Crawford_ Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 Untill recently, (my birthday to be exact) I had a girlfriend of 3 years. It was one of those relationships where we spent like every minute together there was a period of time where she slept over at my house for whole weeks. Up untill about the end of July everything was fine then all of a sudden she started hanging out with some friends and ditching me. She even went as far as to tell me that she would not answer her phone when she is with them because it would be rude. Now when I told her its very rude not to answer the phone when her boyfriend of 3 years is calling she just accused me of being suspicious and that I'm controlling. Of course by the beginning of September she told me that she has feeling for someone else and we should take a "break" she also told me that she didn't do anything with him. I knew she was lying but I tried to stay with her anyway I loved her then and I love her now. She kept ditching me and telling me she was just with friends untill my birthday in early October where she decided to go out with her "friends" Of course we got in a fight about that and she told me the truth that she not only messed around with this guy but now he's her boyfriend. Its now mid November and she hasn't made the slightest attempt to talk to me, I call her every once and a while and i'm met with hostility like I was the one who did something wrong! I'm kinda going through some anxiety because she is moving half across the country in about a month and I'll never see her again. But I don't understand why she started a relationship with someone new if she's going to be leaving him soon anyway. Even worse she told me that this new guy she's with does drugs like cocaine leaving me to believe that she is doing it too. I love her and I want to save her from this horrible life she's going to have and I get by by thinking the drugs are making her not talk to me. Any advice people can give me would be appreciated.
slubberdegullion Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 You are giving your power away. This "I need a break" nonsense is wimmenspeak for "I think I want out of this relationship and I'm attempting to assuage my brittle conscience by trying to make it easier on you." Go NC (no contact) on her right away. No phone calls, letters, emails, text messages. Take your power back, and expect that it will hurt for a while. But you can also be thankful that she didn't pull this sort of stunt after a potential wedding.
Outcast Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 I love her and I want to save her from this horrible life she's going to have and I get by by thinking the drugs are making her not talk to me. Any advice people can give me would be appreciated. One of the saddest facts of life is that you cannot 'save' someone from her own dumb decisions. She should not have just found some other bf without first breaking up with you. She should not have lied to you. But these are signs that she's not for you. Unfortunately, in this case you're just going to have to let her go. Harder said than done, I know, but you're not alone. A lot of LSers are in the same sorts of situations. You will eventually get over her.
Jellostick Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 I believe that my ex broke up w/ me because of issues she has and if I could, I would help her through her issues and stand by her side and show how loving and caring I can be toward her. The thing is, she doesn't want to reveal these issues to me and never asked for my help. This was her choice to end what I felt was a great relationship and there's nothing I can do about it, just like there's nothing you can do about your ex. Being a loving person, you want to help those you're in love w/ if they have problems but if they're not willing to accept your help, you just have to accept it and move on. We all make bad decisions in life and eventually you'll realize what a horrible mistake was made but in this case, she doesn't care how she's making you feel over her decision and unless she's willing to want you to help her, you're better off just letting it go. It sucks how everything ended up. My girlfriend broke up w/ me after 3 and a half months but I can't imagine what I'd be like if I was w/ her for 3 years and she lied and cheated during that time. If anything, you should be pissed at her. I would be livid if I found that out. Yeah, you get stupid when you're in love but at some point the anger will take over the part of you that wants to help her. I hate being angry at an ex but sometimes it's warranted and in this case I think you have every right to be angry at her. Seriously, ask yourself why she's even worth it? It sucks to be alone, especially after a 3 year period which I have been in myself but why sweat some gal who obviously didn't respect you enough to be honest w/ you? She doesn't sound worth it to me. Cheers.
Author Crawford_ Posted November 14, 2005 Author Posted November 14, 2005 Jello you make a lot of sense and even though I know you and others who have told me similar things are right I just can't shake this feeling. It is just so wierd to me that after 3 years she all of sudden wants nothing to do with me like I'm just some toy she can put in the attic because she's done playing with me. I mean she must know that the guy is using her since he knows she's moving in a month so he won't have to commit to her right?
brittanyjean259 Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 who would have a boyfriend for 3 years, than get another boyfriend and not even break up with the current boyfriend till after she has a boyfriend....you should not feel like you need to" save her"....she will make her own mistakes...you should really get angry...because i know i would, i know its hard it really is because you love them... if she can do that, and did that.......she is defiently not the person for you, start moving on and even if she did come back....youd be with someone who chose someone over you ( witch hurt you very deeply)...and you dont need that
downcydeguy Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 I mean she must know that the guy is using her since he knows she's moving in a month so he won't have to commit to her right? You're missing something here my friend. SHE is using HIM right now. I'd guarantee that he's known all along that she'd be leaving soon - which was awesome to him. He'd have steady *ss and with no strings attached. When drugs are involved, you need to stay away. YOU can't help her. Only SHE can. This is going to be a very difficult time in your life but it will get better with time. We're all here for you as much as we're here for each other. Let her go.
