The Last Letter

[SMHappyface]

Hummm... How would I write a letter to my ex's new girlfriend - the girl he cheated on me with?

 

Dear Y -

 

When I first met you, I hated you. Only another woman can sense another's woman's desire for her man. It was competition from the first, but you played dirty. When I found out the truth, I hated you. I wondered if there was a way I could've prevented you and C from doing this, but then I realized, I am not responsible and I cannot control another person's actions. After weeks of quality time thinking alone, I have decided that I actually should be thanking you. And that in reality you are my savior! In the dating world we commonly use the analogy of fishing, and your position is a bottom-feeder. You feed off the disgusting, low-life and help keep the oceans clean of trash. By doing what you did, you brought to light my ex-fiance's low-life actions and took him away from me; saved me. If you weren't in the picture, it wouldn't have saved him from cheating because he's done it before and he'll probably do it again. It just blew the top off his alter-reality and saved my life. I owe my life to you. Women like you are hated by other women, but you should be loved - you are the type of test that all jerks fail and all true men pass, separating the crap from the gold. Thanks for doing that. I love you.

[Leilao1]

I wish people would stay friends after the relationships end - maybe friends with benefits. I wish it would ran its course, and it almost never happens that way or maybe it does, people just have hard time letting go on pain and suffering - good things usually don't end. You must be a very interesting person. Nice letter.

[AltplanB]

I think i might actually send this one too her:

Tell me what you think.

 

Dear L,

 

I am writing to you for closure. I know its best not to keep contact and I don’t expect you to respond but I just have some things that I need to tell you. So really this letter is more for me. I just want you to know some of the things that I feel about our relationship and how everything transpired. I won't bore you with reciting memories. That's pedantic and infantile. But there are some things that I would like you to know.

 

Maybe it's too much to say that from the first moment I laid eyes on you, I knew my life would never be the same. I loved everything about you from the moment I met you. It wasn’t until 4 months later that I knew I was in love with you. Basking in the light of your beauty was a glory that cannot be equaled. I thought you felt the same about me, but I now believe that your initial connection to me was based on infatuation. I must of made this feeling stronger and kept it alive by supporting you through such turmoil in your life. I am so sorry that your father passed away and I still wish that I could bring him back for you. I know that I chose to be there for you, and I would do so again.

 

I am sorry that I couldn’t be the man that you wanted. I was blind to what was happening and I wish every minute of everyday I could go back and fix some of the mistakes that I made. One of the things that I wish I had done was have you go to Sonoma with me. I believe that things would have been different but I also know that this has nothing to do with your feelings towards leaving. I wish that I had recognized some of the things that were bothering you about me and made changes early on. Because I didn’t communicate properly, these problems festered and tore at your feelings for me. My love for you blinded me to the fact that something’s needed attention or the relationship would end.

 

I also understand that now that you have some very depressing memories behind you and you’re ready for fun. I’m sorry that I would have been a restraint on that. I hope that you have fun everyday and that no one mistreats you. You deserve so much L and I know that you will meet someone that will fulfill all your dreams and I hope he treats you like the dream girl you are. I realized that we would not get back together when you stopped trying to convince me why this was happening. I wish I could be the person you could love again. However, I was raised this way and I am working on changing.

 

I thought that I could become the person that you would want, but I went about it the wrong way. Now I am doing it the right way. I have discovered that I like writing. I started a journal and the next thing I knew, I was writing a book. I can’t stop working on it. I sit everywhere and write. My friends call me Tolsky. Anyway, I am also sailing for the !@#$ Crew out of @#$ Yacht Club, which is really exciting. I also got accepted to be on the SSU boxing team, but I am still interested in getting back into crew as long as my back holds out.

 

I believed for the longest time that I could solve any problem that you or I had. What I didn’t realize were the problems that I couldn’t see developing between you and me. To me, it just felt like I was helping you through things because I cared for you and that it would show how much I loved you. What I didn’t see was I becoming one of the problems. More importantly, I didn’t know that it wasn’t fixable unless we split up. I should not of made you the main aspect of my life. You were just such a positive part of my life when everything else didn’t matter and that isn’t supposed to be how things are. I didn’t think that we were arguing at all but rather working out differences. I didn’t realize that couples our age shouldn’t be having those kinds of issues.

