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I want to disappear (part 2)


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Hi again just in case my English is not that good. I don’t now what to tell but I can tell more about my story. I was born in Germany. It was a really nice life back then. I was in the first grade at school in Germany. But then I moved to turkey and went to school there. I had there many friends actually really good friends. I wish I could see them again but I don’t know anymore where they are. I just now they are not in the same school were we all went. When I was there in school it was rough for me a little bit because of Homework. My dad helped always my brother by homework and never me. My mom always helped me with homework but it was really rough. When I always mad mistakes she just screamed at me. Like in math. I didn’t understand it and it really toke me long to understand it but my mom always was in hurry and didn’t let me think. My dad did then really bad things. I was back there poor tho because my dad cheated my mom with a other women. But before we find that out he came always late at home and my parents had always a big argument where my dad hit my mom and throws many things on the ground. I was sleeping and just waked up because of they argument always and cried quietly. My dad stoled money. So he just did go to the bank and took all the money from me and my brother. ( there is a Bank Account where they monthly is money and when we are old like 18 we can take it and use it). But he stoked it and used it all to the women who he cheated my mom. Than they the sided to go separate ways. Since then I have no longer had contact with my dad. I just now that he isn’t allowed to come to Germany. Only when he is married. It’s actually 9 years ago that I saw my dad. He really did bad things like lying, stealing all the money, left us alone in the house where we didn’t have much money and hit my mother always. I came back from turkey and If you guys read my post before than you now what happened here in Germany. 
 

I don’t now where my dad is and my mom don’t want to see him ever again like my brother but I want to see him because I miss him. I actually forgot how he looked like. My mom always asked me back than if I want to see him again but I said always no because I now that my mom never want to see him and if I said yes I didn’t now what would happened. Since then I never heard or seen him. But let me tell a story now about my brother. Actually I got almost abused from him. And my mother don’t now about this. It happened for 3 or 4 years. I hate my brother because he always get on my nerves. And he hit me so bad in the eye that I had there a blue spot. I’m not that strong to him and couldn’t hurt him because it never hurt him and he always attacked me. When I’m studying he never let me study and got on my nerves. My mother told me to ignore him like my grandma they told me he would than let me go so like he wouldn’t got on my nerves but it didn’t work if i ignore him he would do it again and again. He never stop. When he has a girlfriend or if his friends are here and I’m talking or make  a little fun of him like his friends he always look me whit a  view where he is mad and if we are lonely he talks to me so in a mad and badly way. 
 

My mother and I always have a little argument that goes mostly to a big one. Example: my mom let  my hair grow really long but since last year I want it shorter because I didn’t like the long hair. We always had a big argument at that was actually really dumb is. Now I got my short haircut in a long time. Or there is a another one. I have a little Cousine now she is now 2. But when she was a little younger she never did go to my mother she did go to other people or to me. I don’t now why but I think my mom have always to much perfume on her. When my mom wanted to be with her alone cause she should get used to her my little cousins always cried to her mother and I did let her go and my mom was mad at me and told me I should interfere her. But I told her she should let her go and if she want to go to you she would come to you. 
I always had with her a argument like this and when ever I did something wrong she ignored me always and if i wanted to talk to her she always looked to the wall or her phone. Like she is the kid and I’m the adult here. I just wanted to talk her and find a solution but she didn’t. When I always wanted to tell her something like from school she never hears me what I tell she is always on phone talking to someone or she is in a bad mood and that really hurts me. Or she wants to cuddle. Back when I was younger I liked it and it was oke but now where I’m getting older i don’t want it anymore but my mom don’t respect my decision about that. I hate actually my name because when ever my mom did need something she always called me and not my brother. Like  when I’m studying she es lying on the bed or sitting there and her window is open she is calling me to close the window. There is more something like that but it always give me the feeling that she is lazy. 
 

Right now I’m telling bad things about my mom but there are good times too and my mom has problems like physical because I now she needs love but I can give her that love or she is lazy or she spends money sometimes on things that we don’t need and I always need to take care of these things. I had a mini job put I quit it because I need to concentrate to my school. It’s my last year. That was my story and I don’t now what to do with my life. I’m always asking why was I born or for what was I born.

