robwri32 Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 This is my first post in this forum, I would like to start off by saying thank you I’ve been reading here for the past two day, and it seems like there is a lot of people here who truly care about others. My ex and me have been broken up for about a month now, and I’m feeling so bad. I have lost all motivation, the things I used to love doing I can’t do them anymore. Everywhere I look I see her, my heart hurts so much, and I just don’t know what to do. I have been questioning my existence, wondering what’s the point. I’m lost. I have a wedding to go to this weekend and a lot of my friends are in town, and I don’t want to see any of them, they are all happily married, we used to spend so much time together hanging out, I’m afraid, if I do hang out with them, all I will remember is the good times I had with them and my ex. I’ve been crying for a month straight now, I have nowhere to turn, I have asked god to please ease this sorrow but there is no answer, it is nonstop. I just don’t want to go on anymore. She has changed me so much, I love her so much, I’m the man I am today because of her. She is younger 22 today, I think she wants to go out and experience the bar scene and I don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I like a drink or two, but the bar scene is just not the place for me to be. I just wish I could see her again, touch her, kiss her, she is just so special and I feel like I’ve lost the most important thing in my life. She picked me up out of the gutter and gave me a reason to go on. But I know I’ve driven her away, I got caught up in work, and lost my direction in life, now I’ve tried too hard to get her back, and she hates me. I don’t know what to do, I know time will ease this, but god I hurt so badly right now, she is such a big part of my soul. I don’t want to lose her, and I can’t help to feel so helpless. If some reads this please give me some advice, please make me see the way, I need love in my life, and can’t go on like this. ROB
brittanyjean259 Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 alot of us feel this way, i still do ...im in so much pain and the scary thing is...is there really is no hope at all for me any more to be with him...even though i shouldent have been holding on to hope from the get go.. how did you guys break up?..because she wanted to go to the bar more often! well if she broke up with you because of that...than she really isnt worth it.. its normal to be crying like that, your going to have to understand your going through a grieving process..we all felt like that at first....you feel like" no i cant let go" this isnt happening to me"...but it is...and it happens to every one in life at some point...i know the pain of it i know exactly how you feel.. the whole thing with having no motivation...i know what thats like to and that really sucks because its hard to do anything..you have to work on your self now...dont beg her...dont let her see you this upset....and just listen to advice that we all will give you..it will help...youll be feeling a little bit better soon
downcydeguy Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 I don't know what age you are my friend, but dating someone younger can be dangerous in the love department. If you read through this site, you're gonna see sooo many stories about the significant other needing to find themselves, etc. at the age of your ex. I'm 6 years older than my ex (she's 21) and she left just because. You're not alone in this world and this is a great site to get opinions/suggestions on what steps you need to take to heal. Keep yourself as busy as possible for a while. There is no time limit on healing so don't get frustrated with yourself if you still hurt 3 months from now. Also, do not contact her at all. She is gone and knows how to get in touch with you if she ever desired to do so. We're all here for each other so feel free to vent at any time.
Author robwri32 Posted November 11, 2005 Author Posted November 11, 2005 I think its because i got comfortable. I stopped showing her affection, she was always nagging me, i work on my computer, and she thinks that i cared more about materialistic things then her, she broke up with me over the phone after 2.5 years. her sister and my bestfriend are married and i know i'll be seeing them here soon, and i know i just won't beable to handle it.
brittanyjean259 Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 well you can talk to them, cry to them im sure they understand. Man i really understand the pain your going through its so hard but you will get through it with in time...i dont know when ill stop feeling pain but i know if im going to see any good results...ill wait till school is out. get angry,she should have known how much you loved her so its her loss...the more you suffer" the more it shows you really care...and you suffering so you really do care..