 

I went through a lot of powerful emotions that I am sorry that I laid on you when we broke up. As of now I have better days and worse days. I wake up with you on my mind no matter where I am. I go through the day thinking what you are doing and missing you every moment. It’s really hard sometimes… But other times I realize that your happy and it lightens my day. I won’t lie to you, I still hope for a day when you will think about us again and think about giving it another chance. It’s a hope that drives me insane because I love you. I know that I don’t need you, only because you don’t need me. For a while, I felt like you had used me for emotional support until you were ready to be alone but then I figured out that you had made a very conscious and rational choice.

 

I have come to realize now that the feelings of love I had for you are unique. I honestly do not know if I could ever hope to swim in such gentle seas again, such was the intensity and passion of our embrace. I remember when I ran from my car after parking so that I could see you only have you running out to see me. It was the greatest feeling in the world. Those moments are as vivid as ever in my mind and I hope that you still feel them as part of a happy memory. I know that I was not your first love and that you know how to move on. I also know that it takes a lot for me to fall in love, and that the feelings are so much stronger because of it. I won’t say that I need you anymore, just that I will always be willing to take you back, no matter what has happened. I say this because I know the real you; the strengths and vulnerabilities that make you, you. I know you and I love everything about you. I’m sorry; it’s just the way it is. You once told me that you couldn’t stand it unless you are utterly and truly in love. Well this is me being in utter love with you. Even with all the pain and confusion, time has only proved to me that I love you more than anything.

 

Immediately after the break up, you told me that I would move on, and that I would have other woman that would help me do that. Well I can tell you now, that they have only reminded me that I was not in love with you for your body or your face, but for you. The relationship that we had may not of been perfect at times, but I did see perfection in what we had and what we could be. It was foolish of me to think that it could actually last. But I think it is foolish of you to think that it could never be again. I remember talking to you about it and agreeing that we wished that we were older. I look back on those times and see the irony of it actually happening.

 

In the end, we had a lot of fun. I know its over and that it would take a lot for things to go back to the way they were, so I will try not to think about it. I would love to hear from you when you think we are both ready. Until then, remember one thing above all else about us. Remember we shared a bond that lasted through some very troubling times in both our lives, and that I would do it all over again. I hope this is not my last helping of L.

 

Love,

G

[Bogun]

Here's a tip altplan. DO NOT SEND THE LETTER!. Wait a week, even better wait a couple of months until you are over the break up. Then read the letter to yourself and then decide. You wrote some nice things, but exes dont want to hear that crap. They want to get on with their lives, and getting an emotional letter like this will just make you look like a sad loser, and they will just feel sorry for you. As I read on this site somewhere, grow a set, have some dignity and dont send the letter.

[AltplanB]

I just want her to know how i feel. But i also want her not to forget about me. She is so nice even when she tells me it she doesn't see us getting back together. Its really hard to believe that after all we've been through, that she could just up and leave with no regrets. I don't feel like i was another notch on the boyfriend belt. I want to give her this and put the ball in her court. No guilt, no anguish, just rememberance of love. Its impossible for me to think that she doesn't question her decision, i mean i was always nice and always there for her and always ready to help her through everything. She knows this and i think that it weighs on her. I just hope that she hasn't really thrown me out of her mind. Comments?

[Bogun]

Alt its obvious that you havent had enough time to yourself to get over this. Ex's usually say things just after you break up which give you hope that you will get back together. Don't get confused by these things, as it will only slow the healing process.

 

It seems that your intentions in sending the letter are to try and get back together, but it will most likely push her further away. So just wait till your over the break up, and then send it.

And don't worry she won't forget about you.

[brashgal]

Hummm... How would I write a letter to my ex's new girlfriend - the girl he cheated on me with?

 

Dear Y -

 

When I first met you, I hated you. Only another woman can sense another's woman's desire for her man. It was competition from the first, but you played dirty. When I found out the truth, I hated you. I wondered if there was a way I could've prevented you and C from doing this, but then I realized, I am not responsible and I cannot control another person's actions. After weeks of quality time thinking alone, I have decided that I actually should be thanking you. And that in reality you are my savior! In the dating world we commonly use the analogy of fishing, and your position is a bottom-feeder. You feed off the disgusting, low-life and help keep the oceans clean of trash. By doing what you did, you brought to light my ex-fiance's low-life actions and took him away from me; saved me. If you weren't in the picture, it wouldn't have saved him from cheating because he's done it before and he'll probably do it again. It just blew the top off his alter-reality and saved my life. I owe my life to you. Women like you are hated by other women, but you should be loved - you are the type of test that all jerks fail and all true men pass, separating the crap from the gold. Thanks for doing that. I love you.

