Ex from 4 years ago sent a request to re-follow me but won't accept my follow request. why?

[Filmguy00]

I was going out with a great girl from 2018-2020 (we split about a month before the pandemic). She deleted me off from social media later that year. And I ended up finding out that she got engaged to a guy (likely her ex who she said was problematic). Our breakup was not bad and nothing happened as far as low blows or abuse. She did dump me politely and I basically said that she could leave if that's how she felt.

But now after four years, she requested to follow me again. I accepted the next day but I held off on re-following her back for about a week and just resumed as normal. She did look at my story posts during that time. I then sent her a follow request and as of 8 days she hasn't accepted. And she didn't look at my stories after than for a couple days but now she is consistently looking again. And pretty quickly sometimes. And I noticed one of her best friends has begun looking at my posts as well right before or after my ex implying that they are contacting eachother when I post.

What do you guys think is going on? I do believe she is still with that guy but I heard through the grapevine that something may have happened but don't know what. And one thing I do remember is that she was very careful about ex'es when we were together. Meaning she deleted their numbers and social media friendships when she and I were together.
And to be honest she was the last girl I dated and I really did adore her. She was the only one I actually saw myself with forever. After our split up I kind of semi-retired from dating and am now 38 years old. So seeing her come back(ish) was a huge shock to me. Based on your experiences, is this nothing? Or is she cooking up something?

Edited February 16, 2024 by Filmguy00

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. Whenever an ex contacts you out of the blue, it's bad news. They're just fishing, just got dumped, lonely, bored or seeking attention. Especially since she just put these breadcrumbs out without any meaningful follow up. 

[Acacia98]

Whatever she's doing, it doesn't sound like the normal and healthy behavior of an emotionally mature adult. Why send you a request if she has no intention of accepting yours? Do you see how unbalanced the situation is? She has access to info about you but doesn't want you to have access to info about her. If she was remembering you fondly and wanted to be friends, she would presumably have accepted your request to follow her. And if she was sincere about wanting to reconcile, she would have been straightforward in her communications and interactions with you.

It's strange when someone you know, who has the option of interacting with you in a straightforward manner, chooses to stalk you and gossip about you with someone else instead. Those actions don't scream, "Good intentions!"

If I had to guess, I'd say she was toying around with the idea of getting involved with you again or using you in some way, but she intends to continue being involved with whoever she's currently with. That's why she doesn't want you to see her posts. 

You're probably not going to listen to this advice, but I'll give it anyway: delete her and her friend from your social media. If she wants to talk to you, let her communicate with you in a straightforward fashion: by picking up the phone, calling, and telling you what she wants.

[Alpacalia]

Sounds like you got caught in the middle of a love triangle. My best guess is that she is still with her fiance but possibly keeping tabs on you for whatever reason. It could be because she still has feelings for you or wants to make sure you are not moving on. It's also possible that she realized she made a mistake by deleting you from social media and is trying to reconnect in a less obvious way. However, her behavior of consistently looking at your posts and not accepting your follow request is a bit strange.

[ShyViolet]

14 hours ago, Filmguy00 said:

And to be honest she was the last girl I dated and I really did adore her. She was the only one I actually saw myself with forever. 

Ok but you need to understand that she didn't feel the same way about you.  According to you, nothing "bad" happened in the relationship, but she decided to politely break up with you.  That shows that she just wasn't that into you.  So don't let this social media stuff give you false hopes of getting back together with her.  If she was the "one" for you, she wouldn't have ended things with you in the first place.