b52srock Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 OK, hold on to your seats... I'm 42 years old. Have two beautiful children. Just went through a horrendous divorce (aren't they all). And now... I'M ALIVE!!! Yes, those of you who have watched my pitiful saga unfold here will be amazed. I know I am!! I thought I'd never feel again. I thought I'd never have a day when the first thing on my mind upon waking was my Ex. I never thought anyone would want to touch me again, much less want me in "that way". But guess what? I was wrong! There's a man that I'd always thought was rather handsome (OK, my daughter would say HOT!), but I was married...he was married...we'd been couple friends for 10 years and never once even hinted that we liked each other as more than friends. Well...now his wife has left him to better her "career". She moved out nearly 4 months ago and I didn't even know it until last week (with my divorce a lot of my couple friends sort of fell by the wayside. It happens). Now I'll grant you, its early, and for now its just a booty call....one friend helping another friend...but it feels so good to know that I'm not completely dead inside. And yes, we've had the discussions already about what this really is, and we're both OK with it. If it doesn't go any further than this, that's OK, too. I'm keeping this private. The kids don't know. None of my friends know. We only get together when the kids are at the Ex's (my MAJOR stipulation!). Just had to share! (I'm crazy, right? ) And thanks, everyone, for all your input and help through all of this. You've been wonderful!
brittanyjean259 Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 huray! the wicked witch is dead" haha good saying hu? thats awsome that should have gone under my thread of" stories of hope from heartache... and how long did this take you missy?
Author b52srock Posted November 13, 2005 Author Posted November 13, 2005 Oh, nearly 2 years! I took the kids for our first family photos today with just the three of us...and there was actually a smile in my eyes for a change! I've religiously avoided cameras for quite some time now since it was very obvious that there was no happiness behind my smile...it showed in my eyes. Finally, I have hope...something I never thought I'd have again.
Ladyjane14 Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 I'm very pleased to hear that things are improving for you, B-52. You came from a really dark place, emotionally speaking. And now, here you are......out in the sunlight again. Good news.
brittanyjean259 Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 did you just wake up? and realize it...that what happens when the"storm is over..." its just hard to think of it liek that especially when your going through the storm...and your so caught up in" now"... are you over your husband?
Author b52srock Posted November 14, 2005 Author Posted November 14, 2005 Lady Jane: Thanks so much for all your advice on here! I never would have believed there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Oh, how right you were! brittanyjean: Am I over my husband? Hmmmmmm....strange as it sounds, the answer is no. You can't spend 20 years with someone and just shut things off like that (at least I can't). But what I do know is that the world isn't going to stop turning just because he doesn't love me anymore. That's been my greatest stumbling block. Here is someone I've loved to the stars and beyond, and to know that I was easily replaced (by the town wh*re) was the hardest to deal with. I know now that no matter how I love or loved him, without professional help there was no way things were ever going to be equal in the "I love you" department. Whether he believes it or not, his upbringing has a lot to do with how he treats people and his perspective on love. Unless he can get past those demons he's never going to be worth a damn to anyone, least of all himself. And the old line about "darkest before the storm"....just read back to my posts on here from a couple of months ago. Believe me, I was at my absolute lowest and honestly wasn't sure why I was even going on. If not for my kids.... Hang in there...it will happen, even though it seems like it never will.
dgiirl Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 b52, that's an amazing outlook on life I'm very happy for you and hope to be able to follow in your footprints one day. I can relate to you not being able to turn off your feelings, because honestly, how can you really do that? I was prepared to spend my entire life with him, how can I honestly turn off those feelings? You cant. The only thing I think you can do is move on each day and replace memories of him with other happier ones. Out of sight, out of mind and you move on. When you see him, you get those old feelings back, but eventually you get over those too. I'm sorry about him being with the town wh*re, but I read somewhere that spouses who have an affair ALWAYS downgrade! You're just one more proof of that Best of luck, and thank you for sharing your story!
brittanyjean259 Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 i rather no that my ex " didnt love me any more"...when i know he does and is still trying to move on.... i think it hurts worse maybe because it would hurt me if i saw him hurt'guess thats how much i loved him......... oh well life does go on just gota go with the flow,i meen you minus well try to be happy with the pain your going through.....because it will last a while..."" sit back and relax because your going to be here for a while"......heheeh
brittanyjean259 Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 might as well*....there i go again trying to make up words that dont exist oopps
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