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People believe I was the problem


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I know it’s not something I should be bothered by, but it does upset me.

i know i am a nice person, that isnt me being big headed but i actively make the decision to be a good person and im very empathetic and aware of everyone around me. That being said, i was in a relationship with someone who absolutely ruined and manipulated me. I wasn’t innocent of course, but I didn’t do anything close to how  he made me feel and he’s never held himself accountable for any of it.

i asked him to leave me alone and his response was ‘get out of my life’ , which he has since continued to wave at me in public despite me ignoring it. What im really quite upset about is he has made me out to be manipulative, and basically abusive (emotionally) during our relationship listing things I have never done & instead he did to me! 
its fine, until a girl believes that and says they ‘hate’ me because of how horrible i was to my ex. Especially when they were apparently in an abusive relationship themselves. I dont care if they have only heard his side, i thjnk it is so mean to say you hate someone without knowing another persons side to it or any care to. Her boyfriend is my ex’s best friend for reference. She apparently said she hates my ex too.

it’s just so saddening to know that some people (especially women) have this opinion of me knowing what he put me through. He literally ruined me. And im the bad person. It shouldn’t bother me I know, but it does because I know im not a bad person except it makes me doubt myself. It genuinely makes me feel like i have a hole in my heart and so alone. 

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@Bertol there's a saying about how people describe what happened after the end of a relationship "There is his side, her side and the truth".  As tough as it is to know that the other person's story isn't how you'd describe it, it is quite normal for a person to tell their side of the story after a breakup. Thing is, he would probably strongly reject what you've said about him too.  I know you want him to see himself through your eyes, but that's not going to happen.  

And remember that he didn't ruin you.  Remember all those friends who told you to leave him?  They know your side of the story and I bet they are standing by you.  And there's a whole lot  more people who have no idea who either of you are.  

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stillafool
7 hours ago, basil67 said:

And there's a whole lot  more people who have no idea who either of you are.  

This^.  I don't know how you're even getting this information.  Are these girls actually coming up to you and saying these things?  If so, ignore them.  Meet and make friends with the people who don't know either of you.  Have you looked into transferring to another school yet?  It would do you good because being on that campus is fueling your obsession.

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stillafool
17 hours ago, Bertol said:

I wasn’t innocent of course, but I didn’t do anything close to how  he made me feel and he’s never held himself accountable for any of it.

i asked him to leave me alone and his response was ‘get out of my life’ , which he has since continued to wave at me in public despite me ignoring it. What im really quite upset about is he has made me out to be manipulative, and basically abusive (emotionally) during our relationship listing things I have never done & instead he did to me! 
its fine, until a girl believes that and says they ‘hate’ me because of how horrible i was to my ex.

I don't know many if any people who hold themselves accountable for a breakup. Everyone damn near blames it on the ex.  So don't expect him to be accountable.  You may think whoever is hearing about your breakup cares who the culprit was, but they don't.  TBH they are just lending a listening ear.  It is surprising that some girl hates you because they think you were emotionally abusive to an ex.  Is this his new girlfriend who feels that way, because other than her, who cares that much about him and your ex friendship/relationship?  If it is his new gf do you really care what she thinks?  I wouldn't.

 

17 hours ago, Bertol said:

I asked him to leave me alone and his response was ‘get out of my life’ , which he has since continued to wave at me in public despite me ignoring it.

This is because he's over it and indifferent.  He thinks you should be too by now so he's trying not to make it awkward, but to you it's coming off that way.  Can you take a different route to your classes to avoid any contact with him?

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d0nnivain

There's a saying:  What other people think of you is none of your business. 

You know the truth  Who cares what some woman you will never have to deal with thinks?  If it's important to you, when somebody makes a remark, remind them that they have only heard one side of the story.  Don't say any more.  Just say that & change the subject or walk away altogether.  You maintain your dignity.  

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Please see a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health and get some tests done. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Please delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Please avoid him on campus and please get involved in other campus events, activities and friends.

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NuevoYorko

I've read your other posts and I really think it's time for you to get some professional help so you can allow yourself to start healing from this relationship and break-up.  This will require you getting over the obsessing you're doing about it.

Please do not take this wrong, it's not about you per se:  Relationships end ALL THE TIME.  It's not always because someone was awful (though you've said he treated you badly so he may have actually been awful).   Most often it's because it just was not a match.   People break up with other people for the simple reason that they don't choose to remain involved with them, not because the person was "at fault."

You keep trying to blame him or figure out if you were to blame.   That's very unimportant to figure out.  The fact is that you are not a couple anymore, he has moved on, and you need to put the pieces back together.  I think you'd benefit a lot from getting some help to do this.

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