lilmoma1973 Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 How do you believe what your s/o says after telling you something and finding out later on it was a lie? Do most men tell us what we want to hear just so we don't say nothing to them ?I think most men think women are stupid and will never find out so they do what they want to... Do you think it is right to tell your s/o that you will do what you want to with your money you work hard to make it? I thought it was the family's money not just their's ... Can you learn to trust again after being lied to so much ? How do you get past harboring resentment for the things that your s/o has done in the past ? Can you get past it or just move on? Just asking general relationship questions to see what people thoughts are .. Wanting to see others views and perspectives on these types of questions..
Art_Critic Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 I think it depends on the lie. If he lies about something like how fast he was going when he got the speeding ticket, Well that was a lie created out of his embarrasment and you shouldn't really hold that against him.. as it really has no effect on your life. But if he lied about if he had kids before you were married and you found out he had 2 kids that he never saw and you found out after you guys got married well that is a lie that would be hard to forgive someone for.. what kind of lie are we talking about here?
Outcast Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 Don't make the mistake of thinking that 'most men' are like whatever jerk you happen to have to deal with.
Author lilmoma1973 Posted November 12, 2005 Author Posted November 12, 2005 Just asking opinions on general relationships wanting to know how do u get past harboring resentment for lying about little things ..How do you trust what someone says and does after the little lies.. How do you believe anymore if they are actually telling the truth?
Author lilmoma1973 Posted November 12, 2005 Author Posted November 12, 2005 Don't make the mistake of thinking that 'most men' are like whatever jerk you happen to have to deal with. Thanks Outcast glad to know there are still good men out there and they aren't all alike.. Was starting to think from talking with parents at my daughter's school and close friends of mine that all men are like this and it is normal and we all expierence this with men!! Good to know that isn't so and we are dealing with inconsiderate and selfish men and there are some good ones out there somewhere in this world !!
JadeStar Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 I too have harbored resentment for things in the past. However, my counselor has said to me, at some point you have to learn to let go of some things. As far as wondering when or how to trust the person again, its called giving them the benifit of the doubt. Basically unless your spouse or s/o is still doing something you feel is not right, then anything YOU may still be doing needs to come to a halt or at least to back way off. My counselor has said for example, if you once checked cells phones, or computer activity, then stop. In other words believe what they say/do unless things seem way out of kilter again etc. Part of learning to not harbor resentment is to start at some point to let your guard down some. Maybe not all the way at first, but by letting your guard down yes we then become vulnerable to anything happening, but it will open the door to be able to let us try to trust again. I think wheather someone harbors resentment or not, if someone was to betray or trust, it would hurt reguardless. Resentment is a wall that we have built up around us, it keeps us from letting anyone get to our emotions, for things that have happened. Until that wall can come down, resentment will keep us from moving forward. Jade
Author lilmoma1973 Posted November 12, 2005 Author Posted November 12, 2005 I too have harbored resentment for things in the past. However, my counselor has said to me, at some point you have to learn to let go of some things. As far as wondering when or how to trust the person again, its called giving them the benifit of the doubt. Basically unless your spouse or s/o is still doing something you feel is not right, then anything YOU may still be doing needs to come to a halt or at least to back way off. My counselor has said for example, if you once checked cells phones, or computer activity, then stop. In other words believe what they say/do unless things seem way out of kilter again etc. Part of learning to not harbor resentment is to start at some point to let your guard down some. Maybe not all the way at first, but by letting your guard down yes we then become vulnerable to anything happening, but it will open the door to be able to let us try to trust again. I think wheather someone harbors resentment or not, if someone was to betray or trust, it would hurt reguardless. Resentment is a wall that we have built up around us, it keeps us from letting anyone get to our emotions, for things that have happened. Until that wall can come down, resentment will keep us from moving forward. Jade i see what you saying and i understand that and all but my heart wn't let me and i can't get past it all and i know i should .. So agree with you on that but how do we move foward to get past that wall if they keep make us keep bringing it back up with the things they do?
JadeStar Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 After you click the website, go to the right side of the screen and you will see a place called find an answer. Theres a list of topics there, scroll down till you find resentment, and click that it will tell you how/why we sometimes harbor resentment and how to deal with it. http://www.guyfinley.com Jade
Author lilmoma1973 Posted November 12, 2005 Author Posted November 12, 2005 After you click the website, go to the right side of the screen and you will see a place called find an answer. Theres a list of topics there, scroll down till you find resentment, and click that it will tell you how/why we sometimes harbor resentment and how to deal with it. http://www.guyfinley.com Jade Thanks Jade i read them and they are really interesting thanks for sharing them with me !!
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