veronese Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 Out of curiosity and by no means intended as an attack, if you are or were good friends with a MM without his wife knowing, became very fond/close to him over a number of years, enjoyed the flirting, compliments, attention and support from him, what made your friendship with him so important that it continued for years behind his wife's back or your partner's back (if applicable). What did he give you that made him worth your time and energy? If he was an ex boyfriend how did that affect your emotions for each other? I'd appreciate an insight into this particular topic as still find it hard to believe that EA's can remain EA for years without becoming intimate at some point. Is it possible to resist the MM when there is a mutual physical and emotional attraction between you? I'd love to hear from OW who are in this situation. Thanks Veron
JadeStar Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 I think it depends on the level of the EA. It is possible for people to be in an EA and not ever take it to a physical level. Some people can have a EA and for whatever reason it can remain at certain stage and not progress from there. Heres the different levels of EA's and like I said it may depend on the situation and the people as far as how it may or may not esculate into something more. Stage one: they develop and emotional bond, by confinding in each other, talking, sharing similar stories, listening to one another etc. Stage two: You begin to keep it a secret. Your family/spouse/friends no nothing of this attatchement to the other person. You know you're in deep when you feel the need to keep it a secret. Stage three: You go out together, drinks, dinner, ect, kind of like a dating phase. Stage four: Well you know what that is. Like I said it sometimes depends on the stage its at and the people involved. Some people can remain in an EA for a very long time and say for example just keep it at stage one or two. Maybe its because they have certain needs that are being meant, and feel no need to go or take it further. Hard to say, because its different for different people. Jade
newbby Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 i think often the ea does not develop further because in an ea it is easier to reason that you are not doing anything wrong, despite the fact that you keep it a secret. that way emotional and/or ego needs are met without so much guilt and without the constant angst of feeling it ought to be ended. i was in a pa that turned into an ea for a long time. during the ea it was much easier to justify things, although without the history it would have been even easier. when it turned once again into something physical the a ended because neither party could handle it.
lilmoma1973 Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 i think often the ea does not develop further because in an ea it is easier to reason that you are not doing anything wrong, despite the fact that you keep it a secret. that way emotional and/or ego needs are met without so much guilt and without the constant angst of feeling it ought to be ended. i was in a pa that turned into an ea for a long time. during the ea it was much easier to justify things, although without the history it would have been even easier. when it turned once again into something physical the a ended because neither party could handle it. Totally agree with you newby because in a EA you think it isn't wrong because you haven't done the sexual act but in a EA thats worst because you are connecting on the same level and getting what you want and needed and most people connect better when their emotional needs are being met and then it leads to physical making the EA bad because it is a bond you are sharing with the other person that you aren't getting from your s/o and this person it is meeting all asspects and making you not care about the other party !!!
Linds7 Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 I was in an EA that led to a EA/PA...both I and MM knew that we could not handle the PA any longer... MM and I decide together that we could no longer continue the PA...about eight months ago... Since then I can honestly say that for the most part I have moved on with my life...I am not going to pretend that MM is not involved in my life...I would consider us to still be having an AE...but there is not that hurt in my heart anymore. We don't put ourselves in situations to have a PA any longer...and I don't think that I could ever let myself again. We both confide in each other...if things would have gone differently...meaning if he had not gotten married and had two little girls that he loves dearly...I have no doubt in my mind that we would be together. I don't think it would be an EA so called today if there had not been all the secrets before... We truly are good friends that confide in each other...minus the physical aspect of the relationship. We wish the best for each other...maybe deep down wish things had gone differently...but it was a decision that we made and have both learned to live with. Just my two cents....
newbby Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 i dont know if it is better or worse. i think possibly an ea could be of longer duration than a pa, or is less likely to encounter problems and more likely to remain a fantasy relationship. for men a pa is probably more likely to run its course than an ea, because once it becomes physical the man can easily deposit it into the sex catagory rather than any other emotion. these are just my thoughts though.
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