meltwithme Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 Today has been really bad, I had a dream last night about my ex again. I don’t really remember the details but it felt like I was with her again and it felt really great. But I woke up back to reality and all the pain came flooding back. It’s almost like my brain wont let me get over it even when I want to. It feels like my mind is teasing me with memories and illusions of her. This is difficult, I’m going to hit some golf balls to try to clear my thoughts but I am really sick of this, it’s getting to me again and I can’t figure out how to cope with the empty feeling of waking up and realizing none of it was real and she’s still gone. Man why can’t I put this behind me and how can I cope with the dreams?
brittanyjean259 Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 i always ask everyone this just out of curiosity though!, how long has it been since the break up... when my break up occured( 3 months ago) for 2 weeks straight i had dreams of him and woke up miserable , oh gosh it was terrible...they wore off...but in the last week i have had atleast 2 dreams of him... you might want these dreams now, so when you dont dream of her any more you will notice a change, you cant really do anything with it now...when i used to have scary dreams, i would knock on my head...and literally wake up...i new exactly how to get out of them....werid huh? i dont know if you can do that when you dream of your ex because at the time you dont want to leave that dream.. when you wake up hit your head, get up really fast and scream? and tell your self no more dreams no more dreams maybe youll dream about not having any more dreams of her...hahah thats a start right?
slubberdegullion Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 Dreams are just random firings of neurons and chemical interactions which our consciousness puts together in some sort of fashion to make sense of them, depending on what's on our minds at the time. They're meaningless. Now go punish a bucketful of dimpled white spheres.
brittanyjean259 Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 well yeah there meaningless..because there not real. But there still there to remind you of stuff that you rather not think about it you know? dreams can suck big time
helena abadi Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 i don't think dreams are meaningless. particularly when they involve a situation that is causing you a great deal of pain. dreams visualise stuff that's going on, wants, desires, fears. sometimes they are very literal. i used to dream of my ex jumping from bed to bed to bed, which was exactly what he was doing in real life, but it was too painful for me to see it in those terms. the dreams will stop eventually, when the crisis eases. yeah, they're tough when you really need peaceful sleep. go hit the golf balls, sounds like good therapy.
downcydeguy Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 The interesting thing about dreams of the ex is that they can manipulate your mood upon waking up. I still dream of my ex constantly. Sometimes I wake up feeling like I'm taking a big leap forward in recovery, and then the next day I can wake up very sad and alone. I've realized that my dreams are a big part of it. I don't remember them all but of those that I do remember, my mood is a direct reflection of them.
helena abadi Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 absolutely right. my dreams about my ex did affect my mood when i woke up. sometimes they hung around me all the day. dramatically, in some cases. one step forward, three back. writing their content down helped. because dreams can be very literal, they visualise what we deny or repress or cannot process. when i understood and accepted their content, they tended not to happen again, or much less frequently. we can't control what we dream. all i can say is ''that too shall pass...''
NrclptcNSmniak Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 omg i had that exact dream last night hahaha.... it sucks so much...... esp when u wake up empty and alone... no friends to talk to .... no one around.... i don't even have any hobbies anymore.... my x of 3 years was teaching me how to play golf (shes a girl)(im a guy....)(isn't that odd) anyway i was starting to get pretty good i guess... she got kinda angry at me when i hit her 6 iron farther than she could... she used a mens set so.. it wasn't all funky for me to use her clubs ...... anyway.... i also believe that dreams are an extension of your subconcious.... i know that she'll never come back to me... and id only take her back if she apologized profusely.... but .... u can't help but feel what you feel.... ive been dreaming of my x for the past month and a hlaf... almost every single night... its so horrible.. sometimes theyre dreams of her and that piece of crap that i used to call a friend that shes now dating... sometimes its of the past.. sometimes i dream of what life would be like if we hadn't broken up... sometimes i dream of what itd be like to kill him or if she came back to me....... anyway...... i just wanna let you know that ur not the only one suffering right now.. and i know ur pain darn... i really wanted to learn how to play golf too.... too bad taht it reminds me too much of her now. . . bah how the hell am i gonna find another innocent looking metalhead that plays golf like a goddess..... her swing was sooo sexy...
brittanyjean259 Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 NrclptcNSmniak -i dont think you got my message earlier, but what i was saying is, were the same age..just out of a 3 year relationship,and your birthday is me and my "ex" anniversary.....you said something about...."3 years at 17,,,is what you come to know and thats it, because before age 14...it was nothing but well regular school friends and such...you said something similar to that...and i know what you meen....its very hard to end such a long relationship.......at such a young age, because 1) its your first love 2)...and your first experience....