Tiny Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 Sorry to tell you this buddy, but there's a hell of a lot of people out there like you me included, and it takes time, everyday you wake up you wish you hadn't. All your friends are telling you to do exactly what you don't want to do "Go out, meet new people, have fun" hmm It's the hardest and most depressing thing in the world, when all you can think about is the person who means everything to you, but at the end of the day, if you don't force yourself to, you won't feel any better, it's what i had to do. There is no other option, just keep trying, things will get better and good luck. I know exactly how your feeling
brittanyjean259 Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 i agree with you tiny, even though at first you feel like you cant...well your going to have to get back out there...and eventually time will heal...i hate the feeling of waking up...it just reminds me all over again how depressed i am....AHHHHHHH
Author robwri32 Posted November 11, 2005 Author Posted November 11, 2005 well thanks for you words, but man i hate this feeling, i'm sitting here with tears in my eyes, there has to be something, all i have now is the wonderful memories i have of her, i'm so sorry, i say it to everyone, i'm sorry i'm a fool. why is this happening to me, GOD please stop this. i keep telling myself to act like a man, but i can't it just hurts all over
Tiny Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 i agree with you tiny, even though at first you feel like you cant...well your going to have to get back out there...and eventually time will heal...i hate the feeling of waking up...it just reminds me all over again how depressed i am....AHHHHHHH Yeah Brittany, just thinking about how many of us out there, feeling this way is enough to cheer you up in a rather twisted kind of way hmm well now i've had my laugh for the day i'll carry on suffering Stick with it Rob, there will be good times ahead i promise, maybe more bad than good, just keep trying, when you get the chance to "go out" even though you really won't want to go. Do it anyway mate, you'll find that smile again, as i hope i do
Jellostick Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 I guess I'm in the same boat which is why I have my own thread but as far as sleeping goes, I always went to bed early when I'm depressed 'cause it just allowed me to escape my issues and problems. It's such an easy way out but sometimes I just don't have the strength to do anything constructive but go to bed. Unfortunately, since my ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago, I keep having dreams about her so I'm always having the best sleep. It sucks and I wish I didn't dream about her but what can you do? I posted in another thread how years ago after my high school sweetheart and I broke up after three and a half years, I was afraid to go to sleep 'cause I constantly had dreams about her w/ some of them having us get back together. I was staying up late 'cause I was scared to go to bed. It's not like that now 'cause I'm older but it's still something I'd rather not be doing. I'm sorry you're going through this and I'm sorry for anyone else who is going through this. Life isn't supposed to be fair and you think life sucks now but eventually it will get better. My issues are I wish I knew if she's in as much pain as I am but I have a feeling she's not but I can't answer that, only she can. Worry about you now. Focus on what's more important and what's more important is you. Then again, I should take my own advice and here I'm upset over some gal who I feel missed a chance at staying w/ the best guy she'll ever have. Good luck. Cheers.
brittanyjean259 Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 jello stick, you say you had a highschool sweet heart for 3 years?...im still in high school my senior year...and your first loves well i havent had any other loves just this one...so its all i know right now, but i guess you managed to eventually move on and love some one else?.... i try to look at it like that,but i dont want to move on? its to damn scary i hate what i have been becoming oh how do you just snap out of that and get back to you? eh
Tiny Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 well thanks for you words, but man i hate this feeling, i'm sitting here with tears in my eyes, there has to be something, all i have now is the wonderful memories i have of her, i'm so sorry, i say it to everyone, i'm sorry i'm a fool. why is this happening to me, GOD please stop this. i keep telling myself to act like a man, but i can't it just hurts all over When this s**t happens Rob, you have to go through it, its awful, heartbreaking, the worst feeling there is in life imo, just hold on in there my friend, YOU WILL come through it. Like Jello says sleep is good, it's what I do, strange when your in a full time relationship, there just never seems to be enough time to sleep, yet when this awful thing happens, there just SOooo much time and nothing to do with it, somedays i used to sleep 14 to 16 hours a day, it's not a good thing but at least it does numb the pain a little, and sometimes clears your head just enough to get through another day, hang in ther mate Just make yourself do the things you HAVE to do, force some food in your mouth, wash your clothes, keep GOING, i'm feeling for you.
