Itsmetxni Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 (edited) Before the friendship ended my mental health got really bad and I pushed away a lot of my friends and family. It got so bad that I felt like I was just a burden to everyone so I just decided to ghost her. We were best friends for over 5 years but after finishing school we kinda drifted apart. We were still very close but it wasn't like before. I guess that's what made it easier for me to just stop answering her. She texted me saying that she thought about the old times and how much fun we had and asked if l'd be down to reconnect again. Now I can't stop thinking about what a POS I am and how I don't deserve her reaching out to me and trying to be friends again. I don't understand why she even texts me and why she wants me in her life again? It doesn't make any sense. Now I'm not sure how and even if at all I should reply. Even if she would understand me, it would never be the same and rekindling the friendship would be very awkward. Anyone got advice? Edited February 14 by Itsmetxni typo Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 You are not a POS. She is reaching out for her as much as you. I don't know what religion you are but in the Catholic faith today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. It's also Valentine's Day, a day about love even platonic love. Both focus on relationships. To get ready for Easter now is a great time to mend fences. That may be what she is doing. Your absence from her life probably hurts her. She misses you & probably longs for what was. She probably understood that your mental health contributed to you pushing her away. She didn't take it personally & gave you space. Now she's hoping you are in a better place. Kindness is a good thing. Don't reject that. Acknowledge that she reached out & offered an olive branch. You don't have to rehash things. You can just resume the friendship like the bad parts didn't happen. Simply say hi! It's nice to hear from you. Even if you had stayed in touch all that time, your friendship would be different now than it was then. You have both grown & evolved. Nothing stays the same. This time things could be better. You don't have to go back to being BFFs. You don't even have to be friends but don't be mean. If you can't handle anything more then reply to her & tell her that. Don't ghost again but don't stress. I had a friend reach back out after about 1.5 years. I too ghosted her because I felt so awful about myself & undeserving. It took me months to reply back. She had been on my mind but I wasn't strong enough to reach out to her. She knew some of my struggles & didn't push. For the 1st time in over 2 years I sent her a message 1st today. It was a small step but it was a step. If you are not already in therapy to address your issues, I respectfully suggest you start. Having somebody to talk to who can help you work through issue is a wonderful thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 1 hour ago, Itsmetxni said: She texted me saying that she thought about the old times and how much fun we had and asked if l'd be down to reconnect again. Now I can't stop thinking about what a POS I am and how I don't deserve her reaching out to me and trying to be friends again. There is no need to be so overdramatic about this. Friends drift apart and take breaks from the friendship all the time. It's a very common thing that happens. It doesn't make you a bad person or mean that you did anything wrong. She obviously wants to reconnect with you, or she wouldn't have reached out to you. She obviously does not think you are a POS. So stop putting yourself down. With this negative attitude, you will sabotage all friendships in your life before they even begin. Approach this with an open mind and just hang out with her. It doesn't have to be a big deal. 1 hour ago, Itsmetxni said: I don't understand why she even texts me and why she wants me in her life again? It doesn't make any sense. She just told you why she wants you in her life again.... "she thought about the old times and how much fun we had". Why don't you take her word for it, believe what she has said, and give this a chance? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 If you didn't deserve for her to reach out, then she wouldn't be reaching out. Chances are she knows that you are a good person who was struggling - she's given you space and is now checking in to see what's what. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 She extended you an olive branch, saying she misses the connection and good times you two had. That is an open invitation to reciprocate or not. It was brave for her to reach out, understanding the challenges you face and have faced. You are struggling with depression, & depression is one of those struggles, creating an incongruent life mirror. Depression tells you to feel guilt - that you’re bad for dusting her off and moving on. That depression filter starts, "I'm a bad friend for being so down I was no longer any good to her." Of course as years pass you feel satisfied with awkward silence and thrive in your loneliness. You DO deserve friendship, and reconnect. As long as your willing to put in the EFFORT. Being a good friend means being present, authentic and committed. But it also means being vulnerable and honest, and being willing to work through issues when they arise. It sounds like you and your friend had a great connection and a lot of fun, and that is something worth fighting for. Text her back. Tell her that you appreciate her reaching out and that you miss her too. Explain to her what has been going on with your mental health and how it affected your friendship. Be open and honest about your struggles, but also let her know that you still value her and your past friendship. Let her know that you would like to reconnect but understand if she is not ready to do so. Then, it's up to her to decide if she wants to pursue a friendship with you again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 That view that you are a POS for withdrawing from her when you were depressed--that itself is depression talking. She's not doing you some favor by reaching out and wanting to get close again. This person LIKES YOU. She got pleasure and joy and meaning in hanging out with you. You want to acknowledge that, that you are important to other people because your presence actually pleases them. When I was going through my various depressions the first thing I did was isolate. I didn't have the energy or emotional strength to interact with people, even people who really loved me. I was spending all my energy keeping my job, performing at work, paying basic bills. Heck when I was really depressed, brushing teeth took a hit. The bottom line: are you still in therapy? With an excellent therapist who gets you and who super smart and helpful? Have you considered medications along with therapy? You are harboring some depression-inducing, self-rejecting thoughts that are getting in your way. Sounds like in your depressed mind, friendship is a burden, a task and you haven't done your part of the task. You've turned her love and concern for you--and her desire to reconnect--into something like getting paid without showing up at work. But you gave this woman A LOT! Or else she wouldn't be thinking of you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Itsmetxni Posted February 15 Author Share Posted February 15 2 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: That view that you are a POS for withdrawing from her when you were depressed--that itself is depression talking. She's not doing you some favor by reaching out and wanting to get close again. This person LIKES YOU. She got pleasure and joy and meaning in hanging out with you. You want to acknowledge that, that you are important to other people because your presence actually pleases them. When I was going through my various depressions the first thing I did was isolate. I didn't have the energy or emotional strength to interact with people, even people who really loved me. I was spending all my energy keeping my job, performing at work, paying basic bills. Heck when I was really depressed, brushing teeth took a hit. The bottom line: are you still in therapy? With an excellent therapist who gets you and who super smart and helpful? Have you considered medications along with therapy? You are harboring some depression-inducing, self-rejecting thoughts that are getting in your way. Sounds like in your depressed mind, friendship is a burden, a task and you haven't done your part of the task. You've turned her love and concern for you--and her desire to reconnect--into something like getting paid without showing up at work. But you gave this woman A LOT! Or else she wouldn't be thinking of you. Thank you man, you really changed my mind and helped me i appreciate that thank you <3. I‘m glad you‘re doing better today. There's detinitely deeper stuff i have to work out, and i am taking steps to address it and i think i changed for the better. I‘ll send her a text back and see where it goes. Maybe we can start where we left off. I would love to have her as my friend again. I hope you have a great day ahead 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Itsmetxni Posted February 15 Author Share Posted February 15 Thank you all for the nice comments. The acceptance and kindness i see here is really uplifting. Reading your responses made me realize that it would be foolish to let guilt hold me back from taking this chance. Y‘all are great. Thanks ❤️ 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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