hbeezee Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 I am currently in love with the most wonderful woman that has ever graced my presence. We are also currently at Long Distant Status....I am recently divorced, and WELL over my EW... been emotionally gone for a few years before the divorce, so there is no coping for me. The problem is with this girl who shares my love. She was in a serious 2 year relationship. The guy started out wonderful, and then she begain to see thru his lies. He created a weakness in her. He would cause her to have anxiety attacs to the point where she went on medication. He would then play the "hero" and tell her that everything would be alright if she stayed with him. She began to believe that she couldnt live without him. This continued for almost the full second year, untill he went to far and hit her. Medication or not, a red flag went up and she left... for good! This happened 4 months before I met her. The night we met we talked for hours about past relationships. I disclosed everything in my life (because I never thought I would see her again... to me she is waaaay too good for me.) I told her the truth about my past because I too was in an dishonest relationship. She told me of the abuse her ex caused and of the problems she had. She felt like for the first time in her life she could tell a man her problems and he would listen... cuz thats what I do. Listen. Long story short... to my amazement, we fell deeply in love. More deep than anything either of us had felt in our lives ever. I am 28, and she's 26, so we kinda know from past relationships what we like and love... and it is each other. Here is where the problem comes in. It is currently a LDR. Due to business situations, I am in California and she is in Kansas. I have flown her out to see me and I have flown to see her. For a week at a time. Eventually, when I can, I will be with her for good. We both know we want to be together. She lives alone, and I we talk on the phone untill she falls asleep almost every night. We have racked up quite the phone bills talking all day... But, her living alone has brought up memories of how much she missed having someone around. She is haunted by the good and bad thoughts of her ex and how he treated her. She tells me how lonely she is... and not to worry, she isnt going to replace me, and is still in love with me. The problem is, she is having a hard time totally loving me with all her heart (and she confesses this to me)... due to her anger and frustration at her ex. The distance and time between us is what caused it to surface again. When we were together a month ago, you couldnt tear us apart. We are PERFECT! Only in romance novels do you find such a perfect match... however due to my absence, she is having a really hard time. Only lately have I gotten her to open up to me. For a while she had a difficulty trusting me due to the dishonesty of her ex. She has gotten over that now... but she is so lonely. She hates talking to me about it because it makes her feel stupid telling the man she loves about an ex. I try to tell her that its alright... and I am always here to listen... and never judge. She is just having a hard time getting rid of this guy... at least as long as I am away. She constaly looks at pictures of them, and has the jewelry he gave her (pretty expensive, but he bought it with drug money.......... nice guy huh?!) She hates the fact that she cant seem to part with it. She HATES the guy with a passion... but misses the togetherness that they shared. Not him, just having someone there. This is her first LDR by the way. I am surprising her next week for thanksgiving... showing up a week before and staying through the holiday. I know she will be excited, all her friends tell me how much she misses me. My question is this: How do I help her deal with this situation? How do I help her move on. I know this could be catagorized as a rebound, but these issues didnt surface untill I had to leave. I have left before, but not for this long. How do I get her to talk to me about it more to get the feelings out in the open instead of bottling them up. I dont want to loose her, and I dont think I will... but she is so miserable! She desperatly wants to love me fully, but the thoughts of that a**h*** are getting in the way. Any ideas? During the days we talk about the future and the wonderful things we are going to do when we are together again. But when the sun goes down, things change. She gets lonely. The last thing I want to have happen is her loneliness to take over to where she doesnt want to be with me and wants sonmeone physically there... in which case, I have no chance because I cant be with her always right now... HELP?!??!
Author hbeezee Posted November 13, 2005 Author Posted November 13, 2005 I posted this in 3 different areas because I wanted it to be seen by people in different forums... sorry. Didnt really know where to post it...? Cuz it deals with coping, dating, and long distance... you will find it 3 times though. Just read one and disregard the others. Thanks!
Outcast Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 Most people don't read specific forums. They hit the 'new posts' button on top. So whatever's new is always on top.
Author hbeezee Posted November 13, 2005 Author Posted November 13, 2005 ah... no kidding... alright thats cool. Can I delete the others?
Outcast Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 You have about 20 minutes from the time you post to edit or delete posts.
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