brittanyjean259 Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 rob, is this your first time going through this?...i know the feeling ...you just want to scream, this might help but try to look at like" this is jsut a feeling, its going to be here a while...so with that feeling you might as well try to be happy off of it, right nowyou cant but in a few weeks or maybe months you will be feeling fine. youll survive, yes you will
Author robwri32 Posted November 11, 2005 Author Posted November 11, 2005 I hope i do survive this, i'll i have is hope that she somewhere deep inside has some kind of a feeling for me, something anything, i love her, i miss her, i just want to be part of her life, i'm suffing so much, and god i don't know where to turn, i use to be able to tell her everything, she knows everything about me, i have to hold on to those special memories they are all i have
brittanyjean259 Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 you never answered me but is this your first time going through it? or did you have other heartaches to..JUST wondering out of curiosity
Author robwri32 Posted November 11, 2005 Author Posted November 11, 2005 you never answered me but is this your first time going through it? or did you have other heartaches to..JUST wondering out of curiosity I've been through it before, but not like this, i have never felt like this, maybe its becuase i'm older wiser, and i know now what i've lost. i'm 25 and she's 22 today, its her birthday, and all i want to do is be with her, and celebrate, like we've done in past years on this day, god we had so much fun together
Jellostick Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 jello stick, you say you had a highschool sweet heart for 3 years?...im still in high school my senior year...and your first loves well i havent had any other loves just this one...so its all i know right now, but i guess you managed to eventually move on and love some one else?.... i try to look at it like that,but i dont want to move on? its to damn scary i hate what i have been becoming oh how do you just snap out of that and get back to you? eh The thing is, Brittany, I'm 29 years old and we broke up when we were 21. We met our senior year of high school and dated for a little over 3 and a half years. Unfortunately, she broke up w/ me and I never felt so much pain in my life until years later when my son passed away but at that time, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I had problems working 'cause I cried all the time. It sucked. I even thought about killing myself though I'm too much of a wimp to ever attempt that. I started seeing a therapist that was provided by my college. I went every week and we talked and eventually I became better. Sure I was still heartbroken but I knew I was getting better. I actually never knew the meaning of "rebound" until the first girl I was w/ after her who was on the rebound. I don't think I treated her that way but she certainly did so that didn't last much. Ultimately, I stopped talking to my ex. I did my own thing, dated here and there and eventually fell in love w/ someone two years later that lasted 3 years but I didn't keep in contact w/ my ex. It bothered me that her and I didn't talk anymore 'cause we were so close but it was for the best. My best friend even told me one time how she was engaged now and that really bothered me 'cause if I never heard anything about her again, I'd be fine. I have some idea what she's probably up to now, I know where she lives and I believe she's married but I don't dwell on her though deep down I still care about her. Sometimes the best medicine is staying away. It hurst, it really does but you just have to force yourself to do. You can't hurt yourself and cause yourself pain over this 'cause what's that going to do? I look at it as if you screw yourself over, then they won. Be strong, Brittany. As far as sleeping goes, there's nothing wrong w/ sleeping but I do feel it's the easy way out. I do wish I could sleep that long but I don't. I'd just like to think that she's having problems sleeping 'cause she's thinking about me. Cheers.
strongwillpwr Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 robwri32: I was where you were a few months ago. I'm much better now, but need more time to fully heal. I slept *a lot* when I was at your stage. I would come home from work, and just go straight to sleep. I didn't eat much, and ended up losing like 10 - 12 pounds. Make sure you mind your health, because it's easy to let it slip. My advice is to do the things that make you feel better *right now*. Things that I did: -Read *tons* of articles on the internet that related to my situation. -Vented to close friends that I trust (this really helped) -Hit the mall, bought myself some new clothes, or electronics -Spent lots of time with friends, keeping myself very very busy -Wrote emails to my ex that I never sent. Venting emails, top 50 list of things i liked about her...top 50 list of things i didn't like about her...etc... -started exercising again, weight training, running (really helps) Don't worry, things seem really bad right now...devastating....but each month that passes becomes easier, and easier, and easier....
