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Coworkers want to spend all the time together on a trip but I don't want to


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Yellowrose91

I am on a work placement. It is sending us to a different city for some training for 3 days. It happens to be in the city where my fiancé lives.

My two coworkers and I have been chatting. They’ve said various things such as ‘for the three days let’s just stick together’. They want to go to the hotel gym every evening then go to eat lunch later on, meaning I can’t just have dinner then leave them.

So that means on top of spending all day doing the training with them I’ll have to spend all evening too. As an introvert this is extremely draining for me and I would much rather spend the time with my fiancé.

However I’m aware the if I don’t spend the evenings with them I may seem rude. I’m thinking that I may just have to bare it for 3 days and see my fiancé at the weekend.

What are your thoughts?

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5 minutes ago, Yellowrose91 said:

My two coworkers and I have been chatting. They’ve said various things such as ‘for the three days let’s just stick together’

They're your co-workers, not your boss. 

Say sorry people don't count me in, I am spending my free time with my fiancé!!  say that with a huge smile on your face.

No one will resent you for wanting to spend your free time with your fiancé instead of the gym. 

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"Sounds like a fun, but my fiance lives here and I'll be catching up with them"    I'm sure your coworkers will understand.  

To be honest, even if there wasn't a fiance I'd tell them that would join them for X but not Y because I need some down time.  As a fellow introvert, I'd fall apart if I had to spend the whole time with them.   It's OK to say No to socialising

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ExpatInItaly
14 hours ago, Yellowrose91 said:

I can’t just have dinner then leave them.

Of course you can. You are not obligated to be with them all the time. 

13 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Say sorry people don't count me in, I am spending my free time with my fiancé!! 

This is all you need to say, OP. I doubt this is going to be an issue for them. And even if it is, who cares? They aren't in charge of you. 

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d0nnivain

Don't ditch them completely but do inform them that your FI lives in this city & spending time with him not them is your priority.  Get your FI to give them a list of fun things to do in the area.  

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Your free time is yours to do with as you please. It's totally fine to decline invitations as long as you do so politely and in advance. Just don't make them wait for you for 30 minutes before saying "sorry guys, not coming for dinner after all!".

I've been on a fair number of work trips conferences with colleagues, etc. I always spend around half of the evenings by myself because I need the alone time. It's not a big deal at all.

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ShyViolet
On 2/5/2024 at 1:00 PM, Yellowrose91 said:

So that means on top of spending all day doing the training with them I’ll have to spend all evening too. 

 

Have to?  No, you don't have to.  You are an adult and you can respectfully let them know that you'll take at least one evening to yourself and catch up with them later.  That doesn't necessarily have to come off as rude at all.  Just because they suggested that you spend the whole trip with them doesn't mean that you have no choice.

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