Jellostick Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 Jello you make a lot of sense and even though I know you and others who have told me similar things are right I just can't shake this feeling. It is just so wierd to me that after 3 years she all of sudden wants nothing to do with me like I'm just some toy she can put in the attic because she's done playing with me. I mean she must know that the guy is using her since he knows she's moving in a month so he won't have to commit to her right? You're trying to make sense out of something that is pointles to make sense about. Why do people do bad things? I don't know and neither do you. The only person who knows why they do things is the person doing them. I'll go back to my ex as an example. I emailed her today because for some stupid reason I felt I needed to. I never mentioned anything about getting back together but just us not trying to hurt each other and be civil. The last time we spoke it was very difficult and we were both angry at each other. I told her that if I knew things would have gotten to this point, I would never had gotten into it but I felt her and I were better than that. It was a long email and I was being truthful and honest but here is what I received back: I received your e-mail. I still need the confirmation number. I would like to call and check on it. I do not feel obligated to pay for this ticket but I’m willing to pay for a ticket I can use. I will not pay for this ticket until I check that it is still available to use. You have the number at work. Please send the number today before 2pm otherwise the matter concerning this ticket will no longer be discussed. I would really appreciate that after this ticket matter that you will not e-mail, call or show up at my home. I feel that this is the only way for my life to get back to the way it was. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated. Well, to say I was pissed would be an understatement. I felt like trash, I felt like I did something so awful to her that she has a reason to respond to me like she did but I know I never did anything to her except being me. Why did she respond like that? Why has she been mean to me since we broke up? Why does she not want to be civil w/ someone she was in love w/? Now, ask yourself similar questions about your ex. Why did she act the way she did? Why did she cheat on you? Why did she lie to you? Why is she treating you like crap now? You know what the answers are to both of our questions? Only they know and it's not our problem to answer them for them. All you can control is you and only you. I'm getting comfort in knowing that she's a miserable person and will ultimately live a miserable life. I loved her but if this is who she truly is then I get comfort in knowing that I'm a good person and I did what I felt was right and you should believe in yourself too. I can't say not to sweat it 'cause it's hard to but what it boils down to is that the most important person here is you and now one else. Only you can control you, you can't control anyone else and if your ex and my ex want to act that way then so be it, we're better people w/out them and one day we'll make someone else's life a lucky one 'cause they have us in it. I believe that. Cheers.
Author Crawford_ Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 I'm starting to get it guys, In the end I'm the better person. I mean I'm the one who's trying to make contact after I got screwed over and I'm just wasting my time. I guess I've spent all this time worrying about her and how things are going to effect her and I'm not even thinking about myself. Whats funny to me is that people that I don't even know from all over the world are writing things to comfort me and help me with something that has been hurting and the girl i've loved for 3 years won't even talk to me. You guys are putting things in perspective for me and made me decide that I want to help people like you guys are. Although i'm still upset I'm starting to find more and more reasons not to care about this and that's good
brittanyjean259 Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 its always good to look at things from an " objective point of view" meening, take away the emotion, and pretend to be a friend giving you advice... that friend with advice wouldent be saying" GO GET HER man shes worth it"... what people have been telling you is the truth, your making it so easy on her by doing this, but it doesnt matter because in the end everyone gets what they gave at one point.
Author Crawford_ Posted November 15, 2005 Author Posted November 15, 2005 You're missing something here my friend. SHE is using HIM right now. Wow, I have to be honest and say that never crossed my mind. I'm very glad that you wrote that. It makes a lot more sense, I mean I've been thinking that he's taking advantage of her when its actually more like she's making this guy think that she's serious about him when she knows she'll been gone soon. I'm so glad I came to this forum
brittanyjean259 Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 yeah but either way, this girl should know what shes doing, if shes gettin taken advantage of...while she had a relationship with you....."smacks head"...
Author Crawford_ Posted November 16, 2005 Author Posted November 16, 2005 After not talking to her for a couple of weeks I got weak and asked her if she wanted to get some coffee through email. Her first response was very mean and she was basically telling me that If I come near her or her boyfriend she'll call the cops. But toward the end of the email she started saying how she thinks "its would be nice to see you again" and told me she only wants to talk to me through email. I responding back to her by not saying anything about her boyfriend or our relationship and that I basically just want to leave a good memory of her before she left, which is how I actually feel. This time she made sure to say "you BETTER not try to beat my boyfriend down" then went on about how she agrees with me but she's not sure when she can see me. I first told her that I was busy all week but after she responded that she's leaving on sunday for a family vacation (which I knew about before we broke up.) I offered to see her on saturday. Its been two days now since she replied leading me to believe that she was just saying that she wanted to see me so I don't show up at her house and beat up this assh*le. Its not his fault that she cheated on me so I can care less about fighting him, but for some reason she seems convinced. What is your take on this guys? Does she really want to see me, or just keeping me going to make me feel better?
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