Jellostick Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 My ex and I were supposed to go to California together at the end of October. Unfortunately, a week before we were supposed to go she broke up w/ me. There were two choices for what to do w/ the ticket. One was if she didn't use it then it would just go to waste or the other was it could be cancelled and she has up until a year to redeem it but will need to pay a $100 cancellation fee. She wanted me to cancel it so it wouldn't go to waste and so I did. Now, she knows she owes me $225 for the ticket. I have a confirmation number for her and a phone number she needs to call to redeem the ticket. The last time I spoke to her was last week on Saturday when she told me she didn't want me contacting her anymore 'cause she needed space and though it's been hard, I haven't contacted her. The last contact came after we hung up and I left her a voicemail message and then a text message asking her to please give back any shirts she has of mine as well as a check for $225 and leave them on my mailbox when she had a chance. She never got back to me that weekend and I'm going to assume she just ignored those messages. When I got back from lunch this past Monday at work, she sent me an email w/ the following message: Hey, Can you please send me the confirmation number to my work address? I would like it check it out on line. Thanks I never got back to her for two reasons. One reason was that she wanted space and didn't want me to contact her and frankly, I realized I needed space too because it just wasn't healthy what I was doing. The second reason I didn't contact her was because she's asking for information that she owes me $225 for. She hasn't contacted me since and I haven't contacted her as well. She knows she owes me money for the confirmation number so either she doesn't trust me that I have it or she just doesn't want to pay me what she owes me. I can look further into it and say she contacted me on Monday 'cause she wanted some kind of response. I hate the fact that money has now become an issue in this breakup but unfortunately it has. I'm seriously trying to be civil w/ her because I still care about her and she really was a great friend, not just a great girlfriend but she's making things very difficult and I wish she didn't bring things to this point and just be civil w/ me like I'm trying to be. What would you do and why? Has any had a similar situation? This is just making things more difficult, I think. Cheers.
heartnsoul Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 I'm a wee bit confused. You cancelled the ticket for a $100 fee which allows her to reschedule for future travel? Is the 225 including the cancellation or??? If it's $100 bucks to you, I would just eat it. It's not worth the turmoil...especially if she's gonna act the way she is towards you. I was stuck with a money issue with my ex from a couple months ago and like you, it was a couple hundred dollars. I had to 'let it go' because money is very much replaceable where as your dignity and self respect are not. This money situation will be the burden on conscience for her to carry. If she's anykind of human being with anykind of sense, it will get to her eventually. Sounds as if the break up is pretty fresh. Let the dust settle....write the money off and see what unfolds. Just my 2 cents. Good luck
magda Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 Well, you have to be careful not to sound spiteful, because that would be lame. But you might say something like, "Look, no offense, but considering the turn our relationship has taken, I'd like you to pay me for the ticket before I give it to you. Are you able to do this now?" If she doesn't pay you will you be able to transfer the ticket to someone elses name?
Author Jellostick Posted November 13, 2005 Author Posted November 13, 2005 Cancelling the ticket for that flight allows you to use it toward another flight up to a year from when you originally purchased the ticket. I paid for the ticket and it cost me $225 but since the ticket is in her name, she's the only one that can redeem it. Unfortunately, when you redeem a cancelled ticket, they will charge you $100 for a cancellation fee which she'll pay them, not me so she only owes me $225 but will end up paying $325 altogether. If I had to choose what's more important to me, her or the money? She would be 'cause I still care about her but if the roles were reversed, I would have paid her the money and then ask for the information. I'm really not trying to be bitter, I'm just trying to be fair. I really hate that it has come to this but I don't want to be selfish but it seems that she has already had the jump on me in that area. Like I said, if it was the other way around I would pay her what she's due but she seems to have forgotten that she owes me money. Unfortunately, this subject has made me think about her and considering breaking NC to discuss it but I've gone this long, why do that? I guess I'm thinking I'm ticking her off more by not giving her what she's asked for. Thank you for your input, heartnsoul. Cheers.
magda Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 I think this is kind of a subconscious excuse to break No Contact and piss her off.
Author Jellostick Posted November 13, 2005 Author Posted November 13, 2005 Well, you have to be careful not to sound spiteful, because that would be lame. But you might say something like, "Look, no offense, but considering the turn our relationship has taken, I'd like you to pay me for the ticket before I give it to you. Are you able to do this now?" If she doesn't pay you will you be able to transfer the ticket to someone elses name? I actually thought about writing some response back to her when she asked me for the info on Monday, similar to what you suggest, magda. I didn't know how to put it and eventually said to myself that she wanted space, she told me not to contact her so I'm going to do that and never responded to her email. But yes, I did thought about how I could tell her she owed me money w/out her being ticked off by my reply which she's just been mean to me and I'd guess she would have hated any response I would have given her. As far as the ticket goes, I was actually trying to find someone to go to California w/ me but when I called up the airline, they told me since I bought the ticket for her, since her name is on the ticket she's the only one that can use it. You cannot take someone's name off of an airline ticket and I don't know if that's how it always was or since 9/11 but pretty much the ticket is hers. Cheers.
