What would you do? 1. drop out 2. still try

[sparrowb]

Hi! 

Short story: I was matchd to a guy on dating app we've been talking regular basis, quite engaged we had some common interests and you can feel that the texts he has replied to my every texts also showed that he's interested - he though was back home (to his parents) and then also going for a ski trip so when he actually asked me to meet up was around 2-3 weeks after since we've been texting. My mindset is more like if he asks, and if i want to get to know this person, sure but since i had this very toxic relationship before which took 2 years for me to came out, i will never play game, or hate a guy who is playing game, i know my worth. Anyway i found that when he was back home or go ski trip he was not working at all as he's working as management consultant but between projects so that can happen. Repsect that and when he asked to meet up for drink i already made plans that weekend so i suggested to meet following week, he says i might jump in new project but let's write beginning of week - didn't hear from him like tuesday or so i reached out - got heard from him thursday that his new project has been very intense so missed my text, and i thought okay mabye i should stop here and just leave it to him. so i just wrote him hey all good, hope you have some time to take a rest this weekend. nothing more, then he still asks if i have fun plans or i am not sure to be honest what i am doing and i am not looking for penpal. and i honestly hope he just stop messaging me, is he just this type of guy or he's not interested to meet up in person? cos now i am away for fashion week so it's going to be intense week and none of us is asking if we meet in person and he still continues conversation, so i am like what is this. I don't know this person so i of course know it's hard to know his intention but what should i do? should i just drop out here leave him, or should i still continue replying and haha see where this goes? 

 

thanks for reading! 

[Gaeta]

You block him to make sure this clown does not waste another one if your minute.

Don't chitchat with men that can't meet within 5 days. If they are away for 2-3 weeks then tell them to get back in touch with you in 3 weeks if they still see you on the dating app.

You don't want to chat long and build false hopes. We are human, of course if we talk with someone over a few weeks we will build expectations. Avoid it.

Cut them faster! A man that is genuine in his search will make it easy, he will invite you to meet quickly and he won't feed you 'busy' excuses.

Edited February 25, 2024 by Gaeta

[Alpacalia]

When he asked you out 2-3 weeks after you first started texting, did you reply that you are available to meet up? And what did he say? Or was the drink invite 2-3 weeks after you have started texting?

I suppose I am a bit confused by your timeline. It sounds like you were both busy and couldn't make the plans work the first time around, so you suggested the following week and then he got caught up with a new project? And you are also now away for fashion week? 

[sparrowb]

16 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

When he asked you out 2-3 weeks after you first started texting, did you reply that you are available to meet up? And what did he say? Or was the drink invite 2-3 weeks after you have started texting?

I suppose I am a bit confused by your timeline. It sounds like you were both busy and couldn't make the plans work the first time around, so you suggested the following week and then he got caught up with a new project? And you are also now away for fashion week? 

Hi! Yes, so he first asked to meet up 2 weeks after we've texted and i cannot do that weekend so suggested him following week which he started a new project at work which his explanation was very busy we are writing on phone now, but i for sure feel the level of engagement or text we are writing are slow paced, both are continue conversation but not as before. And he asked me this friday if i have any fun plans but not asked me to meet up and you're right i am goint away for a week to paris. i am just in the situation where should i still reply to his last text (which was just simply he asked if i am going paris for work, and he had some friends over for dinner yesterday) or just drop it. 

[sparrowb]

21 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You block him to make sure this clown does not waste another one if your minute.

Don't chitchat with men that can't meet within 5 days. If they are away for 2-3 weeks then tell them to get back in touch with you in 3 weeks if they still see you on the dating app.

You don't want to chat long and build false hopes. We are human, of course if we talk with someone over a few weeks we will build expectations. Avoid it.

Cut them faster! A man that is genuine in his search will make it easy, he will invite you to meet quickly and he won't feed you 'busy' excuses.

thanks for reply! i mean ye i also agree to your point haha it's just every human has different communication style and i heard from a friend of mine working at the same company that he's nice guy so but of course you never know as colleague their personal love life so. haha 

[Alpacalia]

8 minutes ago, sparrowb said:

Hi! Yes, so he first asked to meet up 2 weeks after we've texted and i cannot do that weekend so suggested him following week which he started a new project at work which his explanation was very busy we are writing on phone now, but i for sure feel the level of engagement or text we are writing are slow paced, both are continue conversation but not as before. And he asked me this friday if i have any fun plans but not asked me to meet up and you're right i am goint away for a week to paris. i am just in the situation where should i still reply to his last text (which was just simply he asked if i am going paris for work, and he had some friends over for dinner yesterday) or just drop it. 

I completely understand why you might feel confused and hesitant in this situation.

So you had been texting for about 2 weeks, and then he asked you to meet up but you couldn't make it that weekend so you suggested the following week. Then he got caught up with a new project and things slowed down in your conversations. And now that you are going to be away for fashion week, he has asked if you have any fun plans but hasn't specifically asked to meet up. 

It sounds like he legitimately got busy with a new project, and now that you are going to be away, he might not want to make plans knowing that you won't be in town. It's also possible that he is just trying to keep the conversation going and see where things might lead once you are back from your trip.

