Idiot555 Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 I have been very very happily married for 3+ years. I got out of a bad relationship with a cheating wife prior to meeting my dream woman. Everything was perfect, great life, great career, great home and to top it off we just had our beautiful baby girl 2 months ago! I am the happiest man on the planet, love my family and love my wife with every ounce of my soul! For some reason I went out and found a prostitute! Not only did I find a prostitute but I planned this encounter for a week, got a disposable cell phone made an afternoon appointment and booked the hotel room. I had this encounter with this prostitute and got caught due to some sloppy web surfing at home. I tried to lie my way out of it but ended up confessing the whole thing. After the encounter I felt like I had just ripped apart the foundation to my life. I made a promise to myself at that time that I would never cheat on my wife again. I felt empty. My question is why do men feel the need to do this? I have just ruined my life and the life of the person that I love the most in this world! Our relationship will never be the same & I will not be able to be present at all of my daughters milestones, if this goes the way that I expect. I had it all and I can't even explain to myself why I let this happen much less explain it to my wife. I will try to do what I can to keep this together but my wife will not be able to forget, forgive maybe but not forget! Her first husband passed away and left her with a special needs son (who I love dearly) and our newborn baby girl Why did I do this? How much can a woman go through in her life. I never meant to hurt her, I am a very good person. Why did I do this and just ruin her life and everything we had built together? Why Why Why???
Lonestar Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 cuz you're an idiot? You did it because you thought you'd get away with it. You're only sorry because you got caught, and you deserve everything that's coming your way right now.
a4a Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 If you are posting the WHY question to get sympathy you came to the wrong forum........ Cheaters that get caught usually want to be caught. You need a shrink, you need a serious foot in your A$$, and your wife needs a partner in life that is worthwhile. I doubt this is the first time you have done this.....maybe not with a hooker.... damn man you premeditated the whole thing... that is deeply dark. Nice job dickweed! Tell your wife about this site so we can offer her some support during this hellish ordeal you have created. a4a
Outcast Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 Some men have issues arising from heaven knows what that cause them to freak out when their wives become mothers. Apparently it has something to do with equating their wives with their mothers and mothers aren't supposed to be 'dirty' and like sex. Google 'madonna - whore complex'. Then get to a shrink.
Hot Coco Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 Why? Why? Why do people INSIST on f***ing up their lives? I've seen this with people. It's as if when it gets too good they just can't handle it or maybe they just don't think they deserve it all so they make sure to f*** it up just like you did. Why do YOU think you did it. It wasn't an accident. You planned it all out. What were you thinking? I'd leave you. You don't deserve her. Your actions speak of someone with no class who is weak. I feel so sorry for your wife. Too bad she didn't have better judgement.
Neptune Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 That`s a good question....why. This does seem to happen to some married men that have a child for the first time. And everything is great in their marriage. So, I have never been in this situation but I suspect it has to do with a certain loss of freedom. I have felt that feeling when in a relationship. The desire to escape, to run away and be free. Having a child is overwhelming and some times the flight and fight response in some good men goes into the flight part of it. Really, it has the most to do with accepting responsibility. In short, you are running from responsibility in a most destructive way.
nextel Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 sometimes we tend to forget how it feels like to get hurt. Being that you have been hurt before, you of all people must do what it takes to ensure that it never happens ever again. You second marriage is very delicate. You are supposed to be wiser now that you know what marriage is all about. As far as why you did what you did? Well, perhaps you have some emotional issues that you are not addressing with your wife. You probably felt neglected because of the new addition to your family. Perhaps you needed your sexual needs met. Perhaps you felt added responsibility....regardless of the reason the bottomline is that it was very selfish of you. Your wife had your child. Every time a woman has a baby, she risks her well being. No woman is guaranteed life after they give birth. Anything could have gone wrong with her. You must worship the ground she walks on for not only giving you a child, but for being there with you and the children. What you need to do is really work on your marriage and not only with words. You have to pay the price for what you have done. You will have to help with the children, clean the house, spend weekends at home, cook for her, shower her with gifts, give her massages: DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO WIN HER TRUST BACK and this might take a long long time. You have opened up a can of worms because if I were her, I would wait until the day that I can do to you, what you have done to me and then walk away from the marriage.
JadeStar Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 They make disposable cell phones? dayummm where have I been? Jade
TouchedSoul Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 My God................I haven't a clue as to why you did this. She deserves better.
whichwayisup Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 Don't say "My question is why do men feel the need to do this" ask yourself why you decided to do this! Seems you obviously have some issues. Consider talking to a therapist one on one as well as going to marriage counselling with your wife. Midlife crisis? Bordem? Wanting to see how far you could go and get away with, without being caught? Needing something to spice up your life? Get yourself checked by a doctor to be sure you didn't pick up any STD's - Not only for your sake, but your wife's sake too. I can only imagine right now how s***ty, hurt and pissed off your wife feels towards you. If you want her to forgive you - Be prepared to work your ass off and be completely honest with her and never cheat again!
