oceanhunny Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 I don't know what to do! I am recently divorced with two small boys. My ex husband is crazy. Harassing me and not leaving me alone, calling at all hours of the night. I left him because he was abusive and a drug addict. We were battling it out because I want to relocate to Texas to start my life over. We finally came to an agreement, and discussed it with my lawyer. The thing is, my ex doesn't know that I have been talking to someone for several months and plan on moving in with him in Texas. This guy is one of the best things that has ever happened to me, and I think that he would be a wonderful role model for my boys, probably a better role model than their dad has ever been. My question is, how am I supposed to go about telling my ex that his two sons are living with another man? and also, Can he do anything legally? You see, the last court date we had, the judge ordered him to go and take a drug test, and he didn't go. So, I know that this wouldn't look good on him if he tried to do anything to me. I mean he would have to prove that this guy is harming the boys or something right?
Outcast Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 I'm guessing you have never met this man in Texas. If that is the case, you would be extremely foolish to move in with him, particularly with your sons. You need to understand that just because a person seems wonderful on the Internet or maybe the phone does not mean he's a good person. You could be putting yourself and your children in grave danger. I strongly urge you to not move in with this guy. If you must move to Texas, find your own place or move in with friends or relatives.
d'Arthez Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 Agree with Outcast. If your ex is that terrible, anyone can appear to be terrific. It does not take much. You need to be careful though. Especially if you have never met the Texan. But even if he is a person you have known for years. If you have to rely on IM or phonecalls, and not on direct contact you are even at a greater risk to misrepresent the real guy, because you do not see his bad sides. His (possible) problematic ways of interacting with people. Best is to move to Texas then, and live on your own for a while. If things work out with this new guy, eventually, you can always move in. Jumping from relationship to relationship is not a wise thing to do, both for yourself and for your children.
Author oceanhunny Posted November 11, 2005 Author Posted November 11, 2005 Well, the thing is, I did meet this guy online, but we have been around each other. I know what kind of person he is. I know it would be foolish just to jump into moving in with him, if that is what I was doing. But like I said, we have been talking for a long time, and I know that he is what I am looking for. The boys have even talked to him before, and they like him. He is even looking forward to having the boys around. Thanks for the advice though. I just wanted some advice on how to tell my ex, because I know he is going to go crazy. For one reason, he can't stand the thought of me with someone else, and two, he doesn't want his kids living with another man. The thing is, we ARE divorced, and who I see is none of his business. I just need to know a way to tell him without it causing anymore problems. Thanks
Mz. Pixie Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 Unless you are neglecting the children or exposing them to something they shouldn't be- like sex with the new man out in the open etc- then there's nothing he can do about it since you're divorced. He can sue you for custody but he won't win just because you're living with someone. I know you probably don't think that we know what we're talking about when we say be careful about the internet guy thing. Let me tell you, I'm very savvy and I am the kind of person who can spot someone that's fake in a heartbeat. However, four or five years ago I started chatting with some girls online that had a similar interest that I did. One was close to my house. I met them all in person and I became really close with one of them. We all spent alot of time together on trips to concerts, etc. We talked everyday, we became best friends. However, two years later I found out that everything she'd told me about herself- as far as what she did for a living- was a lie- she had a boyfriend that she killed off in a horrible accident- all a lie and I could go on and on and on. Out of the 10 of us who were chatting and became friends, not one of us were suspicious of her. These girls were attorneys, bankers, CPA, etc- not a bunch of dummys. She fooled us completely and my heart and trust was broken. Think carefully about what you are going to expose your children to. You're a grownup but they don't have much choice about what to be dragged around to and it's your responsibility to make sure they are safe and well adjusted.
Outcast Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 but we have been around each other For how much time? A couple of short trips are not enough to get to know someone. Your ex isn't the issue. If he gets upset, too bad - he's the ex now. However what is the issue is exactly how well you know the guy that you're putting your hopes on. Do you have a job lined up there in case this guy doesn't work out? I, too, was deceived by someone on the 'net and I'm no slouch brainwise. However, whether you meet someone online or in person, there is no substitute for spending an extended amount of time with him to be sure you've found a good person.
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