In the meantime, enjoy your trip and fashion week. If he reaches out while you are gone, you can respond and continue chatting, but it's also important to not put all your focus and energy on this one potential date.

When you get back, you could casually mention that you are back in town and see if he is still interested in meeting up. If not, that's okay.

[sparrowb]

1 minute ago, Alpacalia said:

I completely understand why you might feel confused and hesitant in this situation.

So you had been texting for about 2 weeks, and then he asked you to meet up but you couldn't make it that weekend so you suggested the following week. Then he got caught up with a new project and things slowed down in your conversations. And now that you are going to be away for fashion week, he has asked if you have any fun plans but hasn't specifically asked to meet up. 

It sounds like he legitimately got busy with a new project, and now that you are going to be away, he might not want to make plans knowing that you won't be in town. It's also possible that he is just trying to keep the conversation going and see where things might lead once you are back from your trip.

In the meantime, enjoy your trip and fashion week. If he reaches out while you are gone, you can respond and continue chatting, but it's also important to not put all your focus and energy on this one potential date.

When you get back, you could casually mention that you are back in town and see if he is still interested in meeting up. If not, that's okay.

Thanks for your reply again! 

 

Sounds smart! Yes, but do you think i should still reply to his last a bit dry text (he just wrote if i go for work and ye he had dinner w some friends)? or I can just write him when I am back if he still interested in meeting up. and of course if he's not that's okay. 

thanks again! 

[Gaeta]

58 minutes ago, sparrowb said:

's working as management consultant but between projects so that can happen

So this guy could find time for a coffee between projets, how would he find time to date you if every other week he's on a project keeping him away?

Does he travel for these projects? What is schedule looks like?

Edited February 25, 2024 by Gaeta

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. Neither of you seem ready willing or able to meet, so why drag things out. Set both yourselves free. If you don't want to ghost, just tell him you're not a match, then delete and block. 

[sparrowb]

9 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

So this guy could find time for a coffee between projets, how would he find time to date you if every other week he's on a project keeping him away?

Does he travel for these projects? What is schedule looks like?

hmm i would say so you have client almost fetched during project so he is going to probably work 17-18 hrs/day so honestly no time for coffee makes sense... my friends are working as consultant and they basically work until 1-2am everyday if the project is intense and considering we are just in talking stage i get that he cannot prio me 

[Alpacalia]

5 minutes ago, sparrowb said:

Thanks for your reply again! 

 

Sounds smart! Yes, but do you think i should still reply to his last a bit dry text (he just wrote if i go for work and ye he had dinner w some friends)? or I can just write him when I am back if he still interested in meeting up. and of course if he's not that's okay. 

thanks again! 

He's trying to keep the conversation going even though he knows you are busy and going out of town.

But I still think meeting face-to-face is the best option. 

The most important thing is to enjoy your trip and not worry too much about this guy. If something is meant to happen, it will. But don't put too much energy into one potential date.

Can I ask why you're hesitant to reply to his last text/question?

Alternatively, if you do want to continue talking to him and potentially meet up when you're back, you could simply thank him for understanding and being patient and mention that you're looking forward to chatting more when you're back in town.

[Gaeta]

Just now, sparrowb said:

they basically work until 1-2am everyday if the project is intense and considering we are just in talking stage i get that he cannot prio me 

How could he maintain a relationship at all with that type of schedule?

What do you want for a relationship? Do you want a man with evening times, weekend times?

May l ask  what age you both are?

When l was dating l came across interesting men but they worked nights.l knew this was not the type of relationship l wanted.

[sparrowb]

1 minute ago, Alpacalia said:

He's trying to keep the conversation going even though he knows you are busy and going out of town.

But I still think meeting face-to-face is the best option. 

The most important thing is to enjoy your trip and not worry too much about this guy. If something is meant to happen, it will. But don't put too much energy into one potential date.

Can I ask why you're hesitant to reply to his last text/question?

Alternatively, if you do want to continue talking to him and potentially meet up when you're back, you could simply thank him for understanding and being patient and mention that you're looking forward to chatting more when you're back in town.

Okay, fair enough. Yes i am very excited for the trip! 

It's just I feel our conversations become a bit slow, dry so that triggered me to drop out and stop here. and also not that much to write here, yes i go for work haha 

[Alpacalia]

4 minutes ago, sparrowb said:

Okay, fair enough. Yes i am very excited for the trip! 

It's just I feel our conversations become a bit slow, dry so that triggered me to drop out and stop here. and also not that much to write here, yes i go for work haha 

Okay, then stop there. 

If you're feeling like the conversation is dragging just say that you'll talk to him when you return from the trip. There's no need to abruptly end the conversation and make him feel ignored. 

But Gaeta mentioned a good point, if he works 17 hours a day he probably doesn't have much time.

That is something worth considering before pursuing things further with him depending on what you're open to at this stage in your life.

It's possible that he's just looking for someone to talk to and pass the time on his break. If that's the case, don't take it as an affront to you, just know that he is in a different place in his life. You can be understanding but also know your own worth and don't invest too much time in someone who may not have the capacity to give you what you need in a relationship. 