NrclptcNSmniak Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 wow... haha what strange coincidences haha ya... im sure ill eventually get over it... its just kinda hard right now since i have no job.. im not in school... only have 1 friend and he is just trying to get his love life started... im trying to help him build up his confidence and ask the girl that he likes out, but hes pretty stubborn haha... its the first girl that hes ever really felt like that about and ... ya well... hes 17 but still young... very young at heart haha... bah... all im doing right now is sitting at home waiting for all of my things to start... like ... this one snack shop im supposed to help run, and ... for this one job that i applied for to fall through... also waiting to go back to school... have to hurry up and start my transfer process.. don't wanna end up too behind my class haha
brittanyjean259 Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 yeah its a very painful process,mine to has" found another"....im a senior, so at first school was hard to go to because i had to see this girl, i had to face the" shocks and comments that people would make......." but thats all gone now.....i hate these people you think you can trust but in reality all they have done is alot of hurtful things to you..... oh wells haha
SMHappyface Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 I totally understand your feelings - I woke up the other night dreaming my ex-fiance came by and woke me up and asked me to come look at the snowflakes that were falling. Then he kissed me softly and told me that he really wanted to work things out and for me to believe in us. It was so perfect. But I woke up, the snow the falling and he was nowhere around and a couple in the apartment above me was having loud sex.
brittanyjean259 Posted November 12, 2005 Posted November 12, 2005 how long has it been for you ( since the break up)...smileface?.... sorry to here that, waking up is a *itch...but i woke up today for once not feeling like "total complete crap"....maybe because i was with a best friend who made me laugh in the morning...haha
jomaxfury Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 3 months into the break up and I had a dream about the exgf today... We were driving somewhere and she was looking at me while I was driving, something we would do ocassionally. She was looking at me with a big smile, I asked her, "so you have comeback to be my girlfriend again"? She looked at me once again without the apology that I was expecting from her and said yes...F@$K if felt so real... 3 months of NC since the break up..and I am still thinking about her eventhough she hurt me... lol I hate dreams, well only when it's about the exgf...hehehe;)
Author meltwithme Posted November 14, 2005 Author Posted November 14, 2005 Tough day today, figured this might help me. What good would it do to talk to her if she doesn’t care enough to call me? Theres got to be someone better for me but I love her. Damn why does it hurt so bad, because she doesn’t love me that bitch. Shes the only girl ive loved and it hurts so ****in much, I go out and it’s so shallow, the bar scene is such a game and I don’t like playing it. “hey we gotta go over there, we’ll be right back” and all that BS doesn’t really bother me anymore. I guess something good to come out of this is that getting rejected by some bitch that doesn’t even know me doesn’t hurt at all anymore. When I was with my ex it was like girls gravitated toward me because I didn’t give a **** about them but now it’s like I’m damaged goods or something. My confidence is shot and I can’t keep them interested; like low self-esteem has been a problem for me but now it’s at an all time low. I’ve even considered steroids but I know that would really destroy my body. I’m a pretty good lookin fella but I don’t feel like one right now and it’s like women can smell that or something. **** this I don’t even know what’s happening in my own life. How someone can love you then leave if they think there’s greener grass. Maybe one day it will come back to her but what the ****, I guess I don’t know the feeling of falling out of love because it’s never happened to me.
NightsEcho Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 Ummm....this may be off topic... SM i think you are very attractive, and seem to have a good mind, so dont worry, your ex-fiance will realize what he lost. And on to the topic.... I still have the odd dream after 8 months!!! Dont let it get ya down....just the way the mind deals with these things on a subconcious level NE
SMHappyface Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 how long has it been for you ( since the break up)...smileface?.... Four weeks since we had the big fight, 3 days since I last saw him and 2 days since I found out he cheated on me (although I have suspected it for the past month). Its torture - I can't sleep, I'm losing weight (10 lbs so far, rapidly approaching 100 lbs, ), I can't concentrate, I can't stop crying, I have no hope and no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. It's terrible.