Author Jellostick Posted November 13, 2005 Author Posted November 13, 2005 I think this is kind of a subconscious excuse to break No Contact and piss her off. So you're saying I should continue to not contact her or should I give her what she wants? Cheers.
magda Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 Oh, that's up to you. I wouldn't just *give* it to her, but that's me. Go either way, just be aware of whatever secret motives you might have. You might just wait a couple weeks or a month and then revisit the matter when you have less emotion tied to it.
heartnsoul Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 OK, I scanned over her request for the information. How long has it been since the break up? I think these are special circumstances here. I understand the concept behind NC However, seeing as only SHE can redeem this ticket, it's essentially money in the fire place for you. Can YOU live with that? You almost have to force yourself to look at this thru a business transaction stand point. This money has nothing to do with the break up. Either you can live w/out the money and heal your broken heart in peace OR you need the money and pursue the matter further. Do you NEED to sever this tie with her? I guess my point is....you need to do whatever you can live with. Depending on your answer.....forward the information requested or let it go.
Author Jellostick Posted November 13, 2005 Author Posted November 13, 2005 How long has it been since the break up?We broke up on October 20th. Have I given her space since the breakup? No, I'll admit I haven't. Has she given me space? Mostly but there was one night she called me up drunk and rambling on about us and marriage and stuff. This is the first time since the breakup that I've kept myself from contacting her and it's been over a week now. Now, my real reason for not responding to her email was because she asked for space and I'm giving it to her. Am I being stubborn? Sure I am but so is she. Yeah, I hate playing games and everyone says they hate playing them too but you end up doing them anyway. I don't want to just give her the information because she owes me money for it. Now, you're asking how important the money is to me, heartnsoul and I gotta tell you that yes, it means something to me. If I didn't care then I would just write it off but I'm being honest to you guys and telling you that the money matters. She said that the last month of our relationship was that great 'cause I didn't seem happy. I know I wasn't that happy because I was stressed out over planning this trip which wasn't planned well. I bought the tickets but as far as money is concerned, I jacked up my credit card for them. Once again, it was a spur of a moment thing, we decided to go, bought tickets but I didn't think about and issues that would come up like money issues. That's why I would like the money for the info. Can I live w/out the money? Yes, I guess I could but she has asked me twice for this information since I've been back and so I guess it's more important to her to get that info than the money is to me. Frankly, I don't know why she wants it this badly. I don't think she's going anywhere anytime soon and she has up until a year to use it. She asked me to give her space and not contact her so I was a little weirded out that she would contact me about it two days later when I wouldn't think it's that big of a deal. Also, in her email she's asking me for it to look up online which I don't know where she got that info from 'cause I told her I have a confirmation number and she needs to call a number I have for her to redeem the ticket. Either she wasn't listening to me when I told her this or I don't know what. Cheers.
magda Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 The way you told your story in the first post made it sound like *you* brought up the tickets by sending the text and voicemail asking for your shirts and the money. If she is the one that brought it up then I guess I take back what I said about your ulterior motives. I would email her explaining how it works again and then say that once she pays you you'll give the number. gluck
Author Jellostick Posted November 13, 2005 Author Posted November 13, 2005 The way you told your story in the first post made it sound like *you* brought up the tickets by sending the text and voicemail asking for your shirts and the money. If she is the one that brought it up then I guess I take back what I said about your ulterior motives. I would email her explaining how it works again and then say that once she pays you you'll give the number. gluck She picked me up from the trainstation when I came home, dropped me off at my place and brought up the ticket. I told her the info was at work and I'd get it to her under the assumption she was going to still pay me. When we last talked, the ticket never came up. The conversation was about me leaving her alone and giving her space. For 45 minutes that's pretty much all that was discussed during the conversation. After we hung up w/ each other, I called her back to remind her that she was shirts of mine and owes me money. I knew she wasn't going to pick up the phone so I left her a voicemail and about 20 minutes later I sent her a text message about leaving them on my mailbox. By her emailing on Monday asking me to give her the info, I assumed she just ignored or deleted w/out reading/hearing the messages I last sent her. I initially thought that perhaps she emailed me 'cause she wanted to get a response out of me. I guess I was hoping that was the case 'cause then she'd look like she cared, at least. I was actually going to compose an email to send to her to break NC but I don't know if I should or not. I was going to mention the ticket but also say other crap like I still care or whatever. I'm being an idiot and I hate this feeling. I guess that's why I'm here, huh? Cheers.
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