kanga Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 I've been dating this great guy for about six months. All is well except that we have really stupid arguments. IT is sooo frustrating. For example: He asks for my opinion. I give it. He says, "Yeah, but what about this.." So I say, "OK, well, that's a better idea." Then he goes back to liking my first idea. I then say that I really don't care. He then gets annoyed. And then I ask why he even asks opinion if he's going to argue every point. I've tried just agreeing with him, but he questions why I just agree. He's a very strong personality -- always thinks he's right (and he usually is), likes to be in charge, very demonstrative. I've had problems with previous relationships with stupid arguing. So it's not just about this guy. What can I do when I'm in these situations to curb the arguments or our mutual annoyance?
magda Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 Maybe it's your "I don't care what you're talking about" attitude?
Author kanga Posted November 13, 2005 Author Posted November 13, 2005 ok. fair enough. but any specific advice on how to better communicate?
still_dreaming99 Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 I've been in relationships with the same type - it drives me mad too. . The best thing thats worked for me is to actually wait for a time either when we aren't arguing or a bit after we have argued and he has chilled a bit and explain to him how I feel frustrated when we argue back and forth, and he doesn't let it go and so on. Using "I" terms is good. Then next time he starts getting all combative on you, you can gently (or not so gently) remind him that you're not really a fan of these conversations.
Pendawn Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 Also remember sometimes it's better to be happy than right - eg if you are arguing over something really pointless "I told you already about that." "No you didn't." it is often far betetr to justs ay "Maybe you're right, maybe i forgot, sorry. Okay so i've told you now, so what will we do?". Okay so you've said you were in the wrong when you really weren't but does it matter for something totally pointless? My EX and I used to ahve these arguements where I'd swear blind I'd told him something or done somethign and he'd swear blind i hadn't, and it was so stupid and pointless. I learned to just drop it and move on, it's not worth bad feeling over being in the right. Also looka t this way, when he is asking for your opinion he is wanting to see every angle before he makes a decision. Doesn't mean he'll accept your opinion immediatly or refuse it, it just helps him to debate all points before he makes a decision. He's not arguing, just discussing. Don't take it personally and accccept it's the way he comes to a decision.
slubberdegullion Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 when he is asking for your opinion he is wanting to see every angle before he makes a decision. Doesn't mean he'll accept your opinion immediatly or refuse it, it just helps him to debate all points before he makes a decision. He's not arguing, just discussing. Don't take it personally and accccept it's the way he comes to a decision. Bingo. Seems like the dude is an "out-loud thinker." Many people use this technique to help clarify a decision. It's simply a pondering process which is verbalized instead of internalized.
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