 

OOOh - I love this!

[Trimmer]

SMHappyface[/b]]Women like you are hated by other women, but you should be loved - you are the type of test that all jerks fail and all true men pass, separating the crap from the gold.

 

This sentence alone is worth the price of admission... Makes me look at my STBX's OM in a whole different light... :laugh:

[AltplanB]

Told her i wrote her a letter but id wait to send it. Im just gonna keep writing letters with my new thoughts and opinions on the whole thing. I just wont send them. I hate her for what she has done to me and that is final. I can't get her back, so i wont try anymore. She took my friends so i they werent truly my friends. She did all of this with a smile and "cheer up!" attitude that just killed me. Wolf in sheeps clothing. Im going NC. I have no chance anyway. Game over.

[Walk]

Dear S.

 

It tore my heart open when you wanted me to follow your dreams. You never realized you asked me to cast mine away. You wanted so desperately to be the hero, the knight in shiny armor, but I just wanted you. The man I fell in love with.

 

For years and years, I thought I was selfish. Inconsiderate of your dreams and goals. And it took me a long time to realize that your dreams never considered how I would feel in all this. You cloaked them in words of us. Wore my resistance down with week long conversations. But you never once asked how I felt about it. What I wanted. Those were cast to the wind, set adrift in a fairy tale of how much you did for me.

 

I wanted you to hear me. Yet you never had time. I wanted you to want me to be happy, as much as I wanted you to be happy. But you were never happy unless you got what you wanted. You were a good person. But somewhere along the years, you forgot what was important. You assumed I would always, willingly, be your support, and that I had unbounded reserves to draw from.

 

We were one for so long, it was hard for me to leave. You thought I was wrong when I said we had to change or we would die. You thought I was being foolish, a 'woman'. But I saw what you refused to. I begged you. I crawled to you on my knee's to ask you to put me somewhere in your list. Not even first. Remember? While you sat on the couch, and I kneeled before you. I asked you, one last time, to take me into consideration, I didn't have to be first, I was fine with second.. but not last. Please not last. Do you remember your response? You said, you had too much to lose. And then you said you were tired, and walked away, leaving me kneeling there on the hard wood floor, alone.

 

Everything I ever believed in was shattered, and broken. I thought I lost the everything when I left you. But what I gained is immesurable. My dignity, my self-worth, my belief in who I am. I have forgiven you for what you did.

[cynicalnlove]

I'm reading through all these letters; and it makes me so sad to see how one could be in such tremedous pain for the sake of love. All of the betrayal, all of the lost hopes and dreams wonder if there would be someone to replace such intense emotions.

[CaliGuy]

I feel your pain, I've been where you are as well and it sucks. As one guy here said "Writing is cathartic", pour your heart out, heal and move on. You deserve better.

[slubberdegullion]

Hi C_____;

 

I sincerely apologize for the delay. I haven't been feeling well the last few days and as a result can't really think straight.

 

The more I think about "us," the more confuddled I get. Is that strange? It is to me.

 

But enough with the introspection and associated confusion. I've done enough of that for three lifetimes, and I'm no better off than I was before I started.

 

So, to cut to the chase, I simply don't feel "whole" enough to get involved in a serious, committed relationship. I don't mean with just you, I mean with anyone. I have been wounded, and I thought that maybe, just maybe, I had healed enough to be able, and worthy, of giving and receiving love. Not the type of love that scampers to the bedroom at every possible chance; not the type of love that is more of a friendship than an intimate partner; not the type of love that remains distant. I mean the type of love that encompasses an entire being, from mind to body, from soul to soul, from the simmering glances to the glories of sexual congress.

 

But I was wrong.

 

The closer I came to you emotionally, the more the scars opened, the more fear I felt, the more darkness gathered. None of it was your doing, of course; it was simply a function of my history and my present situation.

 

It is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You have all the attributes that a quality man admires: intelligence, an excellent conversationalist, warm and inviting, a good mom, extraordinarily attractive, wonderfully sensual and a dynamo between the sheets.

