Millie_ Posted February 6, 2024 Posted February 6, 2024 (edited) Hi, I have been with my now ex boyfriend for 2 years. It has not been perfect because he has jealousy and possessives tendencies. He also tends to take it out on me when things are going bad for him. He is currently unemployed (has been for 4-5 months) so he has been more mean to me lately. Last Thursday it was his birthday so I made a reservation at a very nice place, I bought a birthday gift for him but as soon as he entered the place I could sense he was in a bad mood. He started complaining about the place, about how loud it was, about me and also started ignoring me to be on his phone. At one point of the night I went to the bathroom to cry. By the end of the night I was so upset that I said to him “fine, then you can take care of your own bill” and I left the place but I immediately regret it so I went back to the place and paid for the bill. He was furious, he told me that he never wanted to see me again, that I ruined his birthday, that I’m needy and codependent and he doesn’t like anything about me. He abandoned me at the place. I cried for 3 days tried to talk to him but he is just ignoring me and blocking me. I don’t know why I did to deserve this. He doesn’t have a lot of friends, so I’m always planning fun things, I have 2 jobs, I have a career, I’m pretty and my only problem is that I am codependent but I have been in therapy for that. My friend says that he is just punishing me and he will be back to give me the chance to “apologize” but that day he was so furious, he says he never wants to see me again. I think he is done with me. He says I disrespected him. Edited February 6, 2024 by Millie_
stillafool Posted February 6, 2024 Posted February 6, 2024 (edited) Why do you want a man back who treats you this way after you planned such a lovely birthday for him? He showed absolutely no gratitude or appreciation for what you tried to do for him and yet you are worrying about when he'll be back to let you apologize to him. Please let this guy go because he doesn't respect or love you. He's actually doing you a favor by not contacting you. Please get back into therapy about your codependency. You deserve better. Edited February 6, 2024 by stillafool 4
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2024 Posted February 6, 2024 OMG. You didn't ruin his birthday. He did that all by himself for being a jerk. You are being awful to yourself thinking about getting back with this guy. He did you a huge favor by breaking things off. Stay apart. Work with your therapist to fix your co-dependence but hey the bleep away from him. 1
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2024 Posted February 6, 2024 3 hours ago, Millie_ said: I don’t know why I did to deserve this What you did is give your time and affection to a man that did not deserve it. You chose to give your heart and affection to a bad man that has no respect and consideration for you so of course you end up crying for 3 days. Why do you do nice things for bad people? Give your love, time and affection to people that are kind to you, not jerks that have shown you many times they will hurt you again and again. Stop being sad and start being mad. Enough of you spending your time on jerks. 2
Rider on the Storm Posted February 6, 2024 Posted February 6, 2024 Millie, why is your self-esteem so low that you would even consider staying in such a mentally abusive scenario? If he's gone, be thankful. You just dodged a bullet. 2
ShyViolet Posted February 6, 2024 Posted February 6, 2024 5 hours ago, Millie_ said: I think he is done with me. He says I disrespected him. Why on earth haven't you been done with HIM a long time ago? Why is your self esteem so low that you would put up with a loser like this for as long as you have? 1
Ami1uwant Posted February 6, 2024 Posted February 6, 2024 How much did this stuff show up with him after he became unemployed? 1
Calmandfocused Posted February 6, 2024 Posted February 6, 2024 Sounds like a real winner that you’ve got yourself there op. Unemployed, cruel, nasty, disrespectful, ungrateful, moody, jealous and a terrible partner to boot. You have a chance. A chance to do much better for yourself. Take that chance and run. You feel terrible now? Picture a life with two young kids, looking after them and your bum of a husband who can’t be responsible and find himself a job! You’ve been saved from that life. Thank your lucky stars. 1
Nawidimaq Posted February 11, 2024 Posted February 11, 2024 On 2/6/2024 at 9:36 AM, Millie_ said: my only problem is that I am codependent That's not the problem. This is: Quote He is currently unemployed (has been for 4-5 months) I have 2 jobs, I have a career He's mad at himself over his not being able to pay his bills, but it's easier to take it out on you than it is for him to face his own disappointment in himself and fix things. On 2/6/2024 at 9:36 AM, Millie_ said: I think he is done with me. He says I disrespected him. Fine. He can keep thinking that way. Let him wander off on that tangent of delusion & go to his grave thinking that--it's no longer your concern. He's shown you exactly the kind of person he is when stress hits hard. You don't need that kind of juvenile, immaturity in your life while you're adulting.
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