nosybear819 Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 I always wondered this because I love my MM and I'm sure he feels the same way for me - but I've never actually came out and said "I love you" cuz I think it'd just be so strange. You know once you say it you can't take it back. I think it would add a new weird feeling to the relationship. My MM and I have "broken up" meaning that instead of seeing him like I used to I see him like every blue moon and sometimes he'll call to say hi. I know that we're close to not seeing each other at all 'cuz he's moving out of state soon. Ikinda think it'd be too much like a movie scene if the last time I see him I get all dramatic and say something lame like " I want you to know that I love you" then I'll turn my back to him and my hair will blow in the wind Anyhow do you girls say that to your MM and if so how'd you do it? When? What was his reaction?
Sami_D Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 It was a long time into knowing each other (and back when it was still solely an EA) that I told MM that I loved him. Then one day not so long after that, the words slipped out from him too. He was reticent to say it easily for a long time after that because, he said, he was conscious of all the things that admitting (even to himself) that he loved me meant for his marriage. Now, about 8 months after first admitting how we felt, we tell each other we love each other all the time.
mslovely97 Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 I think you should do what you feel. If you guys are not seeing each other as much as you did at first, I think you should not tell him you love him. It would be different if giys where still having a passionate relationship with each other,but its almost over. I know that you love him and you care for him, but whats the use in saying those precious words to him if its almost over between the two of you. See I instantly told him that I loved im when I realized it, and he told me he loved me to, but now I think that me loving him will be a waste of my time and my feelings. But he knew that I was in love with him and he continues to tell me that, but I feel like the more I love him the more sadder I become, because I know that he has kids and if that marriage breaks up, then the kids will live an awful life becuase that family would be torn. You know sheryl swoops just came out of the closet and "I read her coming out speech on the net. Out of all the stuff she said I agreed with only one thing she said. She said you can't help who you fall in love with the feelings are going to be there so you might as will face them head on. So all I can tell you is do what you feel. I mean On my part it slipped out, so I feel its damn if you do and damn if you don't. If you need to talk to someone my email address is [email protected]
Mr.Terrible Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 I would like to shed some lite even though I'm not the OW, I'm the MM. I agree that if this relatonship is pretty much done then dont say it. If this is really how you feel then go ahead. You already know how he feels and I know that women in general like to hear men say it "I love u". I just got out of a relationship that lasted for almost a year. We said it a lot but not at first and once we said it we wrote it everytime we emailed or wrote each other letters. It was almost expected to say it everytime and I think it got watered down a bit. The feeling is real on both sides just dont make it unfomfortable for the both of you.
Sami_D Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 Hello Mr. Terrible. I saw your post on Infidelity and replied to it there. I hope you're managing to work your way through your current problem. It's good to get the input of MM on this board.
Lyubimaya Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 I agree with Sami_D - Thanks Mr. Terrible. It's easy for others to slam us, and I too have been looking for sometime for a place to correspond with people in my situation (OW-MM). This is not the thing I freely discuss with my friends and family..... 1
andie0302 Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 I have been the OW to a MM for over 5 years. I am married and have been debating the idea of leaving my H for the last 2 years. My MM finally told me that he loves me very recently, although he would often say things like "I love your beautiful face" or "I love being with you", which I think it was his way of trying to feel me out to see if I felt the same about him. I did not tell him that I love hime, even though I do love him very much. I am afraid that telling him that I love him will take some of the excitement away or make the relationship too uncomfortable. Or that it will make him want to leave his wife of 20 years and try to be with me (which happened 4 years ago, but I was not ready to leave and don't know if I ever will be). Mr. Terrible is right - saying it could make it potentially uncomfortable for both of you. My advise is to not tell him unless you think you will regret not telling him for the rest of your life.
Lyubimaya Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 I think it would add a new weird feeling to the relationship. That fact that you're unsure of how he would react tells me that perhaps you don't know him well enough. Long before I ever told my MM that I loved him, I already knew he loved me and that there would be no "weirdness" once the "L" word was thrown out there. So, if you aren't sure how he'll react, then indeed it could change things for you if the feelings aren't mutual. Just be careful.
scarletletter Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 Funny that you should bring this subject up. It just happened to me. After a wonderful evening we went back to our hotel and just enjoyed being in each other's arms. Before I knew it, I was telling him that I loved him. After I said it, I told him he didn't have to say a word. He started kissing me very passionately and then I looked at him and said, "you can at least say that you like me a whole lot." He had tears in his eyes and said he does't want to lose his kids. He is very scared of that. I told him not to worry, I would never do anything to hurt him or his children. He just held me and finally he said, "you KNOW that I love you." It was a very uncomfortable moment for us but it was said and I know that we both meant it. We really haven't said it since...that was about a month ago. I feel there is no need to say it over and over. We both know how we feel. He always says, I love your hair, I love the way to do this or that, I love your eyes, etc. I know that is his way of telling me that he loves me without the scary feelings that go with it.