 

I thought I was ready. I thought I had prepared myself. I think I may even have told you that, and I know I made allusions to the potential of a strong, powerful relationship between us.

 

But I just cannot do this right now. And for that, I am truly and agonizingly sorry.

 

S

[lindya]

I thought I was ready. I thought I had prepared myself. I think I may even have told you that, and I know I made allusions to the potential of a strong, powerful relationship between us.

 

But I just cannot do this right now. And for that, I am truly and agonizingly sorry.

 

S

 

That sounds like a fair letter, slub. Ideally, you'd discuss these things in a face to face conversation that allows the other person some chance to respond...but then again, a letter is something that someone can keep - and read properly once they're in a better position to take in what's being said.

[WeaknPowerless]

I just flipped through all my letters and they vary quite significantly from pitiful begging to complete disgust. Is this true for everyone else? Are just the poetic, remorseful letters being posted?

[Czechvar]

Dear ___,

I've passed the point of expecting an apology from you. You who has spent the past ___ years blaming me for your pain. Me, who has always buckled, apologized, and agreed that I have wronged.

I may have moved, but I did it for my education, I did it for my growth - not because I hated you. Not because I wanted to leave you.

It hurt me too.

It was the most difficult decision I had ever made, but I did it.

I did it for me.

I've come to realize that you will never accept this.

I left you behind. I left you all alone.

Despite the fact that you had a good job lined up here, despite the fact that you had a place to live...

Despite the fact that you were jobless and couch-jumping back home.

I left poor, helpess you - all alone.

With nobody to hold.

With nobody to whisper sweet-nothings to.

Were you so miserably depressed that you forgot you still had a girlfriend? Were you so blinded by your own loneliness that you couldn't see that I was lonely too?

Me, who was born and raised in the same small town, who in her 20 years of existance lived in the same house. . .

Now, half way across the country

In a strange state

In a strange city

In a strange school.

I left my friends

I left my family

I left my job

I left my pets

I left my home

I left everything that I had ever known.

And yes, I left **you**

But not JUST you

Will you ever see this?

Probably not.

 

Why couldn't you just be honest? My heart was prepared for the worst when I came home . . . I knew . . . but it was amazing, being near you again, and you broke down those walls. I dismissed my previous uncertanty as fear of the unknown, the unusual. I believed you.

 

You actually had the audacity to look me in the eyes . . . the same eyes you'd been looking into since you were a dumbly in-love kid . . . and tell me that you were faithfull.

I believed you because I wanted to.

I believed you because it felt wonderful to be lay next to you,

to be held

to hold you

to be loved

to love you.

And you KNEW, but were too cowardly to say.

Why, because you were so happy to "have me" again? Because you were too selfishly frightened to "lose me"?

God, I'd love to know what was going through your head, as you lay next me - and I gave you my entire heart - while she called you. While she came by the house, looking for you... but instead saw "us"...and you KNEW, but said nothing. It's so odd, being absolutely revolted by the actions of someone you love.

 

And now, we are over. I mustered up enough strength to say goodbye. And when I said goodbye, I meant it. So please, let me go. Please stop trying to get ahold of me. You will only cause me more grief, and I will only cause you more pain.

 

Let me go.

 

I write this for myself. I know that I will never send this. I know that you will never read this. You'll never hear any of this from me. I've spent far too much of my life providing you with emotional, poetic explantions in desperate hope that you'd give me something in return. But you never have, and I certainly don't expect you to change now.

 

I know, it will always be "my fault".

I hurt you.

So hate me. Hate me if it helps you heal. Hate me if it helps you build a shield around your heart.

Hate me.

I just hope that someday - hopefully before you overload your heart with anger and blame, hopefully before you take on your family tradition of drug addiction -

that you look back on this relationship and realize that you really hurt me.

 

I hope that someday you can forgive me for leaving,

and I hope that someday you can forgive yourself.

 

You are an incredible person. You are truly amazing.

 

I want you to be happy.

I want you to be successful.

 

And maybe, if I don't speak with you, I can pretend that you are. And maybe, if you don't speak with me - you will be.

 

Goodbye _____.

 

With all the love in my heart,

 

-Me

[Lil'Lady]

Hummm... How would I write a letter to my ex's new girlfriend - the girl he cheated on me with?

