unlovedagain Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 Hi All, My husband is nearly 40 and every Saturday night he sits in his shed drinking and watching music which is Rage which he gets up early every Saturday morning to tape. For those who dont know rage is a show which has the top50 songs on it. We never go out anywhere as we both work during the week and by Friday night he is exhausted but can get up at 6am on a Sat to tape rage, them comes to bed around 3-4 next morning drunk, then lounges around all Sunday on the couch watching telly. Is this normal for a man of his age to be watching this as i noticed that alot of the females in the music videos have practically nothing on. I mentioned to him that this bothered me when he watched it in the house, as no one else could watch telly on a Sat night, so he went and brought a tv and video for his shed and he goes out there and watches it. I try to talk to him but he tells me he has changed enough for me and is not going to change anymore. After 15 years of marriage am i being silly or is there something to worry about. He constantly perves on girls/ladies down the street when we drive along and go shopping etc.. If i notice and say anything he denies it and tells me off for looking at him. I now have to sit in the passenger seat with it forward so i cant look at him when we drive along. I want to go places on weekends and do things but he always has an excuse to get out of going. I dont want to live like this for the rest of my life, i know that much. Any advice appreciated Thanx
dunnowhattosay Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 WHi All, My husband is nearly 40 and every Saturday night he sits in his shed drinking and watching music which is Rage which he gets up early every Saturday morning to tape. For those who dont know rage is a show which has the top50 songs on it. We never go out anywhere as we both work during the week and by Friday night he is exhausted but can get up at 6am on a Sat to tape rage, them comes to bed around 3-4 next morning drunk, then lounges around all Sunday on the couch watching telly. Is this normal for a man of his age to be watching this as i noticed that alot of the females in the music videos have practically nothing on. I mentioned to him that this bothered me when he watched it in the house, as no one else could watch telly on a Sat night, so he went and brought a tv and video for his shed and he goes out there and watches it. I try to talk to him but he tells me he has changed enough for me and is not going to change anymore. After 15 years of marriage am i being silly or is there something to worry about. He constantly perves on girls/ladies down the street when we drive along and go shopping etc.. If i notice and say anything he denies it and tells me off for looking at him. I now have to sit in the passenger seat with it forward so i cant look at him when we drive along. I want to go places on weekends and do things but he always has an excuse to get out of going. I dont want to live like this for the rest of my life, i know that much. Any advice appreciated Thanx With most things its it usually isn't important what is normal. Determining what is normal helps a little bit to make sure you aren't completely going over the top or blowing something completely out of proportion. Usually the real question is what do you want to deal with? Some people would care less about the things you mentioned. Others would already be giving ultimatums with the hubby over these things. Does the average 40 year old male watch video programs? I would guess probably not. Does the average 40 year old male look when there are scantly clad ladies on tv. I would guess probably. Are there reasons for him keeping completely to himself? Is this the way things always were? Something cause this seperation? Is he completely dug in about not changing? Are you being silly? I don't know. If you want contact with your husband I would guess probably not. If it bothers you that you don't see your husband I would guess that isn't silly at all. Silly about your husband watching women? You probably won't most guys to completely stop looking. Then again you probably will find guys will tend to be more layed back about it. The comment about him not changing anymore certainly seems like a negative point of view on his part. Midlife crisis maybe? Is this the way it always was? It probably wont change if it has been this way for a long time. Every relationship has its quirks. Your comment at the end about not wanting to live your life like this seems to indicate there is probably other problems or things your are unhappy with. Maybe you should talk to a therapist work out what you really want to do. I know from my own perspective that I don't want life to pass me by. If the relationship is draining or adds nothing to your life,then you have to step back and give your life a good hard look.
dancm661 Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 he says he's changed enough for you? to me thats not love. If your man isnt commited to giving you the quality time you deserve and need then he obviously takes you for granted. Do you really want to be with someone that doesnt take you fro granted? Please don't tell me you sleep with this lazy fatass, I bet he thinks your a sure thing, a done deal. I would pack your bags, if he loves you and wants to be with you im sure he will change all you want him to, if not you dont need him.
Author unlovedagain Posted December 11, 2005 Author Posted December 11, 2005 Thanks for the replys. I tried to talking to him about maybe going for a drive every now and then but he says after working all week Saturdays are his day to unwind and he isnt going on a boring drive unless there is a theme park or something really exciting at the end of it cos we have seen everything there is to see around here. Every time i suggest something there is always an excuse. I went and saw a theripist and she gave me ideas to try which worked for awhile, he refused to go by the way. We did seperate for a few days, we discussed what we wanted etc and things were great for around 1 month but back to the ususal dull routine. I think the only reason he is staying with me is because he uses Carvajet. For those who dont know what that is it is a needle he puts in his penis to get an erection. Takes the fun out of sex for me cos as soon as i try to arouse him he runs off and says be back in a min cos he has to inject himself. He has been on this for a few years, but is that why he would stay with me cos other ladies wouldnt like it.
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