk as much on msn or on the phone as much anymore. She rarely comes by in the morning (she still does though, but not as often) and she doesn’t really ask me for help anymore... ...... First question: Is this because she knows I want to go out with her and she doesn't need to give me hints that she's interested as well? ...... Since then I've made an effort to say hi to her as much as I could and talk to her at every opportunity and she seems willing enough to talk. But it wasn't the same... She was never as enthusiastic about seeing me as before. That went on for about 1-2 weeks. Then I really started trying to talk to her... and I mean any chance I had. If she had to stay at the school to work… I’d stick around until she left just so that I could say bye. If she had to work at one of the school events I’d go to the event and help her, etc. I also started to flirt with her a little again just to see her reaction and from what I saw... she enjoyed it... She even called me cute and sweet... And ever since that, whenever I say hi to her, and she's with friends, she sort of blushes and whispers "hey..", but if she's alone she says "Hey!!". She is also talking to me a lot more in school. And she always seems to brightens up when I start talking to her. She also doesn’t mind me walking beside her at a fairly close distance (like maybe half a foot or less) and if I tap her to say hi as I pass her in the halls between class, she doesn’t flinch or try to move away. I've also, recently, caught her shooting glances at me (like 10-15 times in a 50 min period). .........questions: 1)Did she only want to be friends before and said yes to going out so that she wouldn't be hurting my feelings? 2) Now that I have spoke to her more in person (as she wanted), has she realized that I am the same person as the one she first fell in love with and has now fallen in love with me again?? or am I just misreading the whole situation?? 3) What I’ve interpreted is that she fell in love with me as the guy over the internet and when I asked her out she said yes but then realized that that was a bad idea and regretted it. But since she knows me now in person a lot better… she’s come to realized that I’m the same guy and has fallen for me again… If you people view this as her just wanting a friend relation and nothing more… how do I ask her to if she wants to do something as a friend and not as a date?? Because I really like her for who she is and I really want her as a friend… we just get along soo well and I feel like I can tell her anything.. the first person I’ve ever found who I can do that.. Please help me I’m soooo confused and tormented… This has been driving me crazy for the past 3 weeks… all I do is think about her and fear that I will lose her as a lover and as a friend forever…
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