Help!!!!

[williamswood]

Me and my bf got together just under a year ago. We had some good times until recently when we started having a few arguments. Too briefly outline it one night we had a drunken argument and split up. I was upset and ended up going home with a ex from a few years before. THis is something I deeply regret.

 

A few days later me and my bf decided to give things another go, but I felt really guilty for what I'd done so I decided to tell him. That was about 2 months ago, he didn't take it well but said that he loved me to much to end things and that we could get through it.

 

That was until last weekend, we had another argument last weekend and he decided that he needed space to work out whether he still wanted to be with me. Since then we have spoke / text regularly but generally me initiating the contact first. He has told me everyday that he still loves me but needs time. I need some advice, what should I do? Should I contact him or leave him nad wait? Its so difficult, if anyone has any thoughts / comments please let me know. I love him so much and need him in my life.

[SMHappyface]

Allow him his space, but don't back out totally - think of one text message a week. He knows how to contact you, and he's the one hurting.

[J dub]

Hi williamswood,

 

I have found thru my own transgressions that men fall deeper in love with you in the space that you give them. When you keep yourself busy with your own life and dont allow it to revolve around them, they appreciate that of you and its an attractive aspect in their eyes.

 

Since he asked you for time, your situation at this point is quite simple: let him be, let him contact you mostly (you dont want to be a nag, regardless of whether or not you see it that way if you are texting/calling all the time he is going to wonder when youre gonna lay off) - although its ok to let him know youre not upset with him and youre ok with him taking his time (ironically this usually speeds up the process, by encouraging the "time", reverse pyschology or something).

 

Obviously you know him better than all of us, but I am willing to bet that if you leave him alone he will be quite appreciative of it. He needs time to think and mull over the situation and the best you can do right now is give that to him w/o any ties. Busy yourself with a new hobby, go out w/ the girls, keep your mind off of this in the mean time. Also, please dont fear that he is going to "forget" you or some such (I have read that a few times on LS before and it baffles me) because he clearly loves you and if anything, will only love you more when you allow him to miss you. Plus, when you keep quiet you'll make him wonder what youre up to...mystery is so intriguing

 

Someone asking for space/time is usually not a good sign, but at this point your best bet is to play your cards carefully so as to not scare him away. He's scared of something and by being too demanding of him will discourage him to come back to you.

 

Good luck, let us know what comes of all this...

[williamswood]

Hi Jdub,

 

Thanks for your reply I know what you are saying is probably right and he needs spce so I gotta just give him that. Its just so difficult cos I miss him so much!!! But I've done well so far todt, haven't contacted him an I'm not going to. As SM happyface said I may allow one text a week, thats going to be difficult.

 

Thanks for your advice, I just hope that it works in the long run and he comes back to me!!!

[williamswood]

Well I took the advise that was offered to me here, after Sunday I didn't text him. It was really difficult but I told myself that I had to do that!

 

Any monday went past and nothing, then last night he text me saying that although he needs time he still wants us to carry on texting and that he stilll loves me. I said to him that I would carry on texting, and have just text him and we had a chatty exchange, nothing was mentioned about our relationship. Now I feel worse, I've not gotta wait for him to text me tomorrow / or the next day and thats gonna be so hard. I know I shouldn't of text him but I said I would and couldn't go back on it!!

 

This is so dificult, has anyone been in this situatuin, how nuch time did your over half take and what was the result. I just feel totally in limbo at the moment and waiting.

 

Any comments would be gratefully appreciated!!

[AriaIncognito]

I think you'd be better off cutting the ties right now and going with NC. I'm a few weeks into "a break" which I'm pretty much decided is a break up (initiated by me, but very painful nonetheless...read my thread on "On a break...need an opinion" if you'd like to know more). Anyway, I've noticed that the more I wish he was contacting me, the more I check my phone for text messages or my inbox for emails, the worse I feel. if I dont think about that, and I continue not talking to him, it doesn't hurt as badly. Of course, it still hurts, but I'm not crying every day or wishing he were still mine every second of the day.

 

Give it a break. Go with NC. If it's meant to be, you'll find your way back to eachother, no doubt. If not, well then eventually, you'll find the one that you're meant to be with. I too am hoping for that for myself.

 

Jennifer

[williamswood]

This just doesn't seem to keep any better and I am getting more depressed and upset. Did the NC thing until he contacted me and we spoke on the phone saturday, arranged to go out in the week. I phoned him laster after speaking to him out in local pub!! and he just said he doesn't know what to do anymore. He couldn't speak to me yesterday, I did stupid thing. Been to doctors today got anti depressants and can't go to work. Trying to do NC again, but what if he contacts me?

Any advice would be gratefully received!

[Outcast]

Turn all your phones to voicemail and if he leaves a message, delete it. Delete emails and don't answer IMs. And find ways to occupy yourself that don't include thinking about him 24/7.