Concerns around my parter's previous date drunkenly texting her, and her odd reaction to talking about it

[Anton026]

I’ll condense this down as much as possible, but there’s some weird moving parts: On NYE, I was out with with my partner and her group of friends and we had met up at a restaurant beforehand. After about an hour, there some gasps and whispers among a couple of her friends. This friend (let's call him Bob) had shown up at the restaurant, and apparently my partner and he had gone on 'one date' a couple of days before she and I got back together. She pulls me aside, seeming very concerned, and explained the situation, that nothing happened between them, it was only one date, and she made it clear she wasn’t interested. I seriously didn’t think anything of it, chalking the gasps and whispers up to some friend drama. During the show later, he was in a circle of people I was talking to, and became fairly passive aggressive, shoving his face inches from mine, commenting ‘jeez man, you can’t even look me in the eye…’ (wasn't speaking to him at the time) Continued with the odd behavior as the night went on. I chalked it up to him being intoxicated, and harmless. He was with us all at the party until the early morning hours.

Anyway, and this might be TMI, but a couple of nights ago, my partner and I were being, shall we say, ‘adult’ via text, as we haven’t seen each other in a week. Out of the blue, she texts, “Omg I have to tell you a funny message I got from Bob tonight. All good nothing weird. He basically was like, give me raw feedback. But then ended up telling me he hates dating and wanted genuine feedback. But here’s the wild turn…he FaceTimed or almost dated "Megan” (I had dated "Megan" for a couple of months about 5-6 years ago)”…not sure how he knew you two were connected unless she mentioned it.”

All of it, especially considering the TIMING of the comment threw me. The entire situation just seems very....off. Has my instinct ringing like an alarm. Timing, plus the odd reaction of people at the gathering, as well as everything else just makes it feel like things are not adding up in any realistic way... Stranger still: he apparently met online and was chatting with 'Megan', randomly? And I am 100% certain my name would not have been brought up by her. We live in a fairly large metropolitan city. The odds that he would by sheer chance go out with someone I dated years ago, let alone KNOW that we dated (about 5 months), admitted to 'stalking' (not sure if he's referring to her or me?) and feel the need to bring it up to my current girlfriend?

All of that coupled with the sheer bad taste of him drunkenly texting her for relationship advice, the fact that she says they don't really know each other, yet she’s committing to helping him with his dating life, the gasps on NYE, adds a layer of questions to the whole thing. The whole thing has me twisted, and I’m really trying to make sure I’m not feeling odd for no reason. But I also didn’t want to ignore my gut.

Edited February 13, 2024 by Anton026
Clarification

[smackie9]

There were gasps because they know Bob really likes her, is a total obnoxious d-bag and thought they were going to see a fight that night between you two. Bob is jealous and causes all kinds of trouble, like drunk texting her about dating advice. He's just being a weasel. Just set a boundary with her about this Bob. Simple as that. 

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. Why did you break up the first time? Have any of those reasons resolved or just more complicated due to what happens on these breaks? 

[Alpacalia]

I’m utterly confused. So you’re 100% sure that “Megan” didn’t tell anyone about your dating experience and you never mentioned you had dated her? You only had dated “Megan” for 2-3 months, correct?

[Gaeta]

Did you have a conversation with your girlfriend about these unusual/unlikely coincidences? Does she think it's also fishy?

I know we're not supposed to tell our partner what to do/not do  but....if I were you I would strongly suggest your gf that she does not get involved with Bob and his dating. If she cannot see his game she is very naïve or she is voluntary naïve because she likes the attention. 

The answer is in talking to your girlfriend.

[Alpacalia]

How long have you and your girlfriend dated? It's mentioned that you broke up, did you date Megan after the breakup? I'm just trying to figure out how involved your girlfriend was during your relationship with Megan and if there's some type of drama that could be occurring. It would be odd for Bob to randomly mention Megan's name and your current girlfriend at the same time, so I'm wondering if there's more to this situation.

[FMW]

 

On 2/13/2024 at 6:38 AM, Anton026 said:

Anyway, and this might be TMI, but a couple of nights ago, my partner and I were being, shall we say, ‘adult’ via text, as we haven’t seen each other in a week. Out of the blue, she texts, “

I'm curious why if your texts were adult why she chose that moment to bring this up with you.  As you said the timing was "off".  I agree that was odd.  

Him having contact with Megan and knowing that you dated her does sound too coincidental, but before you get too twisted up about it, talk to your girlfriend about all of it.  Maybe she can clear up some of the weird feelings you have about it.  If not, and especially if those feelings only increase after your talk, then I would say pay attention to your instincts.  If Bob is causing drama and your girlfriend is maintaining contact with him there may be more to come.

[FredEire]

4 minutes ago, FMW said:

 

I'm curious why if your texts were adult why she chose that moment to bring this up with you.  As you said the timing was "off".  I agree that was odd.  

Him having contact with Megan and knowing that you dated her does sound too coincidental, but before you get too twisted up about it, talk to your girlfriend about all of it.  Maybe she can clear up some of the weird feelings you have about it.  If not, and especially if those feelings only increase after your talk, then I would say pay attention to your instincts.  If Bob is causing drama and your girlfriend is maintaining contact with him there may be more to come.

I agree that her thinking of Bob as you were sexting sounds really odd to say the least.

I think your instincts are right in telling you something is off and you don't know the whole of what's going on. As others have said the only answer now is to calmly and non-confrontationally talk to your girlfriend about it, because what you're working with right now is a totally confusing mess.

[Alpacalia]

I'm sensing things a bit deeper here, I think your girlfriend is relaying the information about Megan to find out if you went out with her because Bob knows or originated from Megan...the fact your girlfriend relayed a message from someone else with little context as if you're supposed to know who Bob is and link Megan together speaks volumes about the nature of the messages that were sent. Hope that makes sense! If you went on a date with "Megan" at least 5 years ago, obviously it would at least ring a bell but you've both tried to bury it as a weird coincidence-but what the hell are the coincidences? 

Curious.

Maybe at some point you'll return and update us.

Edited February 16, 2024 by Alpacalia