NrclptcNSmniak Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 reading this thread is so depressing..... i hoped that after the first 3 months id stop dreaming about her but... all you other people have them for so long.... <sigh> and SM.... EAT MORE.... its really unhealthy to not eat... i should know... it just helps the "im feeling like sh*t" phase continue... i know its difficult, but just try and force feed yourself to keep your energy level up.... esp since crying takes up so much of it. you're still young. im sure that you'll find something that gives your life meaning again eventually. more on topic now.... how does everyone else here deal with waking up so horribly in the mornings.... i was never a morning person, and if i wasn't woken up nicely, id be pissed for almost the rest of the day.... it was ok when my gf used to come wake me up before school but... since i don't have that anymore... it ... just ... sucks.... then again i don't have to get up in the mornings anymore... but this whole thing is affecting the rest of my day and everything i do,
SMHappyface Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 and SM.... EAT MORE.... its really unhealthy to not eat... i should know... it just helps the "im feeling like sh*t" phase continue... i know its difficult, but just try and force feed yourself to keep your energy level up.... esp since crying takes up so much of it. you're still young. im sure that you'll find something that gives your life meaning again eventually. Thanks for the advice NRC - I am trying to eat. I make sure I eat every meal, but sometimes it takes me hours. I can't taste food though, I feel color-blind, in a fog - and this is not the first time a guy cheated on me, but I've never felt this bad. You think by the time your 24 you would've been through all the petty relationships and moved on to something serious, now I'm double-guessing there is ever truly a happy ever after. *sigh* I'm really depressing, sorry.
NrclptcNSmniak Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 no need to be sorry. were all like this... inside anyway. hmmm... this reminds me of a story... my aunt. a wonderful person. intelligent, kind, (kind of a neat freak ... but, she's toned it down over the years) fun, and outgoing not to mention pretty and ... actually really young looking.... just got happily married after a 4 year up and down relationship. she is now 48, and seems very happy. happiness doesn't have a deadline hehe. it can happen at any time in your life. although life can seem pretty bleak at times, as long as you keep going on, im sure that you'll be able to collect more happy memories, or even better, live in happiness.
downcydeguy Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 You think by the time your 24 you would've been through all the petty relationships and moved on to something serious, I hate to be a downer but the "petty relationships" can and will happen at any age. If you've been cheated on twice already, you may have to work on your self-esteem a little. Some guys feed on the weak and will cheat because they think you will take them back if you catch them. It doesn't matter if a woman is attractive or not, if she is weak-minded, she will get taken advantage of.
SMHappyface Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 If you've been cheated on twice already, you may have to work on your self-esteem a little. Some guys feed on the weak and will cheat because they think you will take them back if you catch them. It doesn't matter if a woman is attractive or not, if she is weak-minded, she will get taken advantage of. Wow, you may have something there D-guy - C has told me multiple times how he hates that I tend to trot along behind him, how I put myself down, how I'm not tough, I cry too much, too clingy - maybe in a way me not respecting myself made him not respect me (not saying that what he did was even right in the smallest respect) Many friends have told me to have standards and never compromise them - it's not a control issue, it's just dignity. And don't be a doormat, but this is different than being a bitch too. I think I need to take some time to be on my own to learn to be a strong, independant woman.
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 My ex who i truly love broke up with me a while ago, she came back a week later only to do the same again... during the week break i had a dream that she and her family were playing a concert and she didn't want me there... along with that there was a wild storm with all these trees blowing down around the concert hall that was a terrible week of anxiety i have had dreams of her since too but i can't really remember them i met her last Saturday night and she was just like my dream... didn't really want to know me but was still worried about me!
SMHappyface Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 Last night I dreamed that I woke up and was at my ex's dad's house (where he is living now) and all the people from his Karate class were in this big bus. There was a baby that looked like my ex and his new gf, the girl he left me for was carrying it around. I didn't believe it, but went over to him for a hug and a kiss, and he shoved me to the ground violently as the bus drove off. I woke up crying.
mini696 Posted November 15, 2005 Posted November 15, 2005 I know how you feel... I have VERY vivid dreams about all sorts of things. Sometime I can control the outcome of them, sometime I can't. But in the end I wake up and have learnt something from them. I was having dreams about my first ex for many months afterwards. I put it down to the lack of closure I had from her, and I was always thinking about her during the daym so she entered my dreams at night.
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