mia_1978 Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 Hey... I am new here... Just ran accross this site while looking for tips for breaking up (I am so horrible at it). Maybe you guys can offer me some advice. I am 27 years old, and I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. I met him about 6 months before I graduated college. After I graduated, I got a job in his hometown and moved there. A month or two later, I decided he should move in for various reasons. My car was broken down, and I did not have reliable transportation. Also, I did not know the area well and I did not realize I moved in to a "bad" apartment complex until it was too late, and I did not feel safe living there alone. Anyway, I started my new job as a computer programmer. This whole time, he has had jobs from selling wine at at various liquer stores to selling electronics and computers. Everytime he gets a job, he starts bitching about it constantly. Also, beginning and quitting school several times (he is about to turn 28). I have stood with him through all of this emotionally, and monetarily. I just feel like I am being used because I have to pay for everything. If we go out to eat, I pay... Well, pretty much anything we do, I pay. It has become expected. He gives me what little money he makes, but I think I am spending more supporting him that what he pays me. He has not had a car since April (he wrecked it and got a DUI), and I have been having to shuttle him around since then. It is really starting to wear on me. Another problem is substance abuse... Both of us are alcholics, and drink entirely too much. I had a serious discussion with him several times about quitting. We have cut back alot, because we drank a couple of times and fighting ended up getting physical. But, he still likes to drink a little much, and it is not hard to twist my arm. I feel like if I were by myself, I could better myself on my own, because I would not be around someone that was a bad influence. Also, he is not very intimate, which makes me feel unloved and used. He will not snuggle with me or anything like that, and we RARELY have sex. It is like we are best friends instead of lovers. When he does try to be intimate, it is almost like it is fake? I do not even want him coming to me like that, you know? The other day he told me he loved me, and then said "seriously" afterwards? WTF? I mean, don't get me wrong, we get along okay, but I am just not "IN LOVE"? Things are looking up, however, because he has yet another new job, and his dad is helping him get some POS car to drive around, so at least I will not have to be a taxi cab for him. I just do not think I am happy. I feel like I have built up so much resentment towards him for all these reasons, and it is just not going to work. I do not see the cycle of him starting something and not finishing it ending. To summarize, I feel like I am his mom and I have to take care of everything. It is like I live my life around him and cater to his needs. I want a man that is a MAN and can take care of his woman, and not vice versa... Am I being selfish?
SMHappyface Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 SELFISH?! HELL NO! If you are a true woman you deserve a true man. One hundred years ago, the man took care of the woman like a child, today it's more like a equal thing, but when a guy mooches off of you like a child, you need to seriously reevaluate the relationship, or end it totally. I know the kind - my previous ex was a prime example - he never paid for ANYTHING, he never planned ANYTHING, he was like a stuffed animal - there, but not really involved, and let things come to him on a silver platter. The next guy, my ex-fiance who I just broke up with (after he cheated on me) developed a similar problem - when we first got together, he would buy everything, and doted on me constantly - it was great! However, toward the end (a month ago) he was so needy - buy me this, buy me that, I don't have any money, money makes the world go round, Go back to school and get a better job so we can make more MONEY. It was an obsession. I half exhausted myself dealing with his needs and found myself cheated on with maxed out credit cards. It's not worth it. You don't need to take care of your man, it's a mutual thing - I'm not saying keeping score, but you should be there for each other equally. If he can't hold up his end of the bargain, there are other guys out there that would love to.
whattosay Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 I want a man that is a MAN and can take care of his woman, and not vice versa... Am I being selfish? Well, he did take care of you if you guys stayed that long together, didnt he? I would assume that if I take care of a girl financially, I would get the same treatment if I'm going through a rough patch. If you are a true woman you deserve a true man. One hundred years ago, the man took care of the woman like a child, today it's more like a equal thing, but when a guy mooches off of you like a child, you need to seriously reevaluate the relationship, or end it totally. Not to sound like a chauvinistic pig, but 100 years ago, you would be in the kitchen and the children and be happy, not ranting about your man, or at the mall 24/7. If women want equality, then everything should be equal, including money matters. Im a guy, treat my girl like a princess, but she also treats me like a prince. There is no shame in a girl paying, its about being equal. It sounds like you two already made your decision about your life, whoever is in better make sure he has the wallet for it.
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