 

Dear Y -

 

When I first met you, I hated you. Only another woman can sense another's woman's desire for her man. It was competition from the first, but you played dirty. When I found out the truth, I hated you. I wondered if there was a way I could've prevented you and C from doing this, but then I realized, I am not responsible and I cannot control another person's actions. After weeks of quality time thinking alone, I have decided that I actually should be thanking you. And that in reality you are my savior! In the dating world we commonly use the analogy of fishing, and your position is a bottom-feeder. You feed off the disgusting, low-life and help keep the oceans clean of trash. By doing what you did, you brought to light my ex-fiance's low-life actions and took him away from me; saved me. If you weren't in the picture, it wouldn't have saved him from cheating because he's done it before and he'll probably do it again. It just blew the top off his alter-reality and saved my life. I owe my life to you. Women like you are hated by other women, but you should be loved - you are the type of test that all jerks fail and all true men pass, separating the crap from the gold. Thanks for doing that. I love you.

 

Wow. I have to say - that is truly an amazing letter. I like the perspective you brought up. I agree completely.

[Xillr8ng]

WHERE YOU USED TO BE

 

 

Where you used to be

in this world,there is a hole.

Where you used to sleep,

a bed that's bitter cold.

 

Where you used to walk

there is a trail of your sweet smell.

Where you would talk,

I wish I'd listened to the stories you would tell.

 

Where you used to sit

on the couch and at the end.

I look to see you, my missing friend.

 

Why ....Oh why,

did I not realise then,

that you were unhappy and at your end?

 

Where you used to cry

was hidden from my eyes.

Stains remain with the evidence of your tries.

 

Where you used to be

for so long by my side.

So weak and full of anger each time you swallowed pride.

 

Why .....Oh why,

could I not simply see,

that soon I could not say "You & I,Us,or WE".

 

Where you used to be

I walk here every day.

My tears appear in every room,

I'm too tired to wipe them away.

 

Where you used to try

to get a any of my affection,

is where I ponder my wrongs and cry with each disection.

 

Why ....Oh why,

did I not hear,

your whispers for help in my ear?

 

Where you used to love,

is a man left in wait.

Can you ever love him again is the debate.

 

Where you used to wonder

if this man could ever change,

is not a question but a fact of this mind that's been rearanged.

 

.....And I am ashamed

that I promised to make you happy.

.....Happy is where you used to be,

and I failed you completely...

 

Where you used to be,

I would willingly beg to see.

the smallest chance for you to forgive me.

 

Where we used to talk

and held love for each other above all,

is where I hold the hope that one day you will call.

 

and my dream in this life

is to say sorry to my wife

and to mend things i've done both big and small.

 

And we can love once again

like we said, "to the end."

and I can remember when......

It's where we used to be.

 

 

never got a response....

[Madeleine]

How strange that i came across this thread, i was thinking just this morning about sending a letter to my (soon to be) ex husband -

 

To Mr ____

 

I won't apologise for the formal address, to be brutally honest, the mere mention of your christian name makes me shudder and i cannot bring myself to say it.

 

I fully accept that, bearing in mind your total lack of concern for, or interest in my emotional and physical wellbeing during our 20 year relationship, you wouldn't enquire as to my wellbeing since i mustered up the courage to leave you. However, i am writing to inform you that i am going to be just fine.

 

* I AM going to recover from the verbal and physical abuse you systematically subjected me to.

* I AM going to recover from the emotional torment and torture you inflicted on me every single day.

* I AM going to recover from the utter shame i feel stemming from the degrading sexual acts you made me carry out.

* I AM going to recover from the incredible guilt you made me feel for simply wanting to be happy.

* I KNOW i am not insane, as you so often told me.

 

I no longer care that you never once told me i looked nice.

I no longer care that, in 20 years, you never once took me out.

I no longer care that you never once said i made you happy.

I no longer care that you never once asked how i was feeling.

I no longer care that you took everything from me.

 

I am on the road to recovery and i am finally looking forward to a long and happy life.

 

I am able to sleep at night with a clear conscience, knowing full well that i tried my very hardest to make our marriage work and that i did everything in my power to make you happy.

 

Please do not contact me. I have no desire to see you, hear from you, or speak to you ever again.

 

Goodbye.

 

Madeleine.