Rebelpryncess Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 We had been together for 3 years...He is my best friend and my boyfriend. We have so much in common, we've done so much together...traveling, scuba diving...climbing mountains together....for the last year, after he bought a house (I have my own), we had been slipping apart. I had been going through a tremendous amount of problems, I was let go from 5 jobs in 2 years, a strike of bad luck. I was emotionally screwed up and my self esteem was very bleak....after he bought the house, he was spending more and more time on the house and no time for us. I tried talking to him about it on several occasions and he basically said I'm being selfish....which made me even more messed up. He always said to me to look at the positive...he was my positive...(well at least I thought so). I had finally gotten to a breaking point and decided that we needed to take a break....a break from "us" or the lack there of. I went to his house and tried one more time to talk about it and all he would say is "what do you want me to say?" I shouldn't have to tell him what to say, it should come naturally. Right? It's been a month now, the first couple weeks I felt really strong about what I had done. I've talked to him a few times, and now I miss him terribly. Last night I told him we need to give this another try, and we can fix this. He didn't agree. I explained to him that relationships have their ups and downs but if we truly cared and loved one another then lets work on this. Again, he didn't agree. I feel so displaced. I hate telling people that we are not together anymore. It feels so wrong. The reactions I get from people only trigger more tears. Everyone around me tells me that I'm the most giving person they know...why does he think I'm so selfish?
brittanyjean259 Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 thank you so much, i keep thinking people arent responding back but i also keep forgettin you have to click over to the next page.. i am so sorry you lost your son, that is so devasating and if you managed to get through that than you are a very strong person...i am being strong, because i also know one day something more traggic could happen as it did for your self......you never know what will happen in life its so random...i read everything you said and im sorry your still hurt...but im sure you will love again im holding on to that hope
brittanyjean259 Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 strongwillpower, well your name says it all....i agree with you so much each month feels a little bit different..it feels like its your life now some people loose weight, some people gane it...try to have control over that rob if your having troubles in that department
Jellostick Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 It's been a month now, the first couple weeks I felt really strong about what I had done. I've talked to him a few times, and now I miss him terribly. Last night I told him we need to give this another try, and we can fix this. He didn't agree. I explained to him that relationships have their ups and downs but if we truly cared and loved one another then lets work on this. Again, he didn't agree. I feel so displaced. I hate telling people that we are not together anymore. It feels so wrong. The reactions I get from people only trigger more tears. Everyone around me tells me that I'm the most giving person they know...why does he think I'm so selfish? Wow, I didn't think I'd find someone that felt the same way but you've proven me wrong. Thank you, Rebelpryncess. I tried to explain to her that every relationship has problems but if you care about someone so much, you can work those problems out. She didn't agree either. It was our first huge discussion about our relationship and unfortunately it was our last while we were together. I couldn't believe it 'cause it seemed like a one shot deal. It sucks and I feel displaced as well. I hated having to tell people that we broke up 'cause her and I have the same friends and we were always together. Now it seems she's has those friends and I don't 'cause she see them more than I do since they're mostly her friends anyway. This is where feeling displaced comes in. At least I can say I don't cry anymore, that only happened during the first week but sometimes I feel like crying. I don't know if it would help but I feel like I should. I also hate when my friends tell me how great of a guy I am, that I'm a good person and she doesn't deserve me. I've come to realize that I am a good person and that I am a catch but I don't understand why she'd let me go except for that I realized she has some issues that she won't reveal. It just makes me feel that I'm the biggest loser around 'cause I feel she'll won't find someone better but then she broke up w/ me so I guess I can't be as good as I think I am. Cheers.
brittanyjean259 Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 how long has it been for you jello stick?.....
Jellostick Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 My ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago yesterday and we were together for 3 and a half months. Yeah, I know that's a short time but the last time I had a girlfriend was April of 2002. It was almost 3 and a half years since my last girlfriend and between them I dated other girls and for the most part they all sucked. Sure I hooked up, had sex, went out and did all that but none of them compared to my ex which is why I fell in love w/ her. I truly thought her and I had something and that I was worth fighting for. I'd like to convince myself that I'm over it but I know I'm not. The hardest part is trying to understand why what happened happened. I wish I could get inside her head but it's unrealistic. I'd say the breakup was the best thing that has happened to me 'cause since she broke up w/ me I started seeing a therapist to discuss my issues, realized things about myself, boosted up my self-esteem and confidence and decided to go back to school. If I had my choice, however, I think I'd give it all up if she'd be w/ me again. I truly did love her so much and she was the most compatible person I have been w/ in years and I know she could say the same thing about me. Not knowing things, however, really gets me down. Cheers.
brittanyjean259 Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 yeah even though that was a short time, im sure it can still hurt.....but atleast you werent too attatched, and you were experienced like they say" first cut is the deepest..or as sheryl crow would say:)
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