Naive Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 Are you posting this so you can find the perfect excuse to give your wife?
JadeStar Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 Are you posting this so you can find the perfect excuse to give your wife? Now thats a good question, and I wondered that myself. Are you wanting others to answer for you why you did what you did , so it will seem a justifiable excuse in your wife's eyes? Only YOU know why you did what you did. No one else can answer that for you. Jade
JayKay Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 You did it because *you wanted immediate gratification and felt entitled to it * you thought you could get away with it * you probably feel, on some level, that 'all men' are the same way and that you 'couldn't help' it. In other words, you did it because you were not mature enough to think of the possibe repercussions. Would you have felt this tearing remorse had you NOT gotten caught? Little food for thought there. Anyway, the only thing you can probably tell your wife is that you want to go to marriage counseling and try to figure out why you did such a f***d up thing to her.
harleygirl92156 Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 WHY? Because you have no integrity, no respect for yourself, your wife OR the prostitute you screwed, no character, no dignity, no morals and no values. You don't deserve your wife or your child. You know why you did it, SELFISHNESS! Now that you got caught you are sorry, bet you weren't a bit sorry until you ass got busted. Live with it, learn from it and use it to become a better man. Why doesn't matter, you did it and can't take it back. Your wife will NEVER trust you again so give that up. I know, I live in your wifes shoes and to do what you did is low down and dirty. Do the women of the world a favor and when your wife divorces your butt, STAY SINGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sylviaguardian Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 Well, I'm struggling here. You were cheated on in a previous marriage (so you know what it feels like). Your wife has an autistic son and a child by you and cheat on her with a prostitute? Maybe YOU can tell us why you did it?
n2Love Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 You couldn't be more transparent if you tried. Clearly, the only reason you posted this detailed information on this website is because you know that your wife is now on to you and is checking your history (although I am sure you deleted the ones that you didn't want her to see). It sounds like your wife is pretty smart - do you honestly believe that she will fall for your weak attempt at remorse? Obviously, your posting was so specific so that she would know, without a doubt, that you had posted it. And just in case her search skills weren't up to par, you posted almost the exact same sob story in another area on this site. I guess that is just more sloppy work. It is guys like you that give men a bad name. I would bet the bank that this was not your first affair - you don't go from being Ward Cleaver to Hugh Grant overnight. My advise to you...if you really care about your wife, her autistic son and your child - give your wife everything she wants when she divorces you and pay your spousal and child support on time. My advise to your wife...print off his confession, take it to an attorney and get an immediate divorce on the grounds of adultery.
loveheart59 Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 I suspect theres some kind of reason you did this. A lot of men get jealous when thier wife has a baby because thats where the attention is focused. Sometimes men feel they have no major role anymore as the mum seems to be the most important person in the house. So you went out to prove your worth as a man and your virility. Stiil that was probrably a physical response to the situation. If you actually loved this woman that much and knew how much shed been through you never would have done something that could possibly hurt her. Maybe you have communication problems or something if its not the baby thing. Also sometimes men find it hard to look at their wifes in a sexual way after the birth so you could be trying to seperate your sexual life and family life because you want to give your wife the respect she deserves as a mother. Was it worth it! I hope that was the best sex you ever had to make up for what youve lost.
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 The poster hasn't come back...I wonder if he will come face the music? Not that he owes US anything, but it would be nice to read what he thinks right now.
JadeStar Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 The poster hasn't come back...I wonder if he will come face the music? Not that he owes US anything, but it would be nice to read what he thinks right now. I was thinking the same thing. OP where are you?? Nobody gave him a justifiable excuse for him to tell his wife I guess. Jade
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 I think the "harsh" but well needed advice freaked him out and it was too much to take. Just hope some of what we said sunk in and made sense.
JadeStar Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 Exactly, I hate giving harsh advice sometimes because I know how it feels to receive it, but sometimes people need a wake up call. Even then sometimes it doesn't wake them up. Jade
Tristram Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 You did it because you are a dumbass! Give you wife everything she asks for in the upcoming divorce and leave her alone. The go to the nearest hospitol and get a vasectomy! You want this sort of chaos in your life, fine. Stop forceing on those who don't!
lilmoma1973 Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 My God................I haven't a clue as to why you did this. She deserves better. Me either guess he thought he could get away good thing she found out !! yES she deserves better!!! I can't believe you planned and plotted to do it that is plain sick to do that your wife and new baby!! Didn't you think how this would affect your child?
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