LovingMeIsRed Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 My wife and I have been married for a couple of months now, after having dated for about a year and a half. It is the second marriage for both of us - we each had very awful experiences in our first marriages. We married too young, to people we weren’t compatible with, for reasons not having to deal with love. We were determined to make this time different. We each craved a marriage and family built on a foundation of love, respect, and mutual happiness. Until recently, I had no doubt that we were succeeding in this. However, I found out a few days ago that not only was she unfaithful to me in the early days of our relationship, but also, some of the stories, characteristics, anecdotes she used to describe herself, us, and our relationship were more than just exaggerated, but flat out lies. Not just superficial things, but things that I used to make a determination of whether or not she was relationship/marriage material for me, personally. I really feel like I feel in love with a fabrication of someone. If I knew then what I knew now, I never would have married her. I’m so torn and confused because, if I look objectively, I madly loved my wife the day before I knew all of this, and believe that I love the person who she is today, but I really just don’t feel all that special anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 Sorry this is happening. How did you find out , some of the stories, characteristics, anecdotes she used to describe herself, us, and our relationship were more than just exaggerated, but flat out lies? Is this or was your other marriage an arranged marriage? What type of fundamental lies are there? Are they significant enough to have the marriage annulled? How does she explain these lies and discrepancies? Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 How did you find out she was unfaithful? 5 hours ago, LovingMeIsRed said: some of the stories, characteristics, anecdotes she used to describe herself, us, and our relationship were more than just exaggerated, but flat out lies. Not just superficial things, but things that I used to make a determination of whether or not she was relationship/marriage material for me, personally. Maybe read up on "mirroring" as a manipulation tactic. The article below gives a reasonable explanation in lay terms and will sound familiar to you if this is what your wife's been doing. https://medium.com/psychology-self-healing/a-manipulation-tactic-mirroring-7ea98b66ffcf Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 I’m very sorry this has happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 I have found the initial year or two years with a person does not necessarily open all the pages, the truth and what the person is really like may not come out until you get to the stage you are no longer trying to make a good impression, when the people are truly themselves sadly they may find they are not as compatible as it first appeared. then do you try to revive the relationship or do you set yourself free and aspire for third time lucky. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 If you feel you married an invented "persona" rather than the actual person, I suppose you must do what you feel is correct given the situation. People will sometimes do and go through quite a bit in order to find a partner and/or get married - however, sometimes the actions/plan don't ultimately make much sense. There are those in the world who are much better at thinking for the short term than for the long term. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 18 Share Posted February 18 Can you get the marriage annulled? Link to post Share on other sites
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