Lyubimaya Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 I don't believe the words even need to be said. If it's love, you should be able to feel it anyway. Kinda like that one 80's song. . . . lol
Malifecent Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 My mm tells me that he loves me everyday, and I really do believe him, and love him back and tell him so. It still makes me tingly to hear the words but I have come to the point where everytime he says if I want to say...."Prove it, leave your wife so we can be together" LOL I don't think this will go over well though so I will just stick to " I love you too" for now.
lostinthewoods Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 We said it a lot but not at first and once we said it we wrote it everytime we emailed or wrote each other letters. It was almost expected to say it everytime and I think it got watered down a bit. If you feel what you say, I don't think it can ever get "watered down a bit". At least that is my experience.
Author nosybear819 Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 That fact that you're unsure of how he would react tells me that perhaps you don't know him well enough. When I said it'd add wierdness to the relationship I meant for me because I'm not really the kind of person to share feelings and it's a tough thing for me to do. Whenever we have a "heart to heart" I feel all crappy and vulnerable so I feel like if I breakdown and drop the L-bomb it'll make me an emotional monster, you know? But ohmigoodness! Last night I had a crazy dream about it. I dreamt that we were hanging out, you know, and I said something jokingly like "ha ha ha whatever you know you love me" and his face got all serious and he looked at me in the eyes and said " I do love you" so I kinda was like ok but he said "I'm serious I do" then I got all serious and said " I love you too" and he said " You don't love me - I love you but you don't know what love is" Then he asked me why do I love him so I told him and then he said "Oh, you do love me" So clearly I am making myself crazy. I think it'd be better left unsaid but damnit!! It's been on my mind so much I'm having psycho dreams about it. By the way MrTerrible I don't know any other MM here or maybe I've overlooked them but I think it's nice that you're putting yourself out there and talking about it like us OW here.
LimboSapien Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 It's easy for others to slam us, and I too have been looking for sometime for a place to correspond with people in my situation (OW-MM). This is not the thing I freely discuss with my friends and family..... I agree!...ya this is a great board..Ive been lurking quite a bit now and its been amusing to say the least..its great because it almost glamourises the whole thing making me feel less guilty ..although guilty to whom?? the bible?? pah! Im sure we all have skeletons in our closets and thats including the wives or husbands that are being cheated on; but I digress, ..I too am an OW; to a man 22 yrs my senior and we tell eachother 'i love you' all the time..and quite comfortably...the first time it was said was by him as I was leaving his car he just simply said it..I wasn't shocked or wanting to cry tears of joy or some such dramatic thing..I simply smiled and said it back, because I meant it..no awkwardness or discomfort; I often wonder if its because of our age difference..sometimes I see him as a father figure (*enter obvious psychology references HERE*.. ) and I as a daughter; creepy as that sounds its textbook stuff; and so back to the point...say I love you!!! if you mean it, it shouldn't sound or feel awkward..it should be just as natural as the actual feeling it part ...although, did I mention my MM is an oversensitive softy who says "I love you" freely to his 2 older sons at the end of all phone conversations and the like?
erika2610 Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 I agree!...ya this is a great board..Ive been lurking quite a bit now and its been amusing to say the least..its great because it almost glamourises the whole thing making me feel less guilty ..although guilty to whom?? the bible?? pah! Im sure we all have skeletons in our closets and thats including the wives or husbands that are being cheated on; but I digress, ..I too am an OW; to a man 22 yrs my senior and we tell eachother 'i love you' all the time..and quite comfortably...the first time it was said was by him as I was leaving his car he just simply said it..I wasn't shocked or wanting to cry tears of joy or some such dramatic thing..I simply smiled and said it back, because I meant it..no awkwardness or discomfort; I often wonder if its because of our age difference..sometimes I see him as a father figure (*enter obvious psychology references HERE*.. ) and I as a daughter; creepy as that sounds its textbook stuff; and so back to the point...say I love you!!! if you mean it, it shouldn't sound or feel awkward..it should be just as natural as the actual feeling it part ...although, did I mention my MM is an oversensitive softy who says "I love you" freely to his 2 older sons at the end of all phone conversations and the like? Amusing? Glamourizing? I really haven't read anything to amusing.. just most girls trying to get over the pain, or agonizing about falling in love with a MM. Seen nothing glamourizing or amusing really..
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