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d0nnivain

That is very rough.  Your dad cheated on your mom & left with the family's money.  Your mom was probably devastated but she carried on for you & your brother.   

16 year old girls need their mom's but also need to break free of them.  You are growing up & struggling to figure out who you are & who you want to be.  It's all part of growing up. 

Can you get a PT job to pay for things for yourself?  Since you are on here you have some access to a computer,  Look for your father on line.  Your mom might be a bit upset.  Your dad betrayed her but in the end he's your father so it's normal that you want a relationship with him. 

Talk to a trusted teacher.  Find a quiet place outside of your home to do your school work.  You will be off to university before you know it.   

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you can call the Turkish Mental Health Hotline at 182. This service is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and it is free of charge. The hotline provides immediate support, crisis intervention, and referral to appropriate mental health services.

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3 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

That is very rough.  Your dad cheated on your mom & left with the family's money.  Your mom was probably devastated but she carried on for you & your brother.   

16 year old girls need their mom's but also need to break free of them.  You are growing up & struggling to figure out who you are & who you want to be.  It's all part of growing up. 

Can you get a PT job to pay for things for yourself?  Since you are on here you have some access to a computer,  Look for your father on line.  Your mom might be a bit upset.  Your dad betrayed her but in the end he's your father so it's normal that you want a relationship with him. 

Talk to a trusted teacher.  Find a quiet place outside of your home to do your school work.  You will be off to university before you know it.   

Yes it is rough but I don’t now how to find my dad online. I talked 2 years ago to a trusted teacher but I didn’t tell her that much. She was really kind and helped me a little bit as much as she could. But I’m not going to her anymore because it’s not anymore that bad at home. I can study for school normal without that I get interrupted. And I got much stronger then before. I can discuss with my mom without that I’m scared or if I bring a bad exam. I tried to find my dad on facebook but I couldn’t and I don’t know where I can find him. I just now that he is in turkey but I don’t now where exactly.

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d0nnivain

I'm sorry.  Are your grandparents still alive & in the picture? Can they tell you where you father, their son is? 

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If your relationship with your mother is ok now please stop looking for a father you claim beat you and your mother, stole from you and your family and was abusive. Please put your energy in more productive things like good grades and your future. 

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1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

If your relationship with your mother is ok now please stop looking for a father you claim beat you and your mother, stole from you and your family and was abusive. Please put your energy in more productive things like good grades and your future. 

He didn't hit me he hit My mom every night back then 

 

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9 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I'm sorry.  Are your grandparents still alive & in the picture? Can they tell you where you father, their son is? 

My grandparents don't want to see him ever again.

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d0nnivain
4 minutes ago, Yuka16 said:

He didn't hit me he hit My mom every night back then 

 

 That does make him a dangerous unstable person meaning finding him might not be in your best interest.  There are reasons your mom & his own parents have disowned him.  Perhaps it would be best if you followed suit.  Finding him won't magically improve your life & it may damage your relationships with your mom, brother & grandparents.  

You probably want to know him for yourself.  But you do know him.  He's an abusive violent thief who abandoned you.  I understand you don't want to accept that but he probably hasn't changed.  He's not going to be the good guy you need.  

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1 minute ago, d0nnivain said:

 That does make him a dangerous unstable person meaning finding him might not be in your best interest.  There are reasons your mom & his own parents have disowned him.  Perhaps it would be best if you followed suit.  Finding him won't magically improve your life & it may damage your relationships with your mom, brother & grandparents.  

You probably want to know him for yourself.  But you do know him.  He's an abusive violent thief who abandoned you.  I understand you don't want to accept that but he probably hasn't changed.  He's not going to be the good guy you need.  

I now he is not a good person. But I miss him. I miss a dad. Whenever I see daughter with her dad My heart is aching. It hurts. 

I want to see him because I miss him and I want to ask him why he did this why he left us. I know he miss me like My brother because he asked about us to My grandparents. My mom and My grandparents have his number I think.             But I don't know how to ask them if I want to talk to him. But it could be that they don't have his number anymore.

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d0nnivain

You best bring this up to your mom & grandparents.  

Sadly men like your dad won't have an honest satisfying answer for you to explain why he did what he did.  Selfish jerks never do.  

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