 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, sparrowb said:

that his new project has been very intense so missed my text,

That type of reply is an excuse. He missed your text for 2 days? No.

These consultants use their phone a lot. Noway he did not see your message for 2 days. Remember that human factor? It works for everybody, first thing we do in morning is check our phone, last thing we do at night is check our phone. He uses his phone to contact his colleagues, boss, and clients.He did not ignore his phone for 2 days, 

 

[sparrowb]

20 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Okay, then stop there. 

If you're feeling like the conversation is dragging just say that you'll talk to him when you return from the trip. There's no need to abruptly end the conversation and make him feel ignored. 

But Gaeta mentioned a good point, if he works 17 hours a day he probably doesn't have much time.

That is something worth considering before pursuing things further with him depending on what you're open to at this stage in your life.

It's possible that he's just looking for someone to talk to and pass the time on his break. If that's the case, don't take it as an affront to you, just know that he is in a different place in his life. You can be understanding but also know your own worth and don't invest too much time in someone who may not have the capacity to give you what you need in a relationship. 

 

True! Actually I also work quite a lot (I am in fashion, marketing department) so very common to work usually till 8-9pm but i at least don't work during weekend. 

so i am fine with someone works a lot and my ex was also in consulting - quiet familiar but think a guy in the beginning stage should still make time and so. 

I will then just write that I will talk to him when I am back, i was thinking to maybe write and ask if we can meet up when i am back cos i at least want to see him in person but maybe that's not a good idea. 

 

thank you thank you again 

[sparrowb]

20 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

That type of reply is an excuse. He missed your text for 2 days? No.

These consultants use their phone a lot. Noway he did not see your message for 2 days. Remember that human factor? It works for everybody, first thing we do in morning is check our phone, last thing we do at night is check our phone. He uses his phone to contact his colleagues, boss, and clients.He did not ignore his phone for 2 days, 

 

haha i hear you, i am rarely like this but sometimes when i am so stressed i don't want to talk to people! it's just everyone has different communication styles i would say! and it is not right or wrong more like if that fits you or not i would say...! it's just my point is not related to his delay in response more of confusion from we are texting slow paced but just feels like penpal so 

[Alpacalia]

18 minutes ago, sparrowb said:

True! Actually I also work quite a lot (I am in fashion, marketing department) so very common to work usually till 8-9pm but i at least don't work during weekend. 

so i am fine with someone works a lot and my ex was also in consulting - quiet familiar but think a guy in the beginning stage should still make time and so. 

I will then just write that I will talk to him when I am back, i was thinking to maybe write and ask if we can meet up when i am back cos i at least want to see him in person but maybe that's not a good idea. 

 

thank you thank you again 

Sounds good. He did ask you out initially but 2-3 weeks is a relatively long time to wait for a first date. And then, you weren't available on the weekend he suggested. That could have been a slight cautionary flag to him that you may not be very interested.

If you don't mind his checking in occasionally just to see how you're doing, that's fine but I would just delay making any plans until you return because it seems like a good idea to figure out if he's serious or just playing it by ear. It would more than likely be more productive to stay occupied for now than mucking around with tentative plans.

You're not sure how you're going to feel once you get back...or what your workload will be. 

[sparrowb]

2 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Sounds good. He did ask you out initially but 2-3 weeks is a relatively long time to wait for a first date. And then, you weren't available on the weekend he suggested. That could have been a slight cautionary flag to him that you may not be very interested.

If you don't mind his checking in occasionally just to see how you're doing, that's fine but I would just delay making any plans until you return because it seems like a good idea to figure out if he's serious or just playing it by ear. It would more than likely be more productive to stay occupied for now than mucking around with tentative plans.

You're not sure how you're going to feel once you get back...or what your workload will be. 

Hmm but I reached out to him following week (cos I couldn't do that weekend) cos he was silent with work  Yes I will do it thanks! 

[Gaeta]

Are you both local? What's the distance between you?

[sparrowb]

Just now, Gaeta said:

Are you both local? What's the distance between you?

We live close! Like 20 mins by subway? 

[Wiseman2]

If you think it just feels like penpal, why waste your time? You already mentioned to him about the penpal thing. He did ask you too be honest, if you're not available or interested, so why not just do that? 

[Alpacalia]

8 minutes ago, sparrowb said:

Hmm but I reached out to him following week (cos I couldn't do that weekend) cos he was silent with work  Yes I will do it thanks! 

You're welcome. Fashion week sounds fun. I went once through a previous job and loved it. 

Eat delicious croissants and pastries, and don't forget to take lots of pictures! Bon voyage!

[Gaeta]

8 minutes ago, sparrowb said:

We live close! Like 20 mins by subway? 

So what keeps you from meeting at lunch time? Or a quick meeting at 18h. Consultants do step out to eat each day.

[sparrowb]

54 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

So what keeps you from meeting at lunch time? Or a quick meeting at 18h. Consultants do step out to eat each day.

hmm i can't